Artie Lange fans will rejoice to hear that he’s recovered from his recent suicide attempt. Lange performed stand-up at The Comedy Center this weekend, alongside Craig Gass. Gass mentioned that Lange looked great while on Howard Stern today, and Stern suspiciously avoided the subject. I’m guessing that Stern still does not know how to tactfully discuss Lange, and he therefore avoids the subject as much as possible. Judging from the pictures of Lange, it looks like he got his act together. There is a rumor that he will appear on Stern prior to Stern’s contract with Sirius ending, but who knows if he would ever return to the show on a permanent basis. It’s probably best that he doesn’t.
Hottie of the Week: James Tupper
I noticed a very good-looking man on the season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy, and I had to look him up, so I could add him to my desert-island-list. He played Dr. Andrew Perkins. So who is James Tupper, anyways? His career-launching role was in Men in Trees, where he met his current girlfriend, Anne Heche. Tupper also played a doctor on the short-lived NBC television series, Mercy. Here’s hoping he has more than one episode on Grey’s Anatomy, because the man sure is yummy. Oh yeah — did I also mention he’s a great actor? But isn’t looks more important? I confess — I’m a superficial Dishmaster.
Best Television Commercial Jingles
If Uncle Jesse from Full House were still on television, he might be out of a job. Television jingles are, unfortunately, a thing of the past. In honor of my childhood, I’ve posted a list of some of my favorite jingles. Enjoy!
DOUBLEMINT GUM — I used to chew this gum, while imagining myself as a blonde twin riding a double-bicycle while flashing my pearly white teeth. Then I got a cavity, and the fantasy was over.
TOYS R US – Remember the days when you would walk into Toys R Us and there was an entire wall of cute toys, and you wanted every single one. Now I walk into Toys R Us and I’m flooded with strange pool toys. Where’s my damn silly putty?!
MENTOS – I used to ask my mother for gum, and she’d say, I don’t have gum, but I have Mentos. To this day, I have no idea what Mentos is. Is it a gum or is it a mint? Perhaps someone could explain it to me.
BAND AID — This commercial is fortunately still around. The jingle was written by Barry Manilow, and he probably could have retired from this commercial money alone.
BIG RED — Oh how I loved Big Red. At least for the two minutes of flavor. Good enough, though.
CHILI’S BABY BACK RIBS – I’ve never liked Chili’s, but I certainly liked this commercial. In fact, since I began writing this post, I can’t get the jingle out of my head. Dammit!
1-800-MATTRESS — This commercial plagued me for most of my childhood. I remember thinking, “why do they leave off the extra ‘S?’ Could they not have thought of a better jingle that incorporated the last ‘S?'” When I brought this up to my friends, they looked at me, puzzled, and said, “who cares?! Don’t you have more important things to worry about?” The answer is no. I’m a crazy lunatic that thinks about mattress commercials. Hence, this post.
Movie Review: You Again
This movie just didn’t work. The script was such a mess, I found myself in physical pain for most of the film. Here’s the story in a nutshell: Kristen Bell’s high school bully is marrying her brother, and she wants to stop the wedding. Apparently, her brother (that she was very close with in high school) never knew that his future wife made his little sister’s life miserable as a teenager, and Bell makes it her mission to let him know. Sense the script holes already? The movie is so focused on the brother and his horrible fiance, I’m surprised Bell was even billed as the star of the film, considering she was barely in it. Though she had her own love interest, the actor who played her crush was a major miscast, and he only had about four lines in the entire film. The other problem with the film is the heavy stunt-casting. When you put Sigourney Weaver, Jamie Lee Curis, and Betty White, in a movie as supporting players, you better give them something to say. Unfortunately, their roles took away from the plot instead of adding to it. It’s simply impossible to make a movie with 6 sub-plots, and maintain its depth. You should have a little more trust in the lead. Oh and one more thing — the movie wasn’t funny. Almost every scene tried to be funny, and I looked around the theater to notice that no one was laughing. And I won’t even mention a disgusting scene with Betty White that should have been left on the cutting room floor.
Did You Know: Will Arnett is the Voice in the GMC Commercials
When I learned that Will Arnett was the voice in those GMC commercials, I was shocked, mostly because I envision him as that fun, goofy guy from Arrested Development. Who knew he had such a serious voice? I learned this information during Arnett’s appearance on Howard Stern to promote his new pilot with Keri Russell, Running Wilde. The creator, Mitch Hurwitz, also created Arrested Development. Though I have my fingers crossed for Arnett’s new show, at least he has the ongoing voice-over work, which is the most coveted “get” in Hollywood. The commercials take very little man-hours to record, and Arnett gets paid every time it airs. Watch the commercial below, and wait until the end to hear Arnett’s hot-and sexy voice.
Is Conan String-Dancing on Jeff Zucker’s Career-Grave?
The Mother-Zucker lost his job today, and I can’t help but wonder if Conan is secretly laughing. As I pointed out in yesterday’s Blockbuster post, I don’t usually rejoice at another’s demise, but I sometimes make exceptions. I’ll make an exception today for Jeff Zucker, who was the brains behind the Jay Leno/Conan O’Brien late-night debacle, and who handled his mistakes by pointing the finger at Conan’s failings, instead of his own. To quote the great Tim Gunn, “take responsibility for your own actions,” Mr. Zucker. As an aside, he also made a feeble attempt to smoke Conan off the air for three years, so that Conan could not move to another network to compete with Leno. It didn’t work, and insiders felt it was only a matter of time before Zucker was held accountable for his poor decisions. Zucker was fired by Comcast COO Steve Burke. If you would like a detailed account of Zucker’s failings while he headed NBC, then read Bill Carter’s fantastic book, Desperate Networks. You can also read Nikki Finke’s brief recap. How NBC kept him all this time, when he single-handedly sunk the network after NBC lost Friends, I’ll never understand. Oh wait — yes I will — It’s Hollywood. Here’s hoping that this gave Conan a slight sense of enjoyment.
Today’s Question: Is Bruce Springsteen Jewish?
Bruce Springsteen joins Sting on my fantasy list of hot entertainers I’d like to be stuck with on a deserted island. In my fantasy, we get rescued from the island after many wonderful years living off the earth, and we continue our May-December romance on dry land. Though I can imagine my mother finding Sting to be a little strange, I think Springsteen would win her over. Why? Because he’s Jewish, isn’t he? When I Googled his name to confirm, I noticed something very strange. I spelled his name wrong! He’s not “Bruce Springstein!” His name has a double ‘e’ at the end! Translation? Bruce is not a Jew! How on earth am I going to take him home to my mother after we exit our deserted island? Alright, enough. We will just have to stay on the island forever, like The Blue Lagoon (only I’ll sink the rescue ship instead of eating poisonous berries).
Lifetime Doesn’t Get It — Tim Gunn Removes His Video Critique
There is only one person in the entertainment industry that properly gives fans a behind-the-scenes look at a television show, and that’s Tim Gunn. Gunn discussed the debauchery of the Project Runway producers in his Facebook video blog, and he later removed it because it created a “hurtful reaction.” I’m sure this “hurt” was experienced by the producers that he outed (he even used their names) as incompetent during his episode recap. Gunn said that the challenge simply didn’t “make sense,” as Jackie Kennedy would not be caught dead in American sportswear. He even divulged that he crashed the runway to interrupt the judges, because he felt they were being unfair to his designers who had trouble understanding the ridiculous challenge. No need to explain that Lifetime edited out Tim’s tirade, because they don’t know what makes for good television. There is an important lesson to be learned here. Not only do the Lifetime producers have trouble managing their own show, but they also have trouble understanding the importance of Gunn’s video blogs. If they were creatively adept, they would surely air them on the Lifetime website, because they are better than the show itself. Get your act together, guys. To watch the video, click the link below. Gunn may have removed it from his Facebook page, but not before it was grabbed by other bloggers.
TIM GUNN BASHES LIFETIME
Blockbuster Files Chapter 11 — The Witch is Dead
I don’t usually rejoice at the failings of others, but I’ll make an exception for Blockbuster. I’ve hated the company most of my life, primarily because they are responsible for many childhood scoldings from my father. Care for details? When I was a tweenie, there was little to do except rent movies with my friends and watch them at home. Because Blockbuster had a monopoly on movie rentals, I had no other options. I would inevitably lose the movie under my bed, and when I found it and returned it to Blockbuster, I was given an exorbitant late fee, which usually amounted to over $100. The bastards behind the counter never adjusted the price despite my tearful protests. The result was inevitable — I was grounded by my father, and banned from any future Blockbuster rentals, until I was old enough to either pay for the late fee myself, or put it on my own credit card. Needless to say, it was a long time before I rented movies again. Many years later, Netflix became the first company to give Blockbuster competition, and they immediately trounced them. Blockbuster then copied Netflix’s model, by launching online rentals, and changing their despised late fee policy. But it was too late. The online launch cost them millions, and the company never recovered. Perhaps if they decided much earlier not to rob little children like myself, they would have survived. It shouldn’t take a competitor to make your company moral, you should be moral on your own. So goodbye Blockbuster. May you rest in peace.
‘The View’ Ladies Discuss God — Stick to Gossip
There’s a very specific reason I love Barbara Walters on The View. She’s the only sensible lady on the panel, and I often describe her as the Queen of England at a petting zoo. The “hot topic” on yesterday’s show, was the recent scientific explanation about how the wind, and not God, parted the Red Sea. Both Sherri Shepherd and Elizabeth Hasselbeck had a predictable field day with the topic, with Babs filling in for Whoopi Goldberg as moderator. I’ve attached the clip below for your enjoyment, and pay close attention to Barbara’s questions — it’s very funny. She asks both Sherri and Elizabeth multiple times whether they believe in evolution, likely because she was astonished at their response. She also kept asking them whether they believe that everything in the bible should be taken literally, and you’ll have to watch to see their answer. Be careful when you watch it though; your brain might melt.