I saw Salt with my father, who obnoxiously interrupted the film during every action scene, to remind me how unrealistic it is for such a “scrawny woman” to beat up numerous men at one time. I told him that no one questioned the weaponless Tom Cruise when he beat up four guys in an elevator in Mission Impossible II. He laughed at the comparison. I then turned to my mother who confirmed my father’s take in very few words — “it’s a little ridiculous,” she said. The film was originally written for Tom Cruise, and last minute changes were made to the script when he dropped out. I imagine that if the script was originally written with Angelina in mind, the ass-kicking would have been kept to a minimum. Personally, I find it refreshing to see a woman kicking ass for once. Plus, close-ups of Angelina are always welcomed. As far as the plot goes, the story is moderately thin. Angelina may or may not be a Russian spy that is trying to blow up the world. It’s a believable guessing game, because even in real life, I cannot decide if Angelina is a villain. That made her great for this role. In the end, it’s enjoyable enough to see on the big screen. And it’s not a remake — which made me grade on a curve.
Elton John’s Publicist Wants to Fu*K You
Elton John’s publicist, Gary Farrow, told Deadline that John has no plans to be a judge on American Idol, and “there’s more of a chance of [him] fucking you, then Elton being on the U.S. Idol.” First of all, I thought publicists were supposed to class-up artists, so that artists don’t have to worry about putting their foot in their mouths. I wasn’t aware they get to be the expletive-laden mouthpieces of celebrities. Next time, maybe Farrow will say, “hey everyone, stop annoying the fuck out of me and just shut the fuck up.” Oh wait — that’s my fantasy statement. Nevermind.
Jon Hamm Won’t Get Married — I’m Destroyed
Jon Hamm said in a recent interview that he doesn’t believe in marriage, which seriously disrupts our future wedding together. Hamm is one of my favorite leading men. His career didn’t seriously take off until Mad Men, and I hear he’s one of the nicest guys in the business. He has said in interviews that being a struggling actor for much of his adult life, helps maintain his humility. As far as that whole not-getting-married thing, maybe I can change his mind. And convince his girlfriend to fork him over. Oh to dream . . .
American Idol Rumor — Nigel Lythgoe to Return?
There’s only one thing that can save American Idol, and it’s Nigel Lythgoe. Rumor has it that the folks over at Idol are getting him back as a producer. Since leaving , the show has taken a serious turn for the worse, and Lythgoe plans to rescue it by wiping out the current judging panel altogether. That means he’ll likely have to pay off Randy Jackson, who is said to still be under contract. Kara DioGuardi and Ellen DeGeneres were probably only signed for a year, so good riddance! The names currently floating around include: Jessica Simpson, Justin Timberlake, and Elton John. The only person that excites me about that panel is Jessica Simpson. Though she profusely annoys me, she’ll certainly bring the Paula factor back. Plus, she’s pretty to look at. I give a big no to Elton John and Justin Timberlake. Timberlake is still too relevant for the show, and Elton John was a terrible mentor when he appeared years ago. Just because you’re a successful musician, doesn’t mean you make for good television.
When Did The View Become a Nursing Home?
You wouldn’t think that Barbara Walters’ absence from The View would not have aged the show by 100 years — but it did. For some reason, the show that I love, has turned into a Joy Behar/Whoopi Goldberg gab-fest about how their breasts have fallen, what menopause is like, and how some women suffer from urinal leakage (no I’m not kidding). What on earth has this turned into? Everyone always complains about Elizabeth Hasselbeck, but at least she brings a hot, youth factor to the show. But there’s only so much she can do. When Queen Babs was there, you barely ever heard this talk. That’s either because Babs know what makes a good show, or she’s so concerned with being perceived as youthful, she avoids these topics altogether. Get your act together, ladies!
Oliver Stone Doesn’t Like Jews?
In a recent interview, Oliver Stone complained about the “Jewish domination of the media,” and said that “Israel has fucked up United States foreign policy for years.” First, I’d like to ask everyone in America to not give a shit about Oliver Stone — oh right — they already don’t. He hasn’t been artistically or socially relevant for years, and if I repeated all the stories I’ve heard about him, it would further confirm what a giant bag of douche he is. I won’t do it though, because I don’t want to waste my energy on Oliver Stone. This post was already too much.
Lance Armstrong Naked — Men Do It Too
If you are one of my regular readers, you might have noticed that I’m a bit of a she-hater. I often pick on actresses for posing naked on magazine covers, and then subsequently complaining about how Hollywood over-values looks and weight. As part of my tirade, I have pointed out that men don’t do the same, which is why men are not held to the same standards. Well, it’s time to eat a slice of humble pie. While reading about Lance Armstrong’s second retirement, I came across a vintage photo of him for Vanity Fair where — you guessed it — he’s naked. The photo was taken by the great Annie Leibovitz, who notoriously took a picture of Miley Cyrus in nothing but a sheet. Apparently, Leibovitz likes to see men naked too. Though I will continue to pick on actresses for their gratuitous nudity, it doesn’t hurt too much to admit when I’m wrong. Don’t get too used to it though. Too see the picture of Armstrong naked, click here.
Kevin Feige Clears up Ed Norton Controversy at Comic-Con — Or Doesn’t
Marvel’s Kevin Feige was asked about his below-the-belt Ed Norton statement, and he insists that there is no “bad blood.” When asked if he would be quite so honest about Norton if he had it to do over, he said that he “didn’t think [he] was being all that candid.” Wow. What exactly did Norton do to Kevin Feige? When an actor’s negotiation falls through, you don’t usually see the head of a movie studio bad mouth them in the press. So either Ed Norton killed Kevin Feige’s dog, or Kevin Feige is pretty damn unprofessional. And it certainly didn’t help to squash the controversy, when he said he “wasn’t being candid.” What’s more candid than basically calling an actor an asshole? Just how much hidden dirt does he have on Norton?
Charlie St. Cloud Premiere
Marion Cotillard is Naked for Interview Magazine — Scandalous
Nicole Kidman interviewed Marion Cotillard for Interview Magazine, and not surprisingly, Cotillard took her clothes off. While the pictures are beautiful, I am certainly at a loss as to why it was necessary for her to get naked. Isn’t she a serious actress? After all, she won an Oscar. So is there some role I don’t know about, which involves nudity and a come-fuck-me face? Did the photographer just run out of ideas? If I was friends with Ms. Cotillard, I might try and end the mystery of why every actress ends up naked in interviews. Is it the woman’s idea, or is there a skeevy male photographer that suggests how “artistic” it is. Anyways, though I like Interview Magazine, the Kidman/Cotillard interview is less of a question and answer session, and more of Kidman telling Cotallard how “otherworldly” and “hypnotic” she is. Is this an interview, or a celebrity ass-kissing session? Perhaps I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. To see the pictures in question, click here.