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There’s only two singers I’ve stopped listening to solely because of their terrible personalities. If you read my blog, you could easily guess that the lucky singers are Adam Levine and John Mayer. I stopped listening to John Mayer when he began to act ridiculous in interviews, and the Jessica Simpson debacle officially put the fork in him. I banned Adam Levine for just about the same reason. I’m aware that he’s only one member of an entire band, but he’s annoying enough for me to cut off Maroon 5 as a whole. He’s in love with himself, and his new naked ad is no exception. I’ve pulled a quote for your enjoyment. Levine said, “I spend most of my life naked. In fact, I often have to be told by the people around me that it’s inappropriate to be as naked as I am. But I live in California, where it’s always warm, so why not?” First of all Adam, I also live in California, and I can assure you that I wore a very heavy jacket today because it’s too cold for nudity. Second, aren’t you secretly a dorky Jewish guy that couldn’t get laid for most of your teenage life? I don’t know for sure — but I’m guessing. Maybe I just get angry when the Jewish guys date blond chicks — because you know — us Jewish brunettes are more attractive.
SOFIA VERGARA — People often ask me who my girl crushes are, and Sofia is at the top of my list. She’s beautiful with a twist of sass. She confessed that she had trouble getting roles when she moved to the United States from Columbia, and she blamed it on her blond hair. Once she went brown, she began to book jobs, and the rest is history.
LEIGHTON MEESTER — Just to contradict myself, I’ll admit that Leighton Meester actually looks better as a blond. She died her hair for Gossip Girl, presumably because the producers already had the blond Blake Lively to play Serena, and they saw Leighton’s character as a brunette. She actually died her hair before the audition. I’m posting two pictures of her below, so that you can see the difference and judge for yourself.
JULIA ROBERTS — For much of Julia Roberts’ career I’ve wondered if she was a natural red-head or brunette. It turns out she’s neither. Her natural hair color is actually dirty blond, but she prefers to keep it brown. Personally, I’d like her to keep her red Pretty Woman hair forever, but I don’t suppose she wants to be play the same part for the rest of her life.
AUDRINA PATRIDGE — When I watched Audrina on The Hills, I noticed something strange about her appearance. She didn’t quite look right, and when my friend told me she’s a natural blond, it clicked. Like Leighton, she looks better as a blond. It’s a shame too, because I so badly wanted this post to be about how brunettes rule the world. But you can’t have everything, I guess. To see her with blond hair, click here.
ASHLEE SIMPSON — When Ashlee first broke into the business, she tried very hard to separate herself from Jessica Simpson. That included dying her hair brown, and dressing like a grunge rocker. It didn’t quite work, and she has since changed her image about 500 times. She recently went back to blond, so I’ve posted her with both hair colors. See what you think.
In closing, I’d like to confess that I took some liberties with the word “actress” in the title of this post. Please forgive me.