Welcome to The Dishmaster! If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
I remember once seeing Melissa Rivers at a Los Angeles club with a very unattractive man on her arm and I thought: “Wow, if I had even a modicum of her fame, I would use it to land a very attractive man — because, after all, looks are most important, right? But judging by the clip below, looks aren’t her ex-boyfriend’s only problem — he’s also a jerk. In the midst of an argument, he brought up her father’s suicide. I’m unclear why she didn’t immediately kick him out, but at least she chucked him at a later date after discovering his addiction to porn. This show sure made me feel better about my taste in men.
This song never gets old. I especially love Kimbra’s contribution, because just as you begin to feel sorry for Gotye’s post-breakup depression, she swoops in to undermine him with the line, “Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over.” Watch below.
“I got a text from one of our mutual friends saying, ‘He’s found someone else and they’re engaged.’ I was over him, but I was like, ‘Oh! Am I that easy to replace?’ He never wanted to f***ing be with me. He was like, ‘Even if we’re together forever, I’m never getting married.’ I thought the world had ended and I was going to sit in my dark flat forever and my dog was going to eat me.” Adele, on the inspiration for her smash hit, “Someone Like You”
Either American Idol is depriving their contestants of oxygen, or the producers have a knack for choosing very dramatic people. Can someone please explain why every contestant seems mentally unstable? If you can’t hold it together during this phase of the competition, how exactly do you plan to be a star? One contestant actually left the rehearsal to call his mother from a hotel, and the conversation included at least fifty “I love yous.” Perhaps the contestants aren’t eating? Maybe the room is excessively hot? But if that’s true, then why do the judges look perfectly healthy? And did I mention that Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler, and Randy Jackson have the worst taste in the history of the show? These singers are horrific.
If we have to pay for our sins for the rest of our lives, then we’re all screwed. When Chris Brown performed at the Grammys everyone was outraged, including country star Miranda Lambert who tweeted, “Chris Brown twice? I don’t get it. He beat on a girl … Not cool that we act like that didn’t happen.” Though I have my doubts about his contrition, there’s one thing I know for sure — eternal punishment will halt reform. His physical abuse of Rihanna is certainly deplorable. And he unequivocally deserves to be punished. But when does it end? When is enough, enough? When is the man allowed to move on with his life and continue working? What if he laid brick for a living? Should we call his boss demand he be fired? This is his job. This is how he makes his living. If he’s contrite, and if he’s done the personal work to ensure he doesn’t make the same mistake twice, then he deserves to be forgiven.
“The last verse, it was about Peggy [Simon’s girlfriend, later to become his wife], whom I was living with at the time: ‘Sail on, silver girl/Sail on by/Your time has come to shine’ was half a joke, because she was upset one day when she had found two or three gray hairs on her head.” Paul Simon, on the meaning behind his lyric to “Bridge Over Troubled Water.”
In honor of Valentines Day, I’m posting a video of country music sweethearts, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, singing “I Need You.” If you’re in a relationship today, turn to your significant other and tell them how much they mean to you. And if you’re single, look up at the stars tonight and thank them, because relationships are horrible. Too bitter? Watch below.
“I call it the black years. It was really difficult. It was difficult in ways I couldn’t even see at the time. There was the obvious way in which it was difficult – the death of a dream, the inability to parent in the way that you want to. But for me it was – what’s that Dante quote? ‘At the midpoint of my life, I’ve come to the part of the forest where the straight way is lost.’ Nothing teaches you like getting leveled. And I got leveled in my early 30s. Nothing went exactly the way I thought it would. Wait a second: love isn’t real and, holy s**t, I put all this energy into not making the same mistake my parents did and I just re-enacted them all! I thought I was so much smarter than everybody. And I’m not.” Ethan Hawke on his divorce from Uma Thurman
When I’m asked for the “type” of man I find attractive, I consistently say Tim McGraw. So I was extremely pleased to discover that he appeared on The View with Faith Hill, presumably to promote their new fragrances. I used the word “presumably” in the last sentence because it’s hard to tell why Tim McGraw was there, considering he could barely utter two words without those five yentes chirping constant interruptions. Watch below and feel free to put the clip on mute so that you can fully absorb Tim McGraw’s hotness without listening to the co-hosts’ inappropriate attempt to steal the spotlight.
Jennifer Hudson’s performance of Whitney Houston’s, “I Will Always Love You”, was technically brilliant and incredibly moving. She was subdued and emotional, and she gave us a beautiful reminder of the greatness that was Whitney Houston. Watch below. Goodbye, Whitney.