The Dishmaster

Entertainment News With a Side of Dish



August 2011



Howard Stern is on Vacation — Goodbye August — & September?

Written by , Posted in General

When I discovered that Howard Stern is on vacation for the second week in a row in August, I became infuriated. How am I supposed to get through my work day without him? And before you insist that it’s unproductive to listen to the radio while working, I’d like to remind you disrespectful lunatics that I passed the bar exam (on the the first try) while listening to Stern all day, and there is no better judge of productivity than that. And now — time for my rant.

While it’s true that Stern is the only entertainer at his level that is still forced to work terrible hours, I still take issue with his consistent absences. First, he never announces them, which leads to intense disappointment when I grab my morning coffee and turn on my radio. Second, his replacement programming sucks. Why won’t he play his best interviews while he’s on vacation? Instead, he plays old shows that aren’t nearly as good as his newer stuff.

When a fan recently complained to Stern about his excessive vacation schedule, Stern responded with, “Then you gotta cancel your service. I will never rip you off. If you feel dissatisfied with the amount of shows I’m doing you should absolutely leave the company and leave the service….I will always be honest with my fans…I hope you stay with us, but if you don’t c’est la vie.”

I’m sure the fan in question will not in fact cancel his service — and neither will I. After all, isn’t something better than nothing? Isn’t it better to have 20% of someone than 0% of them? I have to take a step back from that philosophy to remind myself that it is the same sordid analysis I used while recently dating an emotionally unavailable man. So Stern — if you’re reading this — I want 100% of you.