Emily Maynard Debuts as The Bachelorette — Thought Brad Womack Would Appear

Everyone knows that when you’re not fully over a boy, you still hope that no matter how many phone calls and text messages you ignore, he’ll show up at your door holding a stereo over his head while blasting Peter Gabriel music. But they just don’t make Lloyd Dobler the way they used to. So when I read Emily Maynard’s recap of The Bachelorette and realized that she thought it might be Brad Womack in the helicopter, it occurred to me that she’s not fully over him. Sure she said she was “relieved” when she saw it wasn’t him — but us chicks will say anything to convince the world of our own denial.

The Bachelor Producers Are Blood Sucking Maggots

If you’re not watching The Bachelor this season, allow me to explain the title of this post. There’s a girl on the show whose fiance died in an airplane crash just days before she found out she was pregnant. Her fiance was a NASCAR driver, and on next week’s episode, Brad Womack takes her to a race track. Can you guess why? Well, because the producers want good television, and they know that if they capitalize on this poor girl’s back-story, she’ll probably cry for the entire date.  And tears are ratings gold! It isn’t shocking that the producers would pull such a trick, especially considering the many former cast members that have complained. When Jerry O’Connell’s brother (Charlie O’Connell) was on the show, the producers tried to get his parents drunk and kept yelling at them for being “boring.” Chris Harrison has consistently defended the producers of his cash-cow-show, and this date is no exception.  When asked about it, he said it was “therapeutic.” Yeah, I’m sure that’s why you guys did it . . . for therapy.

Is The Bachelor’s Brad Womack Too Hard on Himself?

Brad Womack is my favorite bachelor in the history of the show.  Why? Because he’s the only guy with the guts to say the much hated phrase: “I’m just not that into you.”  Sure, it was a disappointing ending for a show that’s all about “love,” but he did those women a favor.  So when he returned to the show, I thought the decision was genius on the part of the producers.  Why not give the guy a second chance?  What’s so wrong with not finding a wife in a group of 30 women?  There’s about a 100 single men at every bar I attend and I have yet to find a potential suitor.  So is he really a villain?  If you ask Brad Womack, he’d probably say yes.  The guy waxed-on about his commitment phobia, confessed his “intensive therapy,” and even met with Deanna Pappas and Jenni Croft to apologize for the ending.  Deanna still seemed pissed, though I get the feeling she generally comes off that way on television, because if you read her tweets you’ll see that she’s newly engaged and never been happier. Everyone’s fine except for Brad, who presumably lived in a cave for the last three years doing self-analysis. So lighten up, Brad. And ease-up on the guy, America.

Brad Womack is the Next Bachelor — GENIUS!

Just when I got comfortable thinking that Hollywood executives have pea-sized brains, they surprise me.  Reality Steve is reporting that my favorite Bachelor in history, Brad Womack, is returning to the franchise, after not finding love the first time around.  The original time he appeared on the show, he rejected both Deanna Pappas (on the right) and Jennie Croft, in the end.  He received a ton of shit for doing so, and I defended his decision, thinking the man was either a homosexual, or a realist.  Instead of picking someone to appease ABC, he stood firm, and told both women that if he wasn’t in love with either, it wouldn’t be fair to choose one, with an unrealistic hope that he would fall in love eventually.  I suppose he figured that if a helicopter over the ocean wouldn’t make him fall in love, nothing would. This news is especially surprising considering Chris Lambton was the front-runner.  Personally, I thought Chris was a terrible idea — given that his mother died so recently, and he had trouble keeping it together.  So good job, ABC.