When I think of New York, I think of David Letterman. So it only makes sense that he’d give us some entertainment during a terrible time. Plus, if you’re going to listen to ridiculous reporters blowing in the wind when they should be huddled up in their houses, then it’s nice to have an uplifting alternative. Hats off, Letterman. My love for you has exponentially increased. Watch his “monologue” delivered from his desk. It sure is odd without an audience, but he’s seasoned enough to make it work.
Daniel Bedingfield Releases Secret Fear Video — A Naked Metropolis
Daniel Bedingfield released his new “Secret Fear” video, and it’s clear he’s propositioning me. After all, everyone knows The Dishmaster requires excessive nudity to be won over, and Bedingfield certainly made an enticing case for himself. In fact, the man declared his insatiable desire to be perpetually naked during our interview, but I didn’t take him seriously until he spun in water sans clothes while canoodling with very hot boobies. Plus, the video is a nice reminder that our first loves are put on this planet to drown us — literally and figuratively. Watch below.
Tabloid Gossip — Weekend Rundown — The News in Brief
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- Lindsay Lohan’s publicist quit. New York Daily News
- Another member of NSYNC is off the market. People
- Taylor Swift is single again. E! Online
- Ashley Greene is on the market. Opposing Views
- Jennie Garth is a dating diva. ICYDK
- Adam Levine debuted his new model girlfriend. AOL
- Katy Perry and John Mayer have loud sex. Digital Spy
- Whitney Houston’s daughter is against incest. Wonderwall
- Jason Segel & Michelle Williams moved in together. The Gossip Girls
- Chris Brown might have impregnated his ex before dumping her for Rihanna. The Superficial
- Jessica Simpson’s father might be a homosexual. Radar Online
- Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez broke up. Los Angeles Times
- Brian Austin Green lost his lawsuit against Vanessa Marcil/his baby mamma. Daily Mail
- Steven Spielberg reconciled with his dad. The Wrap
- Russell Crowe is getting divorced. Huffington Post
- James Franco has a new girlfriend. Just Jared
- Another couple from The Bachelor bit the dust. Wet Paint
- Jesse James is dating a rich drag racer. Tabloid Column
Did You Know — Homeland’s Saul is Inigo Montoya
We all remember the infamous line from ‘The Princess Bride’: “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” We also all know Saul from Homeland, the supportive foil and rock for Carrie’s character (played by Claire Danes) at the Central Intelligence Agency. What you don’t know — is they are the same guy! I’m astounded. Good job, Mandy Patinkin. You are certainly a character chameleon.
Barbara Walters to Donald Trump: “You’re Making a Fool of Yourself”
There are a plethora of reasons that I have unconditional love for Barbara Walters, and you can see just one of them in the video below. Though she and Donald Trump are friends, she took the time to publicly scold him for his ridiculous Obama “announcement.” When the queen speaks, Donald should listen. Watch below.
TOM CRUISE SUES — The Cowboy Strikes Again
Regardless of the tabloid trash Tom Cruise that surrounds Tom Cruise’s life, I will always love him. And I will also always love that he has a zero tolerance policy for defamation, and he’s unafraid to sue. Such is the case with Life & Style and In Touch Magazine, who he is suing for $50 million for claiming he abandoned his child. If you’re rich, then why not set a precedent of squashing these horrific stories, especially when those stories involve innocent children that did not choose the limelight? Good job, Tom.
Britney Spears Photo-Bombs Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel
Did Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel’s Friend Mock Homeless People? — I Vote No
Am I the only person on the planet that approves of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel’s wedding video? It’s purpose isn’t to mock homeless people, it’s to mock Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel for their ridiculously expensive wedding. Furthermore, the subjects seem in on the joke.
Dancing With the Stars Does Gangnam Style — Dance Floor Weeps
Bruno Mars’ “Locked Out of Heaven” — Police Rip-off?
The second I heard Bruno Mars perform “Locked Out of Heaven” on Saturday Night Live I thought it sounded strikingly similar to a Police song. So I googled it, and predictably, I’m not the only one who noticed. In fact, Bruno Mars himself addressed the controversy, saying, “I grew up listening to the Police, I grew up performing in bars, singing Police songs. … I remember performing a song like ‘Roxanne,’ and you play those first couple of chords, and you hit that first note, and you watch the whole bar ignite. And as an artist, as a songwriter, it’s like ‘Man, I want to write a song that makes people’s eyes explode the first chord!'” I suppose the best way to write a song like The Police is to copy it? As an aside, Bruno Mars is an astoundingly good performer. Watch below.
Update: Sting just performed this song with Bruno Mars at the 2013 Grammys. If Sting isn’t pissed, then neither is The Dishmaster.