THE DISHMASTER

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS WITH A SIDE OF DISH

Saturday

21

May 2011

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COMMENTS

Pink Attacks Selena Gomez for Painting Horses Pink

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You would think that an artist named Pink would enjoy the color theme that Selena Gomez chose for her new video. Perhaps if she painted herself pink instead of horses, she might have been in the clear. As a PETA supporter, Pink said, “If there are any animal activists around Malibu . . . there are horses being painted for a stupid music video. Shame.” Selena Gomez’s team immediately responded to the bad press, saying that the material used to paint the horses is a “non toxic, vegetable based powder paint” and it “was applied via an airbrush and removed with water.” Well, I’m glad Gomez’s people cleared that up. Personally, I love being painted with a non toxic based powder paint and standing in the sun on a hot Los Angeles day. Those animals must have really enjoyed themselves.

Thursday

19

May 2011

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Thursday

19

May 2011

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COMMENTS

Why Do Jennifer Aniston’s Reps Get So Angry About Dating Rumors?

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When tabloids discuss Jennifer Aniston’s love-life, her team goes on an immediate attack. The latest rumor, is that Aniston is dating Justin Theroux. Her rep immediately denied the rumors, calling out the tabloid in question and insisting that there were three other people at the dinner. Judging by her team’s reaction, you’d think she was rumored to be having an affair with a married man. Is it really necessary to deny every single dating rumor? There’s been about four in the last month, none of which are damaging to her reputation. Is it better for the public to perceive her as a frigid bitch that never dates? If I were her, I’d just roll with it.

Thursday

19

May 2011

2

COMMENTS

Clips From Paris Hilton’s Reality Show — She’s Still Heinous

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When you watch the clip below, you’ll understand why there is not much to say about Paris Hilton’s new reality show. In short, she’s just as terrible as you might expect. But in an effort to avoid negativity on The Dishmaster, I will quote the great Howard Stern who recently discussed Paris Hilton on his show. Stern said, “She is a c*unt. She’s the worst human being on the planet. She’s not even a human. She’s just so heinous. She has no inner soul. It’s sickening. She’s a monster.” And there you have it. Watch below and judge for yourself.
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Thursday

19

May 2011

1

COMMENTS

Titanic To Be Re-Released in 3D — Will Leonardo Fit on the Board Now?

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I’m not sure I need to explain again how I think 3D is an absolute abomination. And post-production 3D is even worse. In case you don’t know what that is, it’s basically when filmmakers are too lazy or inexperienced to use the heavy-duty 3D cameras, so they instead film everything the way they know how, and then once the film is complete, they convert it to 3D. Translation? — It looks even worse (if that’s possible). And just to drive the knife deeper into my heart, Titanic will now be re-released in 3D to commemorate its 100 year anniversary. I’m sure James Cameron is crying in the fetal position upon hearing the news. Though Cameron started this 3D debacle, he took years to develop the proper cameras to shoot Avatar. Since Avatar, oodles of studio executives are feebly attempting to duplicate his success, because studio executives are greedy monsters with no artistic integrity. I’d like to close this post with one last inquiry/complaint. Will the size of that board that Leonardo DiCaprio failed to utilize at the end of Titanic look even larger in 3D? It still infuriates me that he couldn’t share it with Kate. Seriously — that board was super big. Couldn’t they spoon on it or something?

Thursday

19

May 2011

1

COMMENTS

Haley Reinhart Butchers Alanis Morissette​’s ‘You Outta Know’

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Before I launch into my tirade about Haley Reinhart’s abysmal performance of Alanis Morissette’s ‘You Outta Know,’ I’d like to profess that I blame this entirely on the judges, who picked the song. Haley has an extremely sweet persona, and she simply cannot pull-off the angry chick thing. I might be biased, though. I confess that I’ve personally sung this song in my car approximately 5,000 times, and I scream especially loud when I hear the lyric, “and every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back I hope you feel it.” Perhaps Haley is a little too young to fully understand what it means to ask a man if he’s thinking of her when he “fu*ks” another chick. Give it a few years and a few terrible guys, and then ask her to perform the song. As for the horrific judges, as expected, they said nothing negative. How many days until Simon Cowell is on the air again? Watch below.
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Thursday

19

May 2011

2

COMMENTS

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Mistress Revealed: Why do Men Cheat With Unattractive Women?

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When the news of John Edwards affair first broke, I joked with my father about Edwards’ unattractive mistress. “If you’re going to cheat,” I said, “then she better be way hotter than your wife.” My father quickly corrected me and explained that married men cheat with unattractive women because their options are limited. Though I understand his point, I draw the line at Arnold’s new mistress. It just doesn’t make any sense. Plus, I’m sure there are oodles of hot, trashy women that want to have sex with The Terminator — married or not. So why screw the woman that lives in his house with his children? All I know is — Elliot Spitzer is looking mighty good right now.

Tuesday

17

May 2011

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COMMENTS

Teri Hatcher Tells Wendy Williams About Her Ryan Seacrest Date

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Since Teri Hatcher is one of my favorite talk-show guests, I’m posting her very funny description of her date with Ryan Seacrest below. Hatcher told Wendy Williams that she and Seacrest were set up on a blind date by a friend who is now “off the blind date set-up list.” Yikes! To be fair, though — didn’t she know what she was getting into when she consented to the date? Or did her friend simply say, “I’m going to set you up with this really cheesy guy who hosts this really cheesy show?”
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Tuesday

17

May 2011

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Christina Aguilera on The Today Show — Needs a Major Makeover

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Christina Aguilera appeared on The Today Show with Matt Lauer to discuss her new hit show, The Voice, and it’s time to take her to task on her appearance. Since everything I’m about to say can be fixed, please refrain from verbally attacking me. First, her extensions are absolutely hideous. And the platinum blond hair color does not help. To put it simply, it looks trashy. Second, she needs to hire a new stylist. I’m not sure what look she is attempting to portray, but her dress is not flattering. She’s curvy, and she’s wearing an extremely tight baby doll dress. And lastly, what’s with all the makeup? She’s a pretty girl — so there’s no need to completely paint her face with caked on makeup and red lipstick. When you’re on a hit show, you have to think about these things. Again, someone needs to point this stuff out — and I suppose I have the unfortunate task of doing so. Sigh . . . it’s hard being The Dishmaster.

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Tuesday

17

May 2011

0

COMMENTS

Randy Jackson Calls ‘The Voice’ Gimmicky — Gives Very Funny Quote

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I just came across this quote from Randy Jackson about ‘The Voice,’ and I have to share it. When asked what he thinks of the new singing show, Jackson called it “gimmicky.” Then he said (and here comes the good part), “Maybe Simon Cowell should have people opening doors. Like, ‘Knock, knock; Who’s singing? I can’t see you!’” Who knew Jackson was such a jokester! I also think the show is gimmicky, but I must admit it’s a guilty pleasure. Besides, I’d rather have a gimmicky show that’s entertaining than the reformed version of American Idol — which sucks.