THE DISHMASTER

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS WITH A SIDE OF DISH

Sunday

22

May 2011

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COMMENTS

Rihanna & Britney Spears Perform at Billboard Music Awards — Leotards Galore!

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Tonight was a big night for Britney Spears. Though she’s appeared on different shows, she has yet to perform at an awards show since the MTV Video Music Awards debacle. When I first heard she’d be performing at the Billboard Music Awards, I thought it was a tabloid rumor. Then I heard the details, and it immediately became clear. Rihanna carried it, and Britney did a brief, one minute performance. Overall, it was fine. Since I’ve attacked Britney Spears for her recently lack of choreography, I’d like to note that Rihanna’s performance indicates that choreography isn’t essential to success. In fact, all you have to do to entertain the crowd is dress like a whore and gyrate on stage. Oh yeah — and wear a thong while imaginary men reach their hands toward your exposed ass. I’m not a prude, though — I just call it like I see it. Watch their performance below.
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Sunday

22

May 2011

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COMMENTS

NBC’s ‘The Voice’ — Vicci Martinez v. Niki Dawson — Best Duet Ever

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Some might say that NBC’s show, The Voice, is “gimmicky” — which it is. After all, the “battle rounds” take place in a boxing ring. Though it’s certainly ridiculous, it’s also one of my favorite new shows on television. In the battle round below, you’ll see Vicci Martinez and Niki Dawson sing Pink’s song, ‘Fu*kin Perfect,’ and Vicci Martinez completely blew me away. I’d like to take this moment to predict her future success, so that if I’m right, I can brag about it for years to come. If I’m wrong . . . well . . . I can always delete the post.
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Sunday

22

May 2011

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COMMENTS

Dancing With the Stars’ Hines Ward — NFL’s “Dirtiest” Player

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While catching up on last week’s ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ I thought to myself, “gee, that Hines Ward is such a cuddly teddy bear.  In fact, I just want to hug him and pinch his cheeks.”  Since I don’t know much about him, I decided to do some research.  Turns out, he’s not so cuddly after all.  Two years ago, Ward’s peers voted him the “dirtiest player” in the NFL.  Apparently, he broke the jaw of Bengals’ Keith Rivers, with a “surprise downfield block.” I put that line from Sports Illustrated in quotations, because I have absolutely no idea what it means, so I’m unable to paraphrase.  And in case that annoys you, please make a personal phone call to my father, whose sibling favoritism resulted in my brother’s attendance at every football game.   But enough about me.  Anyways, Ward responded to the criticism by saying, “when I go across the middle, those guys aren’t going to tackle me softly and lay me down to the ground. That’s not football. I find it ironic that now you see a receiver delivering blows, and it’s an issue. But I haven’t changed. I’ve been doing it this way for 11 years.”  Again, I have no idea what “going across the middle” means, but it sounds serious.  Authentic teddy bears are hard to find, I suppose.

Sunday

22

May 2011

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COMMENTS

Tabloid Gossip — Weekly Recap

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  • Rachel McAdams & Michael Sheen confirmed their romance.  Celebrific
  • Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler had gay sex, but he didn’t like it.  Gawker
  • January Jones might have been impregnated by a married man.  The Superficial
  • Singer Michael Buble released his wedding pictures. His wife is very hot.  Just Jared
  • Ginnifer Goodwin called off her engagement.  Jezebel
  • Gossip Girl’s Penn Badgley moved on from ex-girlfriend Blake Lively and is reportedly dating Jessica McNamee.  Starpulse
  • Alex Pettyfer is doing some serious PR damage control.  The Frisky

 

Sunday

22

May 2011

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COMMENTS

Ginnifer Goodwin has a “Southern Woman’s Ass” — I Love Her

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In a recent Marie Claire interview to promote her film, Something Borrowed, Goodwin discussed her body image. Of her weight, Goodwin said, “I am genetically predisposed to be a bigger girl than I am. If I didn’t live in Hollywood, I would be. I have very real hips and a real southern woman’s ass.” I don’t know about you, but I love when an actress admits to losing weight for Hollywood. It’s certainly better than trying to convince everyone that your hot body is the result of eating endless pizzas and hamburgers all day. Hats off to Ginnifer Goodwin. And since I love me a curvy girl, here’s hoping she puts on a few pounds sometime soon.

Saturday

21

May 2011

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Saturday

21

May 2011

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COMMENTS

Pink Attacks Selena Gomez for Painting Horses Pink

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You would think that an artist named Pink would enjoy the color theme that Selena Gomez chose for her new video. Perhaps if she painted herself pink instead of horses, she might have been in the clear. As a PETA supporter, Pink said, “If there are any animal activists around Malibu . . . there are horses being painted for a stupid music video. Shame.” Selena Gomez’s team immediately responded to the bad press, saying that the material used to paint the horses is a “non toxic, vegetable based powder paint” and it “was applied via an airbrush and removed with water.” Well, I’m glad Gomez’s people cleared that up. Personally, I love being painted with a non toxic based powder paint and standing in the sun on a hot Los Angeles day. Those animals must have really enjoyed themselves.

Thursday

19

May 2011

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Thursday

19

May 2011

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COMMENTS

Why Do Jennifer Aniston’s Reps Get So Angry About Dating Rumors?

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When tabloids discuss Jennifer Aniston’s love-life, her team goes on an immediate attack. The latest rumor, is that Aniston is dating Justin Theroux. Her rep immediately denied the rumors, calling out the tabloid in question and insisting that there were three other people at the dinner. Judging by her team’s reaction, you’d think she was rumored to be having an affair with a married man. Is it really necessary to deny every single dating rumor? There’s been about four in the last month, none of which are damaging to her reputation. Is it better for the public to perceive her as a frigid bitch that never dates? If I were her, I’d just roll with it.

Thursday

19

May 2011

2

COMMENTS

Clips From Paris Hilton’s Reality Show — She’s Still Heinous

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When you watch the clip below, you’ll understand why there is not much to say about Paris Hilton’s new reality show. In short, she’s just as terrible as you might expect. But in an effort to avoid negativity on The Dishmaster, I will quote the great Howard Stern who recently discussed Paris Hilton on his show. Stern said, “She is a c*unt. She’s the worst human being on the planet. She’s not even a human. She’s just so heinous. She has no inner soul. It’s sickening. She’s a monster.” And there you have it. Watch below and judge for yourself.
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