THE DISHMASTER

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS WITH A SIDE OF DISH

Monday

19

September 2011

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COMMENTS

Alec Baldwin Didn’t Boycott the Emmys After All

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When rumors surfaced that Alec Baldwin “boycotted” the Emmys because Fox nixed his phone hacking joke from the opening segment, Baldwin was quick to clarify the situation with the Huffington Post. According to Baldwin, he had a previous commitment to Tony Bennett’s charity, and he never planned to attend. But just when you thought there was no ill-will, Baldwin got a witty dig in, saying, “I understand News Corps.’ reluctance to include that joke. If I were accused of illegally hacking into the private phone messages of the families of innocent crime victims and doing so purely for profit, I would be eager for that scandal to go away, too.” Fox defended its decision, saying it had nothing to do with being humorless, and the choice was based solely on respecting the innocent victims involved in the scandal. To be fair, Fox probably made the right choice. America has a fleeting memory, so the less you mention something, the more likely everyone is to forget about it.

Monday

19

September 2011

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COMMENTS

Ty Burrell’s Emmy Speech — Heartbreaking and Funny

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Modern Family is unequivocally the best comedy on television. In fact, I might say it’s the best comedy since Seinfeld. I was thrilled to see Ty Burrell’s Emmy win, because he’s deserving and seemingly humble. His speech was moving, and I like that he inserted jokes amongst the heartbreaking truth that his father never lived to see his success. Congratulations, Ty Burrell.

Sunday

18

September 2011

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COMMENTS

Brad Pitt Apologizes for Jennifer Aniston Quote — Was He Wrong?

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Brad Pitt tried to worm his way out of some hot water recently, after his interview with Parade Magazine caused a tabloid fury. Here’s his original quote:

I spent the ‘90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony. I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic. It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself. I think that my marriage [to actress Jennifer Aniston] had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.

When the predictable Jenifer-Aniston-related outrage followed, Pitt immediately did damage-control, saying:

It grieves me that this was interpreted this way. Jen is an incredibly giving, loving and hilarious woman who remains my friend. It is an important relationship I value greatly. The point I was trying to make is not that Jen was dull, but that I was becoming dull to myself — and that, I am responsible for.

I’m going to keep this short and sweet. Pitt’s follow-up is just as douchey as his original quote. Both he and Angelina Jolie need to leave Jennifer Aniston’s name out of their mouths for eternity. There’s no possible way for him to discuss his ex-wife without the tabloids going nuts, so it’s only fair for him to keep his mouth shut. Because he unilaterally ended his marriage, and he ended up with someone who’s also extremely famous, he owes his ex the courtesy of remaining silent.

Sunday

18

September 2011

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COMMENTS

Tabloid Gossip — Week-in-Review — Love Gained & Lost

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  • ‘Glee’s’ Jane Lynch had an affair with her friend’s lover. Contact Music
  • ‘True Blood’s’ Joe Manganiello and his fiance split up. Us Weekly
  • ‘Mad Men’s’ January Jones gave birth to a baby boy named Xander. Huffington Post
  • ‘Sideways” Virginia Madsen went public with her much younger lover.  People
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt has a new man.  Celebuzz
  • Ashlee Simpson went public with her new man, Vincent Piazza, at the ‘Boardwalk Empire’ premiere. E! Online
  • Eva Longoria and her ex-husband, Tony Parker, no longer speak. MSNBC
  • ‘American Idol’s’ Pia Toscano and ‘Dancing With the Stars’‘ Mark Ballas broke up. Reality TV Magazine
  • Charlie Sheen is making the rounds on his new, “I’m clean & sober” tour. Radar Online
  • ‘Girls Next Door’ star, Kendra Wilkinson, revealed the details behind her depression. In Touch
  • Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell are getting married soon. If Paul McCartney stills believes in love after such a public divorce — there’s hope for everyone. Hello Magazine
  • The infamous White House wedding crasher, Michaele Salahi, left her co-conspirator husband for Journey guitarist Neal Schon. Washington Post

 

Thursday

15

September 2011

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COMMENTS

Quote of the Day — The Netflix Subscriber Debacle

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“Netflix is so dumb. It’s like you can only be smart when you are the underdog. They played everything perfectly until all of their competitors collapsed. So now the stock has plummeted half in value. No movies in the mail for me. It’s bull sh*t. TiVo still charges me $7 a month instead of $20, because they say I’m grandfathered and have been a customer since 2001. I refuse to cancel them even though I don’t use them anymore. Netflix should learn from them.” Matthew Scott — a random friend of The Dishmaster, giving his take on the Netflix’s subscriber-exodus following their ridiculous price increase.

Thursday

15

September 2011

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COMMENTS

Michael Moore v. Elizabeth Hasselbeck — Osama Bin Laden Debate

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Some people are just objectively incorrect. And it’s up to The Dishmaster to point my electronic fingers at those people and call them ridiculous. When Michael Moore asserted that Osama Bin Laden should have been given a trial instead of being killed in cold blood, Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s head almost exploded. “The Nazi’s were given a trial,” said Moore. At which point Hasselbeck chirped, “the war was over.” I’m not sure why that distinction is relevant, and judging from Hasselbeck’s subsequent comments — neither is she. Moore also pointed out that the United States is an especially unique country because “we give even the most heinous person a day in court.” “That’s a right given to our citizens,” said Hasselbeck, and Osama Bin Laden doesn’t deserve that right.” Um . . . what? First, I highly doubt that the real reason she’s opposed to the idea of giving Osama a trial is because he’s “not a citizen.” I’m certain of this because of Hasselbeck’s comment that a trial “worked so well for Casey Anthony.” Need I mention that MY head almost exploded at this comparison?

Allow me to take you on a tangential-Dishmaster ride for a moment. Should we have convicted Casey Anthony just because we had a personal feeling that she was guilty? There was not enough evidence to support her conviction, which means that the judicial system worked upon acquitting her — not that it failed. Perhaps Hasselbeck should marry Rick Perry and live happily ever after with excessive executions on their conscience. Isn’t this woman pro-life? She’s opposed to killing a fetus, but she has no problem sentencing someone to the death penalty with minimal evidence? Talk about hypocrisy.

Whether or not I agree with Michael Moore is irrelevant. When a man makes a point — respond to it with something other than nonsense. And furthermore, allow him to finish a sentence without your obnoxious, arbitrary interjections.

Wednesday

14

September 2011

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COMMENTS

Scarlett Johansson Has Naked Pictures — Uh Oh!

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Have you ever had those moments where you look at yourself naked in the mirror and think, “damn — I’m really hot. Those squats are seriously paying off?” Well if you have — and you feel the need to text sexy photos to your flavor-of-the-month — be sure to leave your face out of the picture. Just ask Scarlett Johansson, who is the latest victim of phone hacking, after naked pictures of her were taken from her cell phone. Because I’m an exceptionally moral person, I will not provide a link to the pictures, but let’s just say whoever they were sent to probably enjoyed them greatly.

Tuesday

13

September 2011

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COMMENTS

Vintage Quote of the Day — Dave Grohl on Kurt Cobain’s Death

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“My soul went dead to music. It’s like a defense mechanism. When music touches a place in you that’s so deep that it can cause pain, you build walls around it and shut yourself off. In 1994 music represented everything to me. My relationships with people. My state of mind. My well-being. So when something like Kurt dying happens, the music reminds you of everything, and you’ve just gotta turn it off. It was just too… overwhelming. But then what happens is, music becomes healing. Still, to this day, one of the reasons why I do what I’m doing is because of all of that.” Dave Grohl, also known as “the-love-of-my-life“, discussing how he felt after Kurt Cobain died.

Tuesday

13

September 2011

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COMMENTS

Joe Scarborough Sings? — HUH?

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I realize I might receive a significant amount of backlash for making fun of Joe Scarborough, given the content of his song — but someone’s gotta do the dirty work — and it’s going to be The Dishmaster. Besides, isn’t it cheating to debut your singing voice amidst such emotional content? Actually — no words are really needed. Just watch the video below.

Monday

12

September 2011

2

COMMENTS

Bachelor Pad Finale Airs — Will Holly Durst Rot in Hell?

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I’ve fortunately or unfortunately been in some very long term relationships throughout my life. And though I don’t look back on all of those relationships with the greatest memories, I certainly would not spend that much time with someone only to publicly sh*t on them at a later date. If the person was good enough to spend years of your life with, then show them some respect — whether you are still together or not. You might wonder what’s prompting my preaching parade. Here goes.

On tonight’s episode of ‘Bachelor Pad,’ Holly Durst announced her engagement to Blake Julian via a poorly acted, awkward scene on video. Her former fiance, Michael Stagliano, apparently had no idea until entering the stage that she got engaged to another man. He was visibly upset, and he asked why he wasn’t told prior to the show. Blake Julian gave a bad answer, and Holly Durst was silent. Unless Michael was in a ditch somewhere dying, there is no excuse for this deplorable behavior. And by the way — isn’t Holly Durst the same girl that called Jesse Csincsak a fame whore? Didn’t she say that cameras and attention made her uncomfortable? She sure has come a long way.

I’d like to say in closing that Holly and Blake deserve each other. And if Michael Stagliano is reading this — you deserve better — much better.

UPDATE: It’s been brought to my attention via Reality Steve, that Blake Julian was offered a $25,000 Neil Lane ring if he proposed to Holly Durst prior to the ‘Bachelor Pad’ finale. Reality Steve theorizes that Julian would not have proposed to Durst so quickly if not for the offer, and given People Magazine’s recent story/advertisement on Holly’s Neil Lane ring, I tend to believe Reality Steve.

UPDATE #2: The wounded Michael Stagliano defended Holly Durst and blamed the ‘Bachelor Pad’ producers for the on-air announcement of Holly’s engagement, calling it, “the worst thing they could have done for ratings.” First, everyone knows ‘The Bachelor’ producers are blood sucking maggots, and if Michael hasn’t learned his lesson by now then he never will. Second, even if it’s true that both Holly and Blake tried to contact Michael and could not reach him, that still does not excuse showing the proposal on air, which effectively rubs it in Michael’s face, whether he knew of it before or not. It’s gross.