THE DISHMASTER

For months, David Arquette has insisted to Howard Stern that Courtney Cox loves him, and she would appear on his show if not for her team of people advising her against it. Today marks the official day that Courtney Cox pushed her team aside to appear on the greatest show in the history of entertainment. She surprised Howard Stern to finally discuss her side of their marriage ending, and there were some great revelations. Stern asked Courtney why she rejected David’s sexual advances at Disney World, and Courtney said it “just wasn’t the appropriate time” and she “didn’t want to confuse the issue.” She also said that part of the problem in their relationship was that David could never emotionally console her without “getting a boner.” David accused her of “just being over him” and then said, “it’s time to move on.” Courtney replied with, “wow, that’s heavy.” She also said that even though he wants her back he seems happier now that he’s single. Stern didn’t seem to help the situation, insisting to Arquette that it’s “over and Courtney doesn’t want [him] anymore.” My favorite part of the interview was when Stern asked Courtney if it would freak her out if David dated Jennifer Aniston and she said, “yes, that would freak me out.” Stern then told David, “you gotta do it.” Overall, I’m still not sure if David and Courtney have any chance of reuniting, but I am definitely sure that I love Courtney Cox. Any girl who can air their dirty laundry on Howard Stern, is a cool chick. Listen to audio from the interview below.

I’m a huge fan of Playboy. I grew up in a house with Playboy magazines on the coffee table, and I read it for the articles (no, I’m not kidding). That being said, I have absolutely no idea why Karina Smirnoff would pose for the magazine. She’s already famous from Dancing With the Stars, and this will do nothing to elevate her career. Did she get paid a huge sum of cash? And please don’t tell me she wants to celebrate nudity — because it will pain me to respond. When you’re navigating your career in the business, every choice you make must be strategic. You cannot shoot from the hip, which seems to be happening here. Playboy is a vehicle for hot chicks that are struggling to get noticed, not for people already famous. Yes, Marilyn Monroe did it — but that was a different time. These shoots don’t get the same attention they used to.

There’s a very interesting tactic used by celebrities when they apologize for a mishap.  They simply say, “I didn’t mean to offend anyone,” which is code for “I’m not sorry.”  Kobe Bryant was caught on camera during a Lakers game calling someone a “f*gg*t,” and here’s his exact apology:  “What I said last night should not be taken literally.  My actions were out of frustration during the heat of the game, period. The words expressed do NOT reflect my feelings towards the gay and lesbian communities and were NOT meant to offend anyone.”  This reminds me of the many fights I’ve had with ex-boyfriends who try to worm their way out of an apology with, “I’m sorry if I offended you.”  How about you instead say, “I’m sorry for being an a*shole,” which would be much more accurate.  I’d like to also point out to Kobe that when I’m in the heat of the moment and extremely angry, I don’t have any desire to yell out bigoted slurs — but that’s just me.

Mickey Rourke admitted in a recent interview that his film with Megan Fox, Passion Play is “another terrible movie.”  When asked why he stars in “terrible movies,” Rourke said, “for the money.”  Though I often pick on actors for biting the hand that feeds them, I’ll make an exception for Mickey Rourke, who I deem a Hollywood badass.  If you’re going to whore out your craft for the money, you might as well own it.  And Mickey Rourke owns just about everything.

I’m aware that the tile of this post is hypocritical, considering just how much I talk.  But there’s something called word economy, and Ashley Judd is without it.  She apologized for her recent insulting comments toward P Diddy, Snoop Dogg, and hip hop music in general.  I’m posting the quotes below, and I hope your head doesn’t explode while reading them.  Can’t the woman just say, “I’m sorry for those stupid comments.”  You’d think she was writing a PhD thesis.  I get the feeling that she carries around a dictionary and circles words she thinks would make for fancy sentences.  I’ll give Ashley Judd the same advice I gave Scott Adams.  When in trouble, use the least amount of words as possible.  Get in and get out.  Read below.

• “The general theme is to express my gratitude for a chance to learn, to be corrected where I was wrong, to make amends, and hold firm and strong on the original intention and context of the points I made, with a commitment to try to do so less clumsily and with more sensitivity in the future.  I am also aware that, no matter what I do, some will call me disingenuous and impute bad motives to me.”

• My equivalent genres, as an Appalachian, an oppressed and ridiculed people, would be mountain music and bluegrass. Those genres tell the history, struggles, grief, soul, faith, and culture of my people.  In imagining how I would feel if someone made negative generalizations about that music, I am deeply remorseful that anything I may have said in All That Is Bitter & Sweet would hurt adherents of genres that represent their culture. This book is an act of love and service. Insulting people of goodwill is the antithesis of its raison d’etre.

Hanna is a teenage girl raised by her father to be an assassin, and she’s spent her entire life in virtual isolation to avoid being killed by the CIA. For most of the film, it’s unclear why she and her father are wanted dead, and all we know is there’s a very beautiful woman in charge of the CIA mission (Cate Blanchett) and she has a specific yet ambiguous agenda. When Hanna’s father releases her to civilization, he’s prepared her for everything except social interaction. Sure she can kill five guys at once, but can she read an enemy? Can she figure out who to trust and who’s manipulating her? There are life lessons you just can’t teach, and it’s interesting to see Hanna navigate these obstacles. Even though the plot is thin, it doesn’t matter. It’s an artistic masterpiece. The soundtrack is by The Chemical Brothers, and the music combined with the well-choreographed action sequences — makes for an incredible movie experience.  My only complaint is the gratuitous violence.  While I have no problem watching 15 guys die simultaneously, once I’m attached to a character, there better be a damn good reason for their death.  That’s not the case in this film.  I often found myself hoping that someone would come to the rescue to avoid certain people’s deaths, but no such luck. Perhaps I’m just a sappy viewer that wants a Hollywood ending.  OVERALL RATING: DISHTASTIC

• Tyrese says it’s expected for men to cheat, and Wendy Williams head almost exploded.  Bossip

• Charlie Sheen was booed during his New York show.  Huffington Post

• Eva Longoria discusses her divorce from Tony Parker with Piers Morgan.  TV Squad

• LeAnn Rimes posted a picture of herself in a bikini on twitter in the exact same pose that Brandi Glanville posted months ago.  Coincidence — or an attempt to take a jab at her Eddie Cibrian/her boyfriend’s ex-wife?  The Superficial

• Matt Lauer may leave The Today Show.  Socialite Life

• The Reviews are in — Your Highness gets destroyed.  The Stir

• Tina Fey is pregnant with her second child.  The Frisky

• Twilight’s Nikki Reed might be hooking up with American Idol’s Paul McDonald.  The Hollywood Gossip

• Dancing With the Stars’ Karina Smirnoff is posing nude for Playboy.  People

• Kate Gosselin is being sued by her marriage counselor for unpaid fees.  Ear Sucker

• Lindsay Lohan Responded to Betty White’s slam.  Ace Showbiz

• Jennifer Aniston hates dating.  Pop Eater

• Selma Blair shows off her pregnant belly — and her horse.  Pop Sugar

One of our greatest directors has died, and when looking at his resume, it certainly doesn’t shock me that he gave us five of our greatest films in history, including: 12 Angry Men; Dog Day Afternoon; Serpico; The Verdict; and Network.  Television is a writer’s medium and film is a director’s medium. So the next time you find yourself loving a movie, take the time to look up the director of that film, and then Netflix every film that director has ever done. Actors often miss this point when selecting roles, and their career suffers as a result. Sidney Lumet was brilliant — and consistent.  In honor of his passing, and his gift to cinema, I’ve post a clip from 12 Angry Men below. They just don’t make them like he did anymore, and it makes me “mad as hell.” Goodbye Sidney.

Have you ever congratulated someone on being pregnant, only to be embarrassingly told that you’re wrong?  It’s horrific, but the media has no problem doing it.  Nicole Richie issued a much-needed, scathing attack on the press today, saying that not only is she “not pregnant” but to “publicly point out a change in anyone’s body is mean-spirited and cruel.”  Kudos to Nicole for not only being smart enough to issue an articulate statement (unlike some other celebrities who will go unnamed), but for hopefully putting the kibosh on the practice of pointing out “baby bumps.”  Good thing I carry all my weight in my lower body and therefore don’t have this problem.  No one would dare ask me if I’m carrying a child in my ass.

For those of you who love Jersey Shore, today signifies the beginning of the end of the world’s greatest reality show in the history of television.  Whenever television executives hit the jackpot, they milk it to the point of exhaustion.  Such is the case with Jersey Shore, as MTV has officially picked up two spin-offs of the popular show, one following Snooki and JWoww’s post-shore antics, and the other following Pauly D on the road as a DJ.  While I’m certain those spin-offs will have traction, I’m also certain it will devalue the original series, and will inevitably hurt its ratings.  When you have a treasure on your hands, you don’t break it down and sell it’s parts — you protect it.  How about MTV come up with another original idea, instead of recycling an existing one?