Tammy Lynn Michaels is Broke? — Can She Please Write Complete Sentences?
Not only do I find it incredibly annoying when celebrities let their personal lives play out in the press, but it’s even worse when they can’t properly put a sentence together. If you’re going to use your personal blog to bash an ex, at least make sure the punctuation is correct. Tammy Lynn Michaels, the ex-wife of Melissa Etheridge, has written a “poem” on her blog explaining that she’s too broke to even buy food. News reports suggest that Etheridge gives Michaels the small sum of $2,000 per month, plus household expenses (which might be a coded way of saying she just pays for toilet paper). That sounds like nothing when you take Etheridge’s salary into account; however, I’m still opposed to the haiku style of writing. Just say, “my ex-wife is a selfish, horrible person, and then call it a day. See, I even used a comma. Hopefully my own punctuation is correct. Otherwise, I might have to send Tammy Lynn Michaels a long apology note.
Kim Kardashian Poses Naked for W Magazine — A Raging Hypocrite
Kim Kardashian posed completely naked for W Magazine, shortly after proclaiming that she “regrets” her Playboy shoot, which she only agreed to because of “pressure from her mother.” Did her mother threaten to ground her if she didn’t pose naked again, or does Kim Kardashian just wait for the public’s reaction to her choices, and then say she regrets them if they are not well-received? Something tells me it’s the latter. I wonder what her excuse will be for the W shoot? Let’s come up with some explanations. Perhaps she was getting in the shower naked, and a professional photographer happened to be there, and snapped those photos without her knowledge? That’s way too crafty. Hmm — Maybe she was drunk?
Tabloid Roundup
- Laura Dern was blindsided by Ben Harper’s divorce filing. Radar Online
- Jersey Shore’s Ronnie is embarrassed for how he treated his girlfriend, Sammi. Celebrity Cafe
- Danii Minogue is furious that Sharon Osbourne might return to X-Factor. Daily Mail
- Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore renewed their wedding vows in Israel. Fan Carpet
- Rumer Willis has a new boyfriend. Digital Spy
- American Idol’s Crystal Bowersox got married. E! Online
- Wilmer Valderrama still loves Lindsay Lohan. OMG, Music
- Kim Kardashian was in a bar fight. Miami Herald
- Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna insist that their store robbery was not a publicity stunt. Extra TV
- Johnny Knoxville is still recovering from his penis injury. Female First
- Ryan Phillippe is dating AnnaLynne McCord’s sister, Angel. Ear Sucker
Attention Hollywood: Stop Making Movies About Horses
Jersey Shore Cast-Members Get a Spin-Off — Bad Idea MTV
Denise Richards Will Write a Book — Can Celebs Stick to Their Craft?
Denise Richards is “writing” an auto-biography about her life, and I’m officially petitioning for a moratorium on celebrity books. I realize its an easy way to make money, but it’s time for celebrities to stick to their specific craft. I’m fuzzy as to what Denise Richards’ “craft” is, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with a Neve Campbell makeout session. More importantly, I’m against auto-biographies in general. They are just masturbatory monologues told from the biased perspective of the author. Unless someone else is tattling on your deviant behavior, I’m not interested.
Actors Who Turn Down Hit Roles — The Occupational Hazard
ROB LOWE — Rob Lowe turned down Patrick Dempsey’s role in Grey’s Anatomy, and unlike John Travolta, Lowe willingly admits his mistake. He said, “I coulda been McDreamy! It’s an occupational hazard. It happens to everybody. The great thing is that Patrick Dempsey is so great in that part and he’s such a great actor. If I’d have done that I wouldn’t be doing this great part and having this fun on Brothers And Sisters. It all works out.” The irony of that quote is that Lowe eventually left Brothers And Sisters amidst speculation that he hoped to be more of a leading man. He also left The West Wing during the height of its success, in favor of The Lyon’s Den, which was canceled after just six episodes. Perhaps the ensemble cast is the way to go, after all.
MARY LOUISE PARKER — Mary Louise Parker turned down Teri Hatcher’s role in Desperate Housewives. While promoting Weeds on The View, the panel of yentas asked Parker if she regrets her decision, and she simply said, “no, it wasn’t my role.” She was then accosted with the same question fifty more times. Parker held firm, and repeated that “it wasn’t [her] role.” The truth is, this really did work out for everyone involved. What would Weeds be without Mary Louise Parker?
DENZEL WASHINGTON — Denzel’s career has taken a bit of a beating in recent years. But then again, so has Hollywood in general. He admitted in an interview that he turned down the role in I, Robot, which later went to Will Smith. Personally, I didn’t like the film, but it made a killing at the box-office.
Katherine Heigl Addresses her “Image Problems” — Handles it Well
Katherine Heigl addressed her image problems head-on, while promoting her new film. Though I’ve picked on Heigl for “biting the hand that feeds her,” I think her response shows that she’s on the right track. The truth is that most of what she said in the press was correct. It all started with Grey’s Anatomy, when Isaiah Washington called T.R. Knight a faggot on set, and the creators brushed it aside, leaving Knight to handle the media bedlam on his own. Heigl bashed both the show and Washington, in defense of her best friend. She scored major points with me for doing so, and then quickly squandered my support when she publicly discussed her contract negotiation with Grey’s Anatomy, saying that she called it off because “she wasn’t getting the respect she deserved.” Everyone knows that you don’t publicly discuss your contract — it’s unprofessional. To make matters worse, she took herself out of the Emmys, because she didn’t feel that the writing was good enough to warrant an award. Again, it’s not the best idea to insult your writers, especially since writer fatigue is common on a long-running show, and an actor can’t expect great material for five seasons straight. She also called Knocked-Up ” sexist,” which didn’t sit well with Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow, who later bashed her on Howard Stern. Personally, I thought the movie was sexist, but it’s not exactly a press-friendly statement. So here’s the moral of the Katherine Heigl story — sometimes she’s right and sometimes she’s not. If the girl could just reign it in a little, instead of becoming a robot that churns out the stereotypical answers in interviews (which I predict we will start to see), she’ll be just fine. Watch her discuss the issue below.