THE DISHMASTER

Do you think that while Jennifer Lopez performed on American Idol she thought, “Hey Bitches, this is how it’s done?” She sure “Live[d] it up.” Watch the consummate diva break it down on Idol, and take special note of how she’s a bad-ass. Enjoy (it starts at the five minute mark).

Jennifer Lopez reigns supreme on my girl-crush list, and that’s a shocking revelation considering I bashed her in the early days. When rumors swirled that American Idol attempted to snag her mid-season in place of Mariah, I believed it immediately. The ratings are tanking, and the producers are desperate. Also — she was a popular addition whose absence has had a profound impact. Watch the curvy goddess address the rumors, and notice how she doesn’t deny it. Silence is compliance — at least in my world.

WRITTEN BY DEVIN CARBAUGH, GUEST CONTRIBUTOR

Since its 2002 debut, American Idol has been a household name and a ratings juggernaut. I first learned of the show months before it aired because I was part of the production crew that handled the Dallas, Texas auditions. Back then, we actually had to convince people to try-out. In fact, I was fortunate to have Kelly Clarkson in my audition group. I pre-interviewed her before she sang for the producers, and I immediately knew that she had something special; she was quick-witted and sassy and we hit it off right away. She hilariously asked that I hold her purse and answer her phone if it rang while she auditioned. The rest, as you know, is history.

Eleven years later, another small-town girl from Woodville, Texas is a top seven “American Idol” contender. Her name is Kree Harrison. I was also raised in Woodville, which has a current population of 2,574. A few nights ago I got to see her sing live. The entire experience was amazing. It was Rock’n’ Roll night, so the remaining contestants belted out their favorite rock song from the past several decades, even singing duets and trios. My hometown girl sang a Janis Joplin number – “Piece of My Heart,” and Amber Holcomb gave a chilling performance reminiscent of Whitney Houston.

As I sat in the audience that night, I pinched myself at the thought of the show’s trajectory since I met Kelly Clarkson. And though there are many contestants who deserve to win, I’m certainly hoping for a two-time, Texas victory.

TAKE PART

If any fans would also like to take part in the show, now’s your chance! Submit your ideas for an upcoming musical theme, courtesy of AT&T. Just tweet your ideas using the hashtag #ATTIdolTheme. Click HERE for more information.

In what can only be described as confusing, Heidi Klum has joined America’s Got Talent as its fourth judge. The fourth judge format is completely lost on me. When America’s biggest talent show began with a three-judge format (see American Idol), you’d think every other talent show would duplicate the choice. In fact, even American Idol has violated its original vision.

As soon as the fourth judge is added, the show becomes more about the panel than the talent. Time gets taken, bickering begins, and the contestants fade away into an unmemorable existence. The only explanation for this perpetual failing has to be that the creative teams are insecure about their judge selections, and they hope to assuage a backlash by providing the audience with additional options. If there’s any other reason, I’d like someone to explain it. As for Heidi Klum — though I like her on Project Runway, I’m shocked that she’s not bound to an exclusive deal. Doing this show waters down her brand. Perhaps Lifetime consented because they think exposing Klum to a larger audience will boost their own. Who knows.

First she pouts, then she’s pissed, and then she has a childish meltdown. Nicki Minaj’s unprofessional tirade proves she’s not cut out for the job, and the ratings decline I anticipate proves she should be paid-out and pushed-out. It is a judge’s job to guide the contestants, not to get in their way. If you want the spotlight, take the stage yourself instead of stealing it. And furthermore, her unfounded objection made her appear unhinged. The judges are allowed to inquire as to an artist’s identity. That’s an important part of a brand, and brand is everything. Watch below.

It took me a solid fifteen seconds to realize the drastic error of combining Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj on the American Idol judging panel. The producers got greedy and thought that adding two power-house players instead of one would get even more viewers. The only problem? These dueling divas cancel each other out. The other problem? Nicki Minaj isn’t deserving of the slot. First, she’s more concerned with her own camera time than the contestants, and second, the true star is Mariah Carey, and Minaj is dimming her light. In fact, I’d venture to guess that she’s intentionally dimming her light out of her own insecurity. Mariah Carey is too good for this, and Nicki Minaj isn’t good enough. I feel sorry for her that she signed on prior to knowing that Minaj was hired, and I’m relatively certain her contractual obligation is the only reason she stayed.

When I found out about Mariah Carey’s decision to join American Idol, I thought: “I’ll take the Mariah Carey from ten years ago, and not the Mariah Carey of today.” That’s not a dig at the current state of her career, it’s a dig at the current state of her public persona. In short — she’s almost become a caricature of herself, exuding a diva-like temperament in every interview. I miss the down-to-earth, flannel wearing Mariah Carey of the old days. To prove my point, I’ve posted a vintage interview with the superstar below. Here’s hoping she’s relatable enough to pull off this new role. After all, if Jennifer Lopez can turn her image around, so can Mariah Carey.

This is a hit I never saw coming. Steven Tyler officially announced that he’s leaving American Idol, saying, “I strayed from my first love, Aerosmith, and I’m back.” It’s rumored that Jennifer Lopez is on her way out also, which is mostly attributed to her recent career resurgence. I can’t help but wonder if his announcement is a fancy way of saying, “they didn’t ask me back,” but I’ll squash my internal cynic for a moment and make an even more cynical comment: His exit is completely irrelevant. His “everyone-is-wonderful” attitude didn’t add much to the show, and it only served to hurt his rock-star brand. So welcome back to the real world, Steven. We missed you over here.

I love Phillip Phillips, and he deserved the crown tonight. He’s humble, and he’s talented. He’s also adorably close to his family, who he chose to hug instead of finishing his song, which he couldn’t sing because he was crying. Watch below.

Jennifer Holliday’s ‘Dreamgirls’ performance of “And I’m Telling You” has been copied more times than I can count, with every version less enjoyable than the original. In fact, most people forgot just how great she was after Jennifer Hudson took over. So although I was happy to see her on the American Idol stage, it was a little ridiculous to watch Jessica Sanchez try to keep up. Sanchez should have maintained her own style, but she instead copied all of Holiday’s over-the-top mannerisms that made Holiday famous. Watch below.