Welcome to The Dishmaster! If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Howard Stern recently met Sandra Bullock at Jimmy Kimmel’s party in Los Angeles, and he quoted Paul McCartney, saying, Jesse James “took [his] lucky break and broke it in two.” He said that because of how much he loved Bullock and how undeserving and lucky Jesse James was to have landed her in the first place, let alone letting her go. I’m posting her very funny Oscar bit below to prove Stern’s point. She sure is beautiful and funny. In fact, I’d like to marry her. I wonder if she’s willing.
Comedians often lose their edge when they become famous. They can no longer relate to the masses, and their comedy suffers as a result. But not Chris Rock. He’s just as relatable as ever, and he proved it while presenting at the 2012 Oscars. Watch below to see him poke fun at the category he presented.
The verdict is in, and Jim Rash had the best joke at the Oscars. While accepting the award for Best Adapted Screenplay for his work on The Descendants, Rash imitated Angelina Jolie’s moderately ridiculous pose by over-extending his own leg. Seriously though — even Jennifer Lopez’s green Versace dress didn’t draw this much attention — and it’s not because Jolie’s dress was risqué. It’s because it looked as though Jolie deliberately stuck her leg out of the dress for shock value. It didn’t work. Watch the video below.
For a guy with over twenty Oscar nominations, you’d think Woody Allen would make a point to show up to the ceremony more than once in his life. So what gives? Where in the world is Woody Allen, and why can’t he throw on a tux for the night? For years, rumors circulated that Allen skipped the Oscars because he plays clarinet with his New York jazz band every Monday, and he refuses to miss a gig. But after doing further research, it appears that Allen is just anti-awards shows, saying, “The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don’t.” So there’s the answer — like it or not. Watch below to see the only time Woody Allen showed up — and it was to celebrate New York — not himself.
Though I seem to be the only person on the planet that doesn’t understand the humor behind Sacha Baron Cohen’s characters, I must confess that his red carpet prank made me laugh. He showed up to the Oscars in full “Dictator” character, and then poured an urn full of ashes over Ryan Seacrest’s head, saying, “When someone asks you what you are wearing, tell them Kim Jong Il.” I have to give Oscar producer Brian Grazer a lot of credit for giving “The Dictator” a ticket to the ceremony. After all, all these red carpet clowns are playing some kind of character, his is just the funniest. Watch below.
“I offered for her to take my kids up until she has hers. That didn’t really work, but the offer still stands because she hasn’t had her kid yet.” Nicole Richie, on whether she gave her Fashion Star costar, Jessica Simpson, any parenting advice.
“That period in my life was a challenge but you feel so much stronger once you pick up the pieces and make a new world for yourself. You rethink a lot of things and you develop a much sharper sense of what is going to make you happy. Many people go through crossroads in their lives, times where everything falls apart and you don’t know what to do next. But you learn so much and it makes decisions easier going forward.” Reese Witherspoon on healing from divorce
Here’s a question: Why don’t Republicans just tie up poor people and beat them with rubber hoses. Then, they can take those rubber hoses and throw them in the ocean because, after all, who cares about the f*cking environment, right? The source of my outrage is Lou Dobbs, who hates The Lorax for poisoning our young children with terrible ideas like saving trees. At one point in the video below, the word “occu-toddler” is actually used. When did the Republican party become a group of radical misfits? Watch below.
How many times will the Cougar Town folks blame the title for the bad ratings? I hate to be the bearer of bad news — but it’s not the title. In fact, the title is probably what initially drew viewers to the show. There are plenty of great shows that don’t get good ratings (see Arrested Development). You might be wondering why they chose such a campy title in the first place only to later complain about it. Here’s the short of it: Producers and writers can’t get studios and networks to put shows on the air these days without gimmicks. In today’s television world, you’d never see Mad About You, Cheers, or even Seinfeld (which would have been canceled after its low ratings in season one). But even though a show needs a gimmick to get the green light, a gimmick doesn’t guarantee its failure. I’m therefore fully confident that Cougar Town would have the same ratings with or without that title. Click the link below to see her interview.