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March 2013

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Yahoo Nixes Home-Work — Employees Return to the Office

Written by , Posted in General

yahooAccording to a newly leaked memo, Yahoo! has nixed it’s work-from-home flexibility, and employees are now forced to return to the office, regardless of outside issues, including family obligations. The move has sparked controversy, given the current rise in telecommuting and the endless studies on how working from home actually increases productivity, rather than decreasing it.

Allow me to take this opportunity to monologue about why Yahoo!’s choice is enraging. First, the only reason to work at the office is to cater to a micro-managing boss. Second, 89% of all office meetings are for the purpose of pow-wowing about nonsense instead of churning out change (see The Dishmaster for more baseless statistics). Third, if I have to go to a gynocologist for a standard pap smear, I should not have to justify my office departure with a sick day (see The Dishmaster’s guide to talking to your boss about vagina checkups for more information). Lastly, I’ve worked for a corporate monster, and 78% of all employees are miserable, mostly because they feel as if they are in prison for eight hours per day. And misery DOES NOT increase productivity. Flexibility creates happiness, and happiness increases productivity. It appears that the age-old I-have-diarrhea excuse will soon make a comeback.

NOTE TO ALL READERS OF THE DISHMASTER: Feel free to share my article with your boss, especially if your boss works at Yahoo!