THE DISHMASTER

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If your life-long question is, “What Would Ryan Lochte Do,” then fear not! The answer is nothing. And if you don’t believe me, just watch the clip below for his new show. I have to warn you though, if the Olympic gold medalist was on your fantasy-man list, then you’ll need a backup plan after watching it.

Until now, Kristin Chenoweth had yet to publicly address her odd romantic rendezvous with The Bachelor’s Jake Pavelka. For a woman with such a stellar dating resume (see Aaron Sorkin), it was certainly a shocking pick. Watch her reaction to Kathy Griffin’s inquiry.

 

• Brandi Glanville likes nerds. Radar Online

• Lindsay Lohan’s sticky fingers strike again (allegedly). TMZ

• Did Tiger Woods get Kris Humphries’ sloppy seconds? NYDN

• Did Justin Bieber spit on his neighbor? Huffington Post

• Meryl Streep’s daughter is ending her marriage. People

• Chace Crawford has a new lady love. Us Magazine

• One of the Spice Girls is single again. Daily Mail

• Jeremy Renner is a dad. USA Today

• Did Jennifer Lopez’s diva demands cost her a big gig? Starpulse

• Chris Brown & Rihanna are still together. Fear not! Idolator 

• There’s hope for John Mayer & Katy Perry. Stuff

• Kristin Chenoweth broke up with The Bachelor’s Jake Pavelka. CelebrityDirtyLaundry

• Another couple from The Bachelor bite the dust. Digital Spy

When James Franco appeared on David Letterman, he attempted to get to the bottom Harmony Korine’s Late Night ban. It’s clear that Franco had no idea why Letterman banned the Spring Breakers director, but guessed it had something to do with “pushing Meryl Streep.” Apparently, Korine was so “off the rails” at the time he also didn’t remember. Watch Letterman reveal the secret.

Either Wendy Williams is psychic, or she knows what everyone else in America knows: reality television will ruin your life. In an interview from last year, Williams scolded Porsha Stewart for her choice to appear on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, calling it the “stupidest thing ever,” and saying “by the end of the show your marriage will be torn apart.” Porsha’s husband, Kordell Stewart, filed for divorce a few days ago. I’m sure Williams wasn’t pleased to be right. Click the link below to see the vintage interview.

WENDY SCOLDS PORTIA

When one outlet advocates an opinion, the others run with it, and it’s soon too late to undo the damage. Such is the case with Matt Lauer’s Today Show downfall, and the constant assertions that he’s to blame for the ratings decline. So is he to blame? And will he recover?

While I’ve certainly taken my fair share of digs at Lauer for his aggressive interview style, the only people to blame for the ratings decline are Ann Curry and NBC. And before I get the backlash for bashing America’s sweetheart, allow me to explain. First, she never should have been promoted to that post in the first place. She was historically passed-over for that position for more appropriate hosts (see Meredith Vieria), and someone with a soft-spot felt it fair gift her with the role she’d been patiently eyeing. When she got it, it was immediately clear that she didn’t fit. She lacked the laid-back energy necessary for the show’s family-style morning atmosphere. Though she was perfect for hard news, the soft-stuff was an obvious struggle.

I don’t have inside sources at NBC, so I can’t confirm whether Lauer pointed out what was already clear to anyone watching — Curry didn’t fit, and she had to go. His nice-guy status began to tank when other news outlets did in fact blame him, and he was immediately painted as the bully who swiped the sweet-girl’s dream. My uneducated guess is that Curry and some inside-folks with an agenda leaked the stories. And Curry got public revenge when she openly weeped on the air, in what I can only describe as unprofessional. All I’ve ever left behind at a job is a thank you note and a smile, and while those jobs were not public, I certainly didn’t walk around the office complaining and crying about how I wish I could have “carried the ball.”

The subsequent fallout seems to be irreparable, and the only suggestion I’ve got is to commission Barbara Walters for a sit-down with Lauer and get the folks at NBC to give Ann Curry what she wants so she can stop leaking unflattering stories to the press about how NBC banned her from wishing cancer-stricken Robin Roberts well on twitter (Note: I don’t KNOW she leaked that, but again — it’s just an educated guess). Clean up your mess, guys. I’m sick of this garbage.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m a f—ing lead miner. There are harder jobs in the world. But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my c–k, I feel like that wasn’t part of the deal [of fame].” Jon Hamm, on the blogosphere erupting over his entrance into the ‘large members only’ club.

“Well, suppose a State said, Mr. Cooper, suppose a State said that, Because we think that the focus of marriage really should be on procreation, we are not going to give marriage licenses anymore to any couple where both people are over the age of 55. Would that be constitutional?” Justice Kagan, of The United States Supreme Court, Hollingsworth v. Perry.

All bad things must come to an end eventually, right? Even Jersey Shore had a shelf-life. So what about these Kardashian kon-artists? Though I originally felt apathetic about their ascent to fame, I now feel outraged. In a small-minded bid for ratings, the series villain, Scott Disick, killed an innocent alligator for sport. Why? Because it’s Miami of course, and alligators are all-the-rage.

The only way to pull this show is to stop watching it. And I’ve made that my movement. That being said, I’ve attached the disturbing clip below, so as to appeal to my readers to join in my outrage. These douchebags are done — start counting the clock.