THE DISHMASTER

Not a day goes by where I don’t appreciate living in Los Angeles. My most recent appreciation is sparked by my night at The Groundlings to see The Crazy Uncle Joe Show, a long-form improv-comedy show that is based on suggestions from the crowd. Though every cast member of The Groundlings is astoundingly talented, Jim Rash stole the show tonight. If you don’t know Rash, aside from an Oscar winning resume, he’s the guy who made fun of Angelina Jolie’s ridiculous leg-pose at the Academy Awards by sticking out his own leg on stage. I didn’t realize at the time that his sharp decision to poke fun at Jolie isn’t surprising given his stint at The Groundlings, which involves a million sharp comedic choices in the span of an hour. It’s no wonder that Saturday Night Live has so many cast members from The Groundlings. These guys are incredible.

“Left leg and I talked — everything’s cool. Next Oscars, she gets the slit.” Angelina Jolie’s right leg, on the media madness surrounding Angelina Jolie’s slit (which included the hilarious @AngiesRightLeg twitter account) and the subsequent jealously from Jolie’s left leg.

The verdict is in, and Jim Rash had the best joke at the Oscars. While accepting the award for Best Adapted Screenplay for his work on The Descendants, Rash imitated Angelina Jolie’s moderately ridiculous pose by over-extending his own leg. Seriously though — even Jennifer Lopez’s green Versace dress didn’t draw this much attention — and it’s not because Jolie’s dress was risqué. It’s because it looked as though Jolie deliberately stuck her leg out of the dress for shock value. It didn’t work. Watch the video below.

 

Oh Brad — you have such a way of making yourself into the victim. As part of his cleanup tour, Pitt address the Parade-Magazine-Interview controversy, saying, “I think it’s a shame that I can’t say something nice about Angie without Jen being drug in.” The only snag? Brad Pitt — not the media — is solely responsible for Jennifer Aniston’s name re-surging in their love-triangle mess. And furthermore, if he’s upset that Aniston is getting mentioned, then don’t mention her — regardless of the context. Did I mention that he and Angelina Jolie have a history of taking insensitive, inappropriate actions in the media? If I left my husband for another man — I might be a little nicer. Below are examples of their insensitivity. Enjoy.

• “Because of the film, we ended up being brought together to do all these crazy things, and I think we found this strange friendship and partnership that kind of just suddenly happened. I think a few months in I realized, ‘God, I can’t wait to get to work.’” Angelina Jolie on developing feelings for Brad Pitt while they worked on set together. Celebitchy
• ‘Not a lot of people get to see a movie where their parents fell in love.’ Brad Pitt on whether his children would see Mr. and Mrs. Smith, a movie he shot while still married to Jennifer Aniston. Daily Mail
• Shortly after leaving Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie posed for W Magazine as a faux family to promote Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Of Pitt’s decision to engage in the shoot, Jennifer Aniston famously said that he was missing a “sensitivity chip.”
• Before their romance was confirmed, Pitt and Jolie took a secret trip to Africa and were busted by the tabloids. Apparently, he didn’t tell Aniston about the trip, and when she saw the photos, she said, “the world was shocked and I was shocked.”

There’s a lot of hot-chick competition between Brooklyn Decker and Jennifer Aniston in their new film, Just Go With It, and the blogosphere seems to prefer Brooklyn Decker.  Though I’m sure Jennifer Aniston is thrilled to be compared to any woman besides Angelina Jolie, I have to confess that I think Jennifer Aniston’s hotness factor reigns supreme.  In fact, there’s no competition.  Perhaps I’m just jealous of Brooklyn’s gigantic boobs, though.  Nah — I want Aniston’s body  . . . and hair (actually, my hair is awesome — I’ll just take the body).

How dare she!  In a recent interview, Jennifer Aniston revealed that she hated her famous haircut from Friends, calling it the “ugliest haircut she’s ever seen.”  In truth, this is actually pretty funny.  I’ve always said that Jennifer Aniston would make a great dinner date, because that whole good girl persona is just an act.  Can you imagine what she’d say about you know who if she had a couple of drinks?  As an aside, I’d like to note that I have tried for years to duplicate the Rachel haircut, and no hair dresser has been able to achieve it.  So thanks to Jennifer Aniston for saving me some time.  The Rachel requests are officially over!

There are two certainties in life: 1) Ricky Gervais is damn funny, and 2) Angelina Jolie has no sense of humor.  I really want to like her, and I promise I’ve made a serious effort to change my opinion over the years.  But when the cameras cut to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, and only Pitt is laughing, I can’t help but wonder what Angelina’s problem is.  The only explanation is that Gervais ragged on her film, The Tourist, but that certainly doesn’t explain why her costar, Johnny Depp, was also seen laughing.  Is Depp just a better sport?  Here’s my advice to the actors that get made fun of — if you don’t think it’s funny, then use your acting skills to laugh anyways, otherwise the viewing public just sees you as a humorless curmudgeon.

UPDATE: Angelina Jolie can laugh after all. Click here

Want to know how to get your irrelevant name back in the press? Insult an A-lister, of course.  Joan Collins told the Daily Mail that while Jennifer Aniston is “cute,” she’s certainly no Ava Gardner or Lana Turner.  She also cited Angelina Jolie as the only beautiful actress of today’s generation.  First of all, I’d like to see the interviewer’s question to prove that Collins gratuitously insulted Aniston to get attention in the media.  I would like to also point out that many of the stars that Collins mentioned were deliberately glammed up beyond recognition because that was the style of the time.  Strip off their makeup and slap them in a pair of jeans, and I doubt you’d be singing the same tune.  Second, Jennifer Aniston is damn beautiful.  I won’t compare her beauty to that of Angelina, because their celebrity triangle needs to die — I’m sick of it.  Third, lay-off Jennifer Aniston.  Hasn’t the girl been abused enough in the press?

UPDATE: Jennifer Aniston’s camp responded to this by saying there is “no need to engage with this nonsense.”

I just learned that Disney is toying with the idea of revamping ‘Sleeping Beauty,’ with the wicked fairy godmother as the star, instead of sleeping beauty.  Linda Woolverton, the writer for ‘The Lion King’ and ‘Beauty and the Beast,’ is working on the screenplay.  Disney is also rumored to be courting Tim Burton.  I will definitely get behind this idea if Tim Burton is not involved.  Am I the only person that thinks everyone one of his films is exactly the same.  Let me guess, Burton will sign Johnny Depp to play a character with a weird hat on, and make the film very dark and gloomy.  I do fully support the idea of Jolie as the godmother though.