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I do my best to avoid gratuitous celebrity criticism, but Anne Hathaway deserves a smack-down. You can’t fake authenticity, and it appears that she’s planned every speech down to her exasperated breaths of surprise. It’s as if the moment she accepted her role for Les Miserables, she stood in front of her mirror with a hairbrush in anticipation of the time that she’d sweep awards season. I don’t know how to fix this, other than to say it’s probably best to assume you’ll lose every category. That way, you’ll avoid saying bloated things like, “I’ll forever use this as a weapon against self-doubt.”