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“They are like this kaleidoscope of interesting thoughts and opinions. They teach you so many things about men that are useful.” “Like what?” our reporter asked. Klum paused, and then made the universal tounge-moving-rapidly-in-cheek motion that signifies blowies. She explained what she’s learned (off the record, of course), and our reporter said she discovered two things: 1) Everything sounds authoritative when said in a German accent, and 2) Seal was a lucky guy.” An excerpt of Heidi Klum’s interview with Allure Magazine, which confirmed the need for homosexuals in her life. As an aside, I too have a lot of gay friends, but unfortunately our conversations involved their unfulfilling sexual experiences with women, and it traumatized me for life.