The FCC Ruling — A Big Victory for Nipples and Horse Semen Jokes

The United States 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals in New York, put the kibosh on the FCC today, claiming that it is unconstitutional to restrict “fleeting expletives.”  The court ruled that the FCC regulation violates the First Amendment, because it is unconstitutionally vague, which causes a “chilling effect” on speech.  To summarize, no one has any idea what violates the FCC’s vague rule, so people curb their speech altogether for fear of being fined.  The suit began in 2006 after Congress (under the Bush administration) increased fines for indecency following Janet Jackson’s nipple-gate at the super bowl.   Broadcast networks sued the FCC in retaliation for the fines, the networks won, the FCC appealed, and the court shut the FCC down on appeal today.  This is a big victory for the entertainment industry, because there is constant pressure during live broadcasts to monitor content that networks have no control over.  In honor of the First Amendment, I am attaching this previously posted ‘American Dad’ video, because nothing says free speech like bestiality.

Today’s Question: Do All Shows Have a Three Season Shelf-Life?

When I read that Desperate Housewives “jumped-the-shark” it got me thinking. Is it really fair to say that a television show is not as good as the first season? Unfortunately, most shows today hit their peak during season one. Why? Because they have such high-concepts, and it becomes impossible to duplicate that momentum. Desperate Housewives was so great when it started, because of the mini-murder mystery. When the mystery was complete, the show was too. Sure Marc Cherry tried to keep it afloat by inserting other mysteries, but he painted himself into a corner. Had the story been secondary to the characters, and not the other way around, perhaps it would not have taken such a hit. Look at Grey’s Anatomy. It began as character driven, and became story driven after season two — which is when the decline began (remember all those bombs and car crashes that strangely kept happening every other episode?). Interestingly, many of the most successful shows in television history got better after the first season, when the show had an opportunity to “find its way.” Both Seinfeld and Cheers, for example, did not immediately catch on. Those shows were built around the characters, not the intense story-lines, and it therefore avoided the creative roadblocks. So what’s the solution? Stop getting greedy and start getting creative. When someone pitches an idea that doesn’t involve a car-chase, don’t kick them out of the meeting. Also — don’t sack shows that struggle at their outset. Have some darn patience.

John Stamos Sues Girl for Extortion — I’m Confused

John Stamos is suing a girl for extortion, after she allegedly claimed to have pictures of him doing cocaine. The girl was said to be underage at the time she and Stamos had sex. Because the lawsuit is about extortion and not statutory rape, the only issue at hand is whether she tried to extort money from him, and not whether Stamos had sex with a 17 year old. Huh? Believe it or not, that’s actually not what I’m confused about. Here’s what I don’t understand: if you are John Stamos, and a girl is trying to extort money from you via email over a picture that doesn’t exist, wouldn’t you just hit the spam button on your computer? Don’t celebrities deal these types of crazies on a daily basis? Why draw attention to this by calling the FBI and taking it to court?

Howard Stern and Larry King — Two Cranky Jews in a Mud-Pit

Larry King and Howard Stern are in a very funny feud. If you listened to Stern today, he’ll tell you that the feud began when Larry King said in an interview that Howard Stern would not be a good replacement for him, as he is “tasteless,” “worthless,” and “the lowest common denominator.” Stern did not take too kindly to this, and went on a tirade about King, calling him a “lucky fu*khead who got away with murder with his career.” First of all, I enjoy Stern’s play-by-play about how King started this, considering Stern has dedicated many hours of his show pretending to be Larry King’s wife, who he says tried to kill herself because she had to have sex with King. I actually give King credit for having a little fight in him. Unfortunately for King though, he doesn’t have 5 hours of interview time to rail on Stern. It’s probably not a fair fight.

South Park Predicted the Mel Gibson Meltdown

Who knew the folks over at South Park were so ahead of their time?  Actually, I think everyone knew that.  Back in 2004, shortly after Passion of the Christ, South Park dedicated an episode to Mel Gibson’s insanity.  With Radar Online’s release of the Mel Gibson tapes, it’s only fitting to play a clip from South Park so that they get a little credit.  Watch below.

Whoopi Says Mel Gibson’s Not a Racist — I Beg to Differ

‘The View’ got heated, and this time it was Whoopi who caused the stir.  She defended Mel Gibson, and said that while he’s a “bonehead,” she cannot say he is a racist after having spent “time with him in her house with her children.”  First of all, can we all stop using the “my best friend is black” excuse?  I’ve met plenty of racists that have a black significant other, best friend, etc . . . .  Believe it or not, you don’t have to run through the streets shouting the N-word to be racist.  (Even though that’s basically what Mel Gibson did).  Here’s my next question for Whoopi: did he also hang out with you and keep your teeth intact?  Does that mean he’s not a wife-beater?  And how about his anti-Semitic tirade?  Oh right — he was drunk?  Plus, you have a Jewish last name.  That has to count for something.  Watch the video below.

GLAAD Attacks the View in Variety

All this time I thought that the ladies of ‘The View’ were actual scientists.  I’m so disappointed to learn that they got their facts wrong.  GLAAD is pissed at ‘The View’ and they took out an ad in Variety Magazine to demand an apology.  The controversy surrounds a ‘hot-topic,’ where the ladies claimed that the black community has a statistically higher rate of AIDS than the white community, because so many black men are gay and in the closet (“on the down-low”), and continue to have unprotected sex with women.  According to GLAAD, the Center for Disease Control has debunked this “myth,” and they want an apology so that the rumor goes no further.  Plus –and here comes the funny part — “when ‘The View’ talks about these kinds of issues, people listen”  Watch the discussion-in-question below.

Kim Cattrall Gets Honorary Fellowship — Who Knew Education Was This Easy?

When I first heard about honorary degrees, I thought: how do I get one of those?  Apparently you can save years of your life by merely being a celebrity.  Had I just spent those four miserable years of undergrad pursuing fame and fortune instead, I could have just bought my “honorary degree” and avoided all the painful pot-head speeches about how marijuana actually makes you more productive.  Kim Cattrall received her honorary fellowship from Liverpool John Moores University.  In her speech, she congratulated the graduating class on “work[ing] damn hard.”  Perhaps she should have included the line, “if all of you focused on a job instead of studying, you could have the same degree–except you would be rich on top of it.”

Edward Norton v. Marvel: The War Rages On

hulk

Edward Norton and Marvel could not come to a deal for the new Avengers movie, and the mud-slinging has begun.  Marvel’s President of Production, Kevin Feige said, “our decision is definitely not one based on monetary factors, but instead rooted in the need for an actor who embodies the creativity and collaborative spirit of our other talented cast members.”  Norton’s people were pissed by his statement and subsequently released a rather long play-by-play about what happened, but here’s Norton’s version in a nutshell: they started financial negotiations, they could not come to an agreement, and Marvel pulled the plug.  So Norton’s people don’t appreciate Marvel’s personal attacks.  When I first heard that Norton was even considered for this role I was shocked, considering the stunt he pulled with ‘The Hulk,’ where he refused to promote the film because he was pushed out of the editing room.  That being said, I am not sure why Marvel decided to go public with such a personal attack.  My guess is that they were pissed that they could not come to a financial agreement after weeks of negotiating, and decided to lodge some daggers at Norton as payback.  It’s extremely unprofessional and unnecessary.  Could you imagine if one of your former bosses released a statement to all of America about how much you suck?  It might be pretty difficult to get another job after that.

A Movie Called ‘LOL’ — This Expression Must Die

A remake of the 2008 French film, ‘LOL: Laughing Out Loud,’ is in the works, and I’m not laughing.  You might be surprised to discover that my problem with the film has nothing to do with Miley Cyrus as the lead, but rather, the use of this ridiculous expression in the title.  Yes, I am a child of an online generation, in which there are insane abbreviations for just about everything.  But I draw a serious line in the sand at LOL.  First of all, are you actually laughing out loud?  Second, why not just write “hah”?  Isn’t that simply more accurate?  I also don’t understand why men are so freely using such an effeminate expression.  Next they will start writing “Tee-Hee-Hee.”  Hopefully this blog will help eliminate this horrific pop-culture staple.  A giant leap for mankind from The Dishmaster.