THE DISHMASTER

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Bret Michaels Archive

Monday

4

March 2013

2

COMMENTS

Celebrity Apprentice Debuts — Bret Michaels Fired — Trump is Nuts

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Only Donald Trump would score one his greatest All-Stars of all time and then fire him to prove a point. It’s astounding, especially considering that it’s a bad ratings move. When I first saw that Trump had an all-star cast, I naturally assumed I’d see the return of Piers Morgan, John Rich, and Joan Rivers. Instead, he landed most of his losers and insulted the only guy with drawing power. Furthermore, when an entire task is predicated on a celebrity’s fundraising Rolodex, it makes for boring television. Most of the donating stars don’t show up on television, and the show becomes a waiting game for the final money-count. What made Bret Michaels a badass wasn’t his ability to garner money, it was his intelligence and creative choices on each task. To deprive me of watching him at his best is infuriating. Watch the new-season trailer below.

Friday

25

March 2011

2

COMMENTS

Bret Michaels Sues Tonys and CBS for Head Injury — Dumb Move?

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There’s an unwritten rule in Hollywood that you don’t sue the the big dogs, because the amount of money you’ll win from your suit won’t equal the amount of money you’ll lose from “never working in this town again.”  If you’ve ever attended a private high school, then you might understand the Hollywood clicks and connections.  That’s why I was shocked to read that Bret Michaels sued CBS and the Tonys for the injury that occurred during the 2009 Oscars.  I imagine that the actual cause of action is negligence, because Michaels argues that he wasn’t properly instructed how to exit the stage to avoid the set falling on his head.  He claims that the head injury ultimately resulted in his brain hemorrhage six month later.  Though he could probably win for the head injury that occurred during the show, I doubt he’d win for the subsequent brain hemorrhage.  To win, Michaels has the hefty task of proving that, if not for the set falling on his head, he would not have suffered the brain hemorrhage, which is virtually impossible.  There’s no definitive way of identifying what caused the hemorrhage.  This suit is therefore not worth burning Hollywood bridges.  At the very least, you probably won’t see Michaels at the Tonys again, or on any CBS show.  That’s a big bridge to burn.  As an aside, thank goodness for this law school thing.  Without it, I wouldn’t be able to properly analyze the consequences of having a Rock of Ages set fall on your head.  Isn’t education wonderful?  Watch Bret get flattened by the set below.

Friday

22

October 2010

0

COMMENTS

Why I’m Not Watching This Season’s Apprentice

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I confess that I’m an avid fan of competition television.  I love Project Runway, and I’ve always looked forward to The Apprentice.  When The Apprentice started to cast celebrities, I was first opposed to the idea, and then I started to watch it and immediately got hooked.  I love seeing whether celebrities are actually capable of executing intelligent business decisions.  The greatest surprise in the history of the show was Bret Michaels.  Had you asked me what I thought of him prior to The Apprentice, I would have said he is “dumb as rocks” (Rock of Love pun intended).  Then I saw him on Celebrity Apprentice, and he blew me out of the water (no Rock of Love pun intended).  So when Trump announced that they would return to the original format of the show, and cast “regular people,” I was very disappointed.  Last night, I tried to watch this season, and I turned it off twenty minutes in.  I will attempt to explain my reason by using an analogy.  Say you love ordering lasagna at Italian restaurants.  Then, after years of ordering lasagna, you come to my house for dinner, eat my mother’s lasagna, and realize that you’ve been eating terrible lasagna your whole life.  Once you’ve tasted gourmet, it’s over.  Make sense?  Why do I want to watch a bunch of nobodies taking themselves so damn seriously?  At least when it’s ridiculous Hollywood types, I can justify it by saying they’ve been pampered for the last 15 years and can’t adjust to being bossed around.  Alright, please feel free to use that genius analogy elsewhere — I won’t copyright it.

Monday

27

September 2010

0

COMMENTS

Bret Michaels Naked Billboard Cover — I’m Disturbed

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I’ve been in Bret Michaels’ corner since his Rock of Love days, where I overlooked his STD-filled bachelor pad, because the show was so darn entertaining. I even turned a blind eye to his ridiculous hair extensions. But this Billboard Magazine cover has officially crossed the line. He’s completely naked, and covered in some kind of goo. He also looks manorexic. Perhaps I should take back all my female-driven attacks about gratuitously posing naked. Apparently, men can do it too. To see the cover in question, click the link below.

Bret Michaels Covered in Goo

UPDATE: Billboard released the un-airbrushed version of the cover to prove that Bret’s abs are real.  Click here to see it.

Friday

21

May 2010

2

COMMENTS

Hollywood Truth or Myth: Does Bret Michaels Have Fake Hair?

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With the slew of Bret Michaels news recently, there is one question that I keep getting asked: does Bret Michaels wear a wig?  The answer?  His hair is both real and fake.  Though what you see is most of his real hair, he has extensions also.  Micheals once said in an interview to promote ‘Rock of Love,’ that he has “the best hair extensions money can buy.”  I have no idea what the percentages are, but I imagine that his natural hair is pretty thin.  I think he’s stuck with these extensions for life though, given that we all like to think of him during the days of ‘Poison’ with his long fluffly locks. 

Friday

21

May 2010

0

COMMENTS

Thursday

20

May 2010

0

COMMENTS

Tuesday

18

May 2010

2

COMMENTS

Bret Michaels on Oprah – Watch a Clip

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Bret Michaels gave Oprah his first interview since his brain hemorrhage.  This brain hemorrhage horror reminds me of Cuba Gooding Jr.’s character in Jerry Maguire when he got the football injury.  Michaels was famous enough for the entire world to root for him, and now that he’s okay, this will catapult him into super-stardom.  Trump is already milking this for all it’s worth, with various press announcements about Bret’s attendance on the live ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ finale.  I think it’s fair to say that Bret will win.  Watch the Oprah clip below.