THE DISHMASTER

Is nothing sacred anymore? On tonight’s finale of American Idol, Ace Young proposed to his long-time girlfriend Diana DeGarmo, and I smell a rat. I’m no rocket scientist, but when a man drops jeweler’s name on national television while proposing, it screams canned. Plus, she’s not the best actress. Watch below.

Winner Announced, p6 ~ American Idol 2012 by HumanSlinky

They should just hand the title to Phillip Phillips. He’s not just the best singer in the competition, he’s the best performer. To be fair, “Fat Bottomed Girls” is one of my favorite songs in history. In fact, every time I feel bad about my gigantic ass, I sing it to myself as a pep-talk. But this isn’t about me — it’s about Phillip. He’s authentic, and that’s most important. Watch below.

Phillip Phillips 1st song, Top 6 ~ American Idol… by HumanSlinky

Elise Testone sang “I want it all” as if her life depended on it. She hasn’t been my favorite, but it’s never too late to change my mind. She’s a contender. Watch below.

Elise Testone 1st song, Top 6 ~ American Idol 2012 by HumanSlinky

“I’m sending my rehearsal tape to ‘X Factor.’ I could be the next Steve Jones. Not as handsome but just as good. Literally!” The always funny ‘American Idol’ producer, Nigel Lythgoe, on having to fill in for the very ill Ryan Seacrest during American Idol dress rehearsals, and the possibility that he has a future as a host.
 
 

I had the pleasure of attending a live taping of The Voice tonight, and it’s now unequivocally clear that this show won’t survive without a major overhaul. Though it has an intriguing gimmick, there’s some glaring issues that need to be addressed. First, there’s absolutely no emotional connection with the contestants. Sure American Idol gets attacked for pulling on America’s heartstrings with cheesy video packages, but those packages serve an important purpose. They make you root for a contestant, and you become invested in that contestant’s success. With The Voice, I found myself struggling to remember the contestants for anything other than what they wore on a previous show. Second, the judges are choosing people based on who is most similar to their own style. For example, Christina Aguilera predictably chose Ashley De La Rosa, because Ashley’s performance is the most similar to the way Christina performs. She’s not an inside A&R person like Simon Cowell, and if she was, she’d know right away that Moses has more potential for a sustainable career in the industry. And lastly, whoever styles the contestants needs to make some serious changes. These kids don’t look like stars. And they should. Don’t believe my criticism? Then just look to the Season 1 winner, Javier Colon, who has yet to hit it big. If they can’t make their winner a star, then they lose all credibility.

I started watching this season of American Idol very late in the game, and it became immediately clear that Colton Dixon and Phillip Phillips are the front-runners. On tonight’s show, Colton Sang “Everything” by Lifehouse — and he was incredible. It’s also worth pointing out that Randy Jackson gave his first valuable comment since the show began, saying, “One of the most important things an artist can have is believability.” He’s right. It doesn’t matter what note you can hit, it matters if you’re authentic. And Colton Dixon is authentic.

Colton Dixon – Everything – American Idol 2012… by IdolxMuzic

Colton Dixon is the only contestant on American Idol worth talking about. He gave Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” a unique twist, and he managed to circumvent the Karaoke-driven performances of the other contestants. Watch below.

Here at The Dishmaster, I try to abide by the long-standing principle, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” But today I will make an exception for Mr. Phillip Phillips, who quite possibly made the worst move in American Idol history. Allow me to explain. After Phillip Phillips’ performance, the judges commented on his grey-on-grey attire. Steven Tyler attempted to help him out by generously giving him his own scarf. So what did Phillips do with this valued possession? He threw it back into the audience to a group of screaming chicks! Excuse me!??? Doesn’t your father own a pawn shop!!!! The scarf belonged to Steven Tyler! He’s only one of the biggest legends in the history of music. He should have sold it and pocketed the money!! Who knows how long this American Idol fame will last?

Adam Levine appeared on Howard Stern today and Stern asked him about Randy Jackson’s recent comments that The Voice is a “second chance show.” Levine responded with a very brutal attack, which was couched in a nice tone. He said, “Randy Jackson of all people should get it considering ‘American Idol’ was his second chance.” Ouch! Who knew Adam Levine could fight to the death.

Either American Idol is depriving their contestants of oxygen, or the producers have a knack for choosing very dramatic people. Can someone please explain why every contestant seems mentally unstable? If you can’t hold it together during this phase of the competition, how exactly do you plan to be a star? One contestant actually left the rehearsal to call his mother from a hotel, and the conversation included at least fifty “I love yous.” Perhaps the contestants aren’t eating? Maybe the room is excessively hot? But if that’s true, then why do the judges look perfectly healthy? And did I mention that Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler, and Randy Jackson have the worst taste in the history of the show? These singers are horrific.