THE DISHMASTER

Jon Stewart’s hit it out of the park with his segment, “Holy Shit, You Got Some Huge, Hairy Motherfu*king Balls on You.” My favorite subject of the segment was Barbara Walters’ interview with Herman Cain, when Cain told Walters that he’d like a Cabinet position in the Department of Defense, and Walters replied with, “What!” Stewart quickly pointed out that Walters didn’t even react that way while interviewing the Syrian dictator, Bashar al-Assad. Watch below.

It’s no secret that I love Barbara Walters, but her Kardashian tirade on David Letterman while promoting her 10 Most Fascinating People special made my Barbara-Walters-love-bubble nearly explode. Walters’ anger resulted from her well-known standard that the participants in her interviews refrain from making big announcements prior to the air-date, because the interviews are filmed well in advance and any big life-changes will make Walters look as if she forgot to ask the relevant questions. There’s simply no excuse for Kourtney Kardashian’s pregnancy announcement prior to the interview being aired. It’s just rude. How dare these Kardashians disrespect Queen Walters.

Barbara Walters is the best interviewer in history. Her questions are short, poignant, and cutting. Her interview with Syrian President Bashar al-Assad is no exception. He clearly respects her, yet he makes no apology for his country’s brutality. In fact, he denies that he authorized it, and he denies whether it happened at all, despite a plethora of evidence otherwise. Watch below.

If you read The Dishmaster regularly, then you know my two biggest idols are Howard Stern and Barbara Walters. In the clip below, you’ll understand my love for Walters, who unveiled her ’10 Most Fascinating People’ on ‘The View’, which resulted in a backlash from her fellow co-hosts. My favorite line of the clip comes from Walters, when she says, “Why do I do this show, I could have a happy life on ABC News.” Watch below.

How dare the ladies of ‘The View’ insult Barbara Walters’ question-asking. She’s a genius — so when she asked whether Justin Bieber is a virgin, I thought: “That’s Brilliant!!! I want to know too! Why didn’t I think of that?!” Too bad she was shot down by her co-hosts. Watch below.

It’s great to see Mariah Carey back to her normal self in an interview. She’s usually slightly nuts, and only Barbara Walters can bring out the Mariah we loved at the beginning of her career. She finally unveiled her adorable twins, and though they seem incredibly cute, I get the strange feeling that there’s some marital animosity going on. For example, when Walters asked Mariah if she trusts Cannon, Mariah responds with, “sometimes.” Watch below.

I appreciate Robert Downey Jr.’s plea for the world to forgive Mel Gibson, and I have always loved Robert Downey Jr., despite his issues. But there’s a major difference between Downey and Gibson’s life-troubles. Robert Downey Jr. was a drug addict. Everyone rooted for him to overcome his addiction, and the public welcomed him back when they felt he recovered. But Gibson’s problems far exceed addiction (though alcohol was clearly involved). America thinks that Mel Gibson is a bigoted wife-beater. The only way to recover from that is to convince the public that he’s changed, and that he deserves a second chance. But Mel Gibson has done nothing to warrant that belief. Does he hate Jews? Is he racist? Did he beat his girlfriend that night? Everyone knows his father is a holocaust denier, yet Gibson never publicly addressed it. When Diane Sawyer asked him to comment, he defensively suggested that the interview was about him and not his father. That’s just not good enough. Unless he’s honest and he can prove that he doesn’t have hate in his heart, he will be forever banned from the industry — whether Robert Downey Jr. likes it or not. My suggestion for Gibson is that he sit-down with Barbara Walters, who is not only a genius at resurrecting careers through tearful truths, but who is also Jewish. It’s a win-win if he’s willing.

My apologies to Lisa Ling for the title of this post, but I couldn’t resist. She appeared on ‘The View’ to promote her ‘Our America’ series on Oprah’s OWN network, and the first episode is about amateur porn. When Barbara Walters asked her to discuss the downside, Ling struggled and said that the couple involved can now spend more time with their child because they no longer have to work a full time job. Wow! Perhaps I should quit this time-consuming blog and change careers. Hats off to Lisa Ling for bringing attention to an attention-starved industry. Watch below.

‘Toddlers & Tiaras’ isn’t “controversial” — it’s objectively immoral. It’s not okay to sexualize young children, and it’s certainly not okay for a network to profit from a parent’s disgusting choices. In the clip below, you’ll see a four year old named Maddy Jackson appearing as Dolly Parton, which includes wearing fake breasts and a fake butt. The stir surrounding the show was recently discussed on ‘The View,’ when Eden Wood performed a song, and the show’s viewers erupted in fury. At the time, Barbara Walters argued that no one complained when Shirley Temple did it, at which point Joy Behar rightly pointed out that Shirley Temple was never sexualized. She never waved her ass around while wearing fake boobs. At some point, a network must take responsibility for where they churn profits, and this show needs to end. Everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves for ignoring the moral high-ground in favor of ratings. These are children.

When I first watched ‘The Talk,’ I knew almost immediately that the show would not survive with its panel of hosts. The women didn’t gel, and the only person that I thought had true talent was Julie Chen, who, similar to Barbara Walters’ role on ‘The View,’ is a real journalist (though there is only one Babs). So it’s no surprise that three of the original hosts have been given the axe. This includes: Leah Remini, Holly Robinson Peete, and Marissa Jaret Winokur. Leah Remini recently admitted to the firing (or “not having her option picked up” as it goes in Hollywood), which I appreciate. There’s no need to develop some elaborate excuse about not wanting to return (hear that Megan Fox?). Though I feel bad for them, this was a good decision on CBS’ part. First, Remini wasn’t funny. She’s an actress not a comedian. Unlike Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, and Sherri Shepherd, Remini not only lacks the timing necessary to navigate those segments, but she also is the rare breed of annoying, which includes thinking you’re funny when you’re not (at least Julie Chen never attempted jokes). As for Holly Robinson Peete, she just wasn’t particularly interesting or funny. I hate to be harsh, but I’m glad CBS got their act together. There are rumors swirling that Kris Jenner might be the new co-host, which is actually a good idea. Despite my love/hate relationship with the Kardashians, they are relevant — like it or not.