Dear Mariah Carey — “I Don’t” Either

Remember the day when Mariah Carey claimed to “not know” Jennifer Lopez, and the world pounced? Well perhaps it’s time she does “know” her, considering JLO completely re-branded her image and dresses in a way that actually compliments her body. I realize we live in a world that begs women to empower other women, but I live in a world that begs women to play to their strengths, and strutting around in a barely-there ensemble with her titties spilling out — is NOT Mariah’s strength. The fashion choices are not only aesthetically deplorable, they’re unflattering and thirsty. Furthermore, it doesn’t go with the song at all. This is a heartbreak song, and I’m at a loss as to how stumbling on the top of a car in a garter has anything to do with the lyrics. She can barely stand. This is not empowering, it’s embarrassing. She’s too good for this. She’s too pretty for this. I expect more from Mariah Carey. I’m also so distracted by the awful outfits I can’t even tell you if the song is any good. It might have something to do with trust, which is baffling considering she’s the one who flirted with her dancer during her entire reality show. Perhaps James Packer should be sitting on top of an expensive car waxing on about heartbreak instead.

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