THE DISHMASTER

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS WITH A SIDE OF DISH

Friday

3

June 2011

0

COMMENTS

The Real Housewives of NYC — Ramona and Jill Are Certifiable

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I never take the time to watch a full episode of The Real Housewives, no matter what the city. Having said that, every time I see a clip I simply cannot look away. I’m not sure what Jill Zarin and Ramona are fighting about in the clip below, but I am sure of one thing — Jill intentionally flipped her hair around during the fight, so as to ensure she looked extra good while screaming. As for Ramona — I wonder if her plight to the bed was choreographed after watching a soap opera. Perhaps it’s an homage to the recently canceled All My Children.
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Friday

3

June 2011

4

COMMENTS

Frances McDormand Addresses Audience During Play — Unprofessional Actress?

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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If you cannot stay in character when an audience member does something to distract you, then you cannot call yourself an actress. Frances McDormand stopped her play, ‘Good People,’ to directly address an audience member who answered a disruptive phone call. She said, “when you’re done, we’ll resume.” This reminds me of my high school English teacher who was so offended by a student reading a book during his lecture that he actually stopped speaking and sat at his desk in silence for the remainder of the class. Really? You are going to let one douchey guy ruin it for everyone? It’s far more damaging to my Broadway experience for an actor to break character than it is to hear a ringing cell phone. So congratulations — and go back to acting school.

Friday

3

June 2011

0

COMMENTS

‘The World According to Paris’ — A Watchable Train Wreck

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Paris Hilton’s new show is an absolute train wreck — and I loved every minute of it. While I usually try to keep this blog positive, I’ll make an exception for Hilton, who is such an enigma of horribleness — I can’t take my eyes off of her. In case you make the mistake of avoiding the attached episode below, I’ll give you some nutshell plot points. First, she is friends with Brooke Mueller, who I actually felt sorry for throughout the episode. Unlike Paris, Brooke might have a soul, as evidenced by her relationship with her personal assistant/best friend, who Paris hates and Brooke loves. In an attempt to squash their tension, Brooke asks her assistant to talk to Paris. Paris won’t engage, followed by a voice-over which says, “is this an episode of Gossip Girl? As if cornering me in the stairwell is going to make me like her more.” Later in the episode Paris has a fight with her boyfriend, Cy Waits, who discovered inappropriate text messages between Paris and another guy. And just when I thought her sadness over their fight provided evidence that she’s a human being, my hopes were squashed by another horrific voice-over comment, where Paris says, “[my] baby voice has always gotten me what I wanted. But I don’t know if it’s going to work this time.” Apparently, it did work. Cy forgives her just as the episode ends. Man — I sure can’t wait for next week (and no, I am not being sarcastic).
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Thursday

2

June 2011

0

COMMENTS

Keeping Up With the Kardashians Season 6 Promo — Is Kim in a Wind Tunnel?

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My favorite part of the promo for season 6 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, is Kim Kardashian’s face during the end of the promo, which includes an open mouth while shaking her head to what I presume is a fan in the background. You’ll have to watch, because I simply cannot describe it properly.  As an aside, is nothing sacred? Judging from the clip below, Kris Humphries proposed to Kim on camera.  Have the Kardashians now converted some other innocent person to sell his soul for television? Watch the clip below.
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Tuesday

31

May 2011

5

COMMENTS

The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger — Funniest Video I’ve Ever Seen

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There are simply no words to describe how much I laughed when I saw the honey badger video. My friend sent it to me while I was lamenting about a boy, and needless to say, it immediately changed my mood. I did some research on Randall the narrator, and I came across a hilarious interview with someone who is clearly not “Randall.” It’s all a mystery — and a great one. Click the link below to watch the video.

Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger

Tuesday

31

May 2011

0

COMMENTS

Roger Ebert Still Hates ‘Thor’ — Won’t Apologize for Movie Review

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Leave it to Roger Ebert stand firm amidst harsh criticism. In a nutshell, Ebert hated Thor, and the Thor fans attacked him. Instead of apologizing or re-evaluating his review, Ebert explained his points, and as expected, I’m once again flooded with Roger Ebert love. I’ve posted some choice quotes from his non-apology below. Sit back and enjoy it, because no one can engage in a war of the words quite like Roger Ebert.

On Fan Hatred of his Review

After my “Thor” review hit the fan, I was pummeled by outraged comments. A large number cited factual inaccuracies and speculated that I had not seen the movie at all. Some stated that as a fact. One called for me to be fired. Of course I saw the movie. I haven’t spent 44 years at this to start making things up now. I might indeed question how many other movies some of my correspondents have seen, since they confused “Thor” with a good film.

On getting one of the robot’s name wrong in his review

With some films every frame seems to register. Others have a strange quality of slipping wraith-like through my mind without hitting any brain cells. If the robot was named the Destroyer, the best reason for my failure to recall its name was that I just didn’t give a damn.

On His Inaccuracies in describing the film’s plot

Obviously my mistake was to get into the plot at all. One of my weaknesses is to play with the logic of preposterous movies like this. I consider that an amusing exercise, to be read as entertainment and not taken so damned seriously.

On Thor Being a Bad Movie

Does it make a movie “good” because you “like” it? No, it doesn’t, and I have liked a lot of bad movies. It is helpful to separate one’s immediate amusement from more lasting standards. “Thor” is a minor superhero movie with a boring back story and an underwhelming weapon (his hammer).

Tuesday

31

May 2011

5

COMMENTS

Rob Lowe & Bradley Cooper Insult Sarah Jessica Parker — Two Idiots

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When celebrities insult other celebrities, it either makes me extremely happy or extremely annoyed. If the subject of the insult is actually a jerk, I think it’s great to publicly expose bad behavior. But they better be a jerk. Rob Lowe and Bradley Cooper recently insulted Sarah Jessica Parker on ‘The Graham Norton Show,’ and after seeing their complaints, it occurred to me that Rob Lowe and Bradley Cooper are the jerks in the story. According to Lowe, Parker was pissed that Lowe got her eye color wrong in his new book and she told a third party who relayed the message. Cooper has a similar story. He appeared beside Parker in an episode of ‘Sex and the City,’ and Parker asked someone to tell Cooper not to stick his tongue in her mouth. Apparently, both these stories mean Sarah Jessica Parker is rude. Explain to me why it’s intrinsically rude to relay an awkward message through a third party. In fact, I often relay messages to third parties even when the subject himself is present. For example, I might turn to the person on my right and say, “isn’t this guy to my left super annoying?” Watch them discuss the story below.
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Tuesday

31

May 2011

4

COMMENTS

Maksim Chmerkovskiy Dating Cheryl Burke — Huh?

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I’m constantly editing my celebrities-I’d-like-to-ba*g-list, and I often fantasize that at the right club in Los Angeles, I could possibly land some of these very attractive men. One of those contenders is the spicy hot Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who is so good-looking he actually hurts my eyes. As it turns out, I might be able to land him after all. Maksim was spotted making out with Cheryl Burke at a club, and though I think Cheryl Burke is a very beautiful woman — let’s just say we are of the same vain. I find their hookup especially curious, since Maksim went on record insulting Cheryl’s weight, and Cheryl fired back, saying that the pressure to be thin from her “colleagues” was hurtful. I guess he got over it — and so did she.

Saturday

28

May 2011

0

COMMENTS

Dishmaster Vacation — Happy Memorial Day

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If you’re a regular reader, then I can only assume you’ll be devastated to find out that I’m taking a vacation for Memorial Day, and I will not be tending to the blog over the weekend. If you’re not a regular reader — then it’s time to become one! Enjoy the holiday. I know I will. See you next Tuesday (no pun intended).

Thursday

26

May 2011

1

COMMENTS

Kevin Bacon Tells Howard Stern he Hates Weddings — Dreads Footloose Song

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Kevin Bacon had a very funny interview with Howard Stern today, where he disclosed his hatred for weddings, because the DJ always plays Footloose, followed by the entire wedding party’s expectation that Bacon dance to the song. As Bacon appropriately pointed out, weddings are supposed to be about the bride and groom, and not about the guy who starred in Footloose. I suppose I found this story particularly funny, because I can relate. Though I didn’t star in Footloose, I find myself avoiding Bar Mitzvahs for fear that the DJ will play YMCA, and I’ll break out into a cold sweat while remembering my Bar Mitzvah laden childhood. I’ve often approached the DJ at Bar Mitzvahs and said, “listen, I spent an entire year of my life hearing that horrible song every weekend, and I would appreciate you not playing it. I’m sure you can predict what happens next — he plays it.