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August 2010

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Pee Wee Herman Insists Innocence — Caught Masturbating With Wrong Hand

Written by , Posted in General

In a new interview, Paul Reubens discussed his 1991 arrest for waxing-his-dolphin in a public movie theater.  He insists that, had the case gone to trial, he would have been proven innocent, because the police report said he was masturbating with his left hand, and Pee Wee is a righty.  According to Reubens, he would have called an expert with “thirty years of experience,” to testify that no one masturbates with their non dominant hand.  Wow, that’s a pretty strong defense.  Had I been the prosecutor on this case, I would have called a very perverted college friend of mine, who constantly told me that he preferred masturbating with his non-dominant hand, as it made him feel like someone else was choking-his-chicken.  At this point, he might also have thirty years of experience.

  • Erik

    This post deserves a Pulitzer!

    Nope – 2 Pulitzers!

  • Erik

    This post deserves a Pulitzer!

    Nope – 2 Pulitzers!