THE DISHMASTER

Kurt has a new mentor. Can you guess who it is?

Photo Courtesy of Ryan Murphy

I always find it interesting when an artist insults a television show’s rendition of their song, especially when the artist likely gave consent. In the case of Gotye, Glee covered his very famous song, “Somebody I Used to Know,” and Gotye wasn’t pleased, saying, “They did such a faithful arrangement of the instrumentals but the vocals were that pop Glee style, ultra-dry, sounded pretty tuned and the rock has no real sense, like it’s playing to you from a cardboard box.” Though I agree the performance was overly theatrical, I still think it’s in poor taste to publicly disparage their effort. Watch below to see the performance in question.

It never ceases to amaze me how threatened “straight” men are by gay people. The only explanation I have is that these straight men feel tempted by other men. After all, if you’re trying to lose weight, don’t you remove the M&Ms from your pantry? One such man who needs an M&M cleansing is Bill O’Reilly, who actually took the time on his very important show to discuss some very important opinions about Glee, saying that the show encourages same-sex experimentation. Watch below.

When actors get a hit television series they always want out of their contract. The offers start to pour in, and their egos take over. But because studios have them under five to seven year contracts, they have one of three choices: Politely ask to be released from their contract; cause a media frenzy and get fired by the studio (see Katherine Heigl); or wait it out until the show runs its course. Matthew Morrison might be opting for option two. He recently told The Mirror that he feels “trapped” on the show, and despite “having a really good lawyer” he “cannot get out of it.” He also said the show has caused him to turn down movie roles. I have a few things to say about this. First, getting a hit television show is the holy-fu*king-grail in the entertainment business. If you knew how many shows die each season, you’d be shocked. He should therefore get down on his knees and thank God for his luck. Second, studios and networks are very kind to their actors, and they more often than not allow them to render services on movies, provided it doesn’t interfere with their shooting schedule. And lastly, I sure hope Matthew Morrison is saving his money (see Katherine Heigl again).

These Glee kids annoy me. They have a hit television show, get paid a lot of money, and still want to undress for magazine covers. Do they hope to get a hall pass out of television detention by taking their clothes off? If that’s the case, I’m certain they’re asking for a social shunning. I should give Naya Rivera the benefit of the doubt. That FHM cover-photo must have been intended for her boyfriend and not the entire world. Perhaps she’s a phone-hacking victim? That has to be the only explanation for such a poor choice. And in case my readers are wondering — yes — I’m a judgmental prude.

When I first listened to Rebecca Black’s much buzzed about song, ‘Friday, I was extremely confused. “This song is abominable,” I thought. So you can imagine my horror when I heard that ‘Glee’ would cover the song. I watched the episode, and as it turns out, the song isn’t so bad after all. It just goes to show you — get the right machine behind a song, and you can transform it. Listen below.
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Perhaps it’s because I’m feeling extra emotional lately, but Glee’s most recent episode pulled on my heartstrings. The show’s theme was Lady Gaga’s song, Born This Way, and the story began with Rachel Berry (Lea Michele) wanting a nose job. In real life, Lea Michele has been very vocal about her opposition to changing her nose, and I’ve called her my personal hero because of it. I figure us big-schnozed Jews have to stick together, and it certainly helps when one of those schnozes is famous. Watch a clip from the show below to see Lea Michele and Dianna Agron sing a mash-up of Pretty/Unpretty.

If you watch Glee, then you know about Heather Morris. She was hired by Ryan Murphy to teach the cast the choreography for Beyonce’s Single Ladies video, and Murphy was so impressed by her, he hired her as a series regular for the show. If you watch closely during Glee’s dance routines, you’ll notice how Heather Morris outshines the rest of the cast, which was certainly most clear during the Britney tribute week. In the video below, Heather Morris rocks out to some different songs, and her body is hypnotizing. I realize the hypocrisy of this post, given that I often insult the Glee kids for inappropriately sexualizing their images. I’ve made an exception for Heather Morris though. When you’re that good, general rules don’t apply.

I’ve said this many times on The Dishmaster before, but once you’re on a hit show like Glee, you have to not only create a celebrity mystique, but you must also watch your brand, to ensure that your personal life doesn’t conflict with your character.  That brings me to Amber Riley, who covered Adele’s Someone Like You on her webcam.  Though I think she has a great voice, I’m fundamentally against this on principle.  You’re on an expensive network television show, and your broadcasting a song on your personal webcam inside your apartment.  It looks unprofessional and cheap — and you have an image to maintain.

I just watched this much talked about Grey’s Anatomy episode, and I really wanted to like it — I promise I did. Unfortunately, it simply didn’t work. The plot surrounded Dr. Callie Torres, who was near death following a car accident. In the process of trying to save her, just about every doctor breaks into song, which is loosely justified by Callie’s hallucinations. There’s a few problems with this. First, in order to justify awkwardly singing in the middle of a hospital operation, each song must take place in Callie’s presence, otherwise it’s not a hallucination, and it’s instead just a crazy doctor that should be fired for singing on the job. Second, the song choices should have been somewhat thematic. It just doesn’t make sense to sing Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol and Breathe by Anna Nalick. It felt too random, as if they picked the songs out of a very large hat. I realize that Shonda Rimes has some very talented cast members whose voice she wanted to feature in her show. But if I were advising her, I’d tell her to take a note from Ally McBeal instead of Glee, and have the actors randomly sing at a bar after work instead. It would have made much more sense that way. Watch a clip of last Thursday’s episode below.