THE DISHMASTER

Though I’m an adamant fan of both Howard Stern and Jimmy Kimmel, I’m officially putting a public stop to their Leno bashing. In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Kimmel put a predictable hit out on Leno, saying, ”As a comedian, you can’t not have disdain for what he’s done. He totally sold out. He was a master chef who opened a Burger King.”

I certainly take shots at celebrities I dislike, but that’s mostly driven by my inside knowledge about how they treat their staff. And my inside sources tell me Leno treats his staff with the utmost respect. Additionally, if it’s true that the guy sold out, then I’d like to scream “SO WHAT” from the rooftops. He’s employed a plethora of people, and if selling his soul includes telling schmaltzy jokes publicly while maintaining his comedic integrity during his stand-up gigs, then so be it. Lastly, I will once again reiterate that I do not hold Leno accountable during the NBC/Conan debacle. Conan pushed Leno out, and Leno fought to maintain his gig. Anyone in their right mind would do the same — including Kimmel. Have some tact.

For some reason actors rarely talk about River Phoenix. There’s stories in Hollywood about very famous actors who were good friends with him, such as Johnny Depp, but no one ever mentions it. So I was happy and moved to hear Kiefer Sutherland recount what it was like to work with him on Stand By Me. Watch below.

“When you have Sofia Vergara next to you to console you… you don’t care what the heck Jimmy Kimmel said.” New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, on whether he was offended by Jimmy Kimmel’s jokes about his weight at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

Khloe Kardashian is by far my favorite Kardashian. In fact, she might be the only one I like at all. If you watched Kim Kardashian’s wedding special, then you would have seen Khloe tell Kim about her dislike for Humphries, and she even directly addressed her feelings with Humphries himself. When Kim’s marriage fell apart, Khloe somehow refrained from saying, “I told you so.” Watch Jimmy Kimmel ask Khloe about Humphries below.
 

Gotye is on his way to super stardom and it’s all because of his song, “Somebody That I Used to Know.” We can all relate to feeling as if the love of our life has become a complete stranger within an instant. Plus, Gotye made the brilliant choice of adding the girl’s perspective to his song. Watch him perform with Kimbra, who I have to give major fashion props to. She looked incredible.

Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Hope Solo skipped their Dancing With the Stars post elimination tour, and I have a feeling ABC had something to do with it. Though there’s speculation that Solo and Chmerkovskiy are “sore losers” for their absence on Jimmy Kimmel and Good Morning America, it’s likely that these post-elimination appearances were built into their contract, which means they are either in breach, or ABC decided that their sour attitude would make for bad publicity. The latter makes more sense. It’s also startling that Chmerkovskiy feels so comfortable soiling his status with ABC, especially considering his per-episode payday. Given the headache he’s caused the show, I would not be surprised if he wasn’t picked-up for next season. Here’s hoping he’s saved his money.

If you’re a fan of The Dishmaster, then you’re well aware that there are certain celebrities on The-Dishmaster-Sh*tlist. One such celebrity is Brett Ratner, who I personally know is the world’s biggest douchebag. I’d tell you how I know this information — but it would divulge my source — and real journalists know how to keep secrets. But just in case you doubt me, I’ve posted an interview with Brett Ratner on Jimmy Kimmel, where he told a disturbing story about how he and Michael Jackson threw water balloons at a homeless man — because . . . you know . . . that’s such a funny thing to do. Isn’t it great to torment the mentally ill?

External Resource: It will take a large team of people who have received human resources degrees online to get Brett Ratner to work well with other people.

I promise that this is my last post about Britney Spears’ choreography.  I’ve said it twice already, and I’m only saying it a third time in hopes that her people come across this blog and fix the issue.  I have no idea why Britney Spears cannot dance anymore.  I originally thought it was nerves, but I’m starting to think she lost her edge.  I know her album is great, and I’m still a fan.  But there is an astronomical difference in her dance quality from when she first entered the business versus now, and it’s almost bizarre.  Has she forgotten how to dance?  Her choreography is incredibly easy, and her movements still aren’t crisp.  She’s walking around the stage while occasionally moving her arms around.  I’ve always defended her lip-syncing, because it was virtually impossible to sing live while executing her dance-heavy movements, but at this point, there’s no excuse.  Either sing live while surrounded by professional dancers, or actually dance.  It’s one or the other. Watch her appearance on Jimmy Kimmel below, and then watch her vintage David Letterman appearance to see the difference.

Stern fans everywhere likely know why it’s so hilarious that he played Louie Louie on Jimmy Fallon.  For those that don’t listen to his show, aside from being ashamed of yourself, you should know that  Jimmy Kimmel threw Howard Stern a party the last time Stern visited Los Angeles, and Stern took great pride in playing Louie Louie with the other musicians at the party.  It’s apparently the only thing he can play, so it only makes sense that he’d break out his best hit for his Fallon appearance. Stern revealed during his interview that he’s only there to promote the new Sirius phone app, and he’s finished with talk show appearances altogether.  “It’s a lot of pressure to come out here, he said.  What, I gotta prove  myself to you?  I mean come on, really”  Since Jimmy Fallon is such a huge Howard Stern fan, he didn’t take offense.   I’m absolutely positive that we’ll see Stern on again, despite his retirement declaration.  His curmudgeon proclamations are always temporary.

Howard Stern spent the weekend in Los Angeles while promoting his wife’s book (‘Oh My Dog’), and Jimmy Kimmel decided to throw him a welcome party.  Kimmel appeared on Stern today to discuss the party, and it was some of Stern’s most hilarious radio yet.  My favorite detail involved an argument between John Stamos and Mark McGrath, where Stamos got angry with “musician” McGrath for his inability to play any songs for their shitty house band ensemble.  Stern insists that Stamos’ anger was unfounded, because at least everyone could play the song ‘Louie Louie’.  Stamos also gave both Kimmel and Stern shit for not inviting Don Rickles, who was peeved at both Kimmel and Stern for the oversight.  Oh yeah – Jeff Probst left in a tizzy because of Stern’s inappropriate attempt to interview him about his new girlfriend at the party.  Other celebrity guests included: Ben Stiller; Christine Taylor; Natalie Maines; Ryan Phillipe; Will Arnett; Amy Poehler; Christa Miller; Bill Lawrence; Bob Iger; Ashton Kutcher; and Demi Moore.  I’ve got to become friends with Jimmy Kimmel in time for the next Howard Stern party.  Knowing Stern though, he probably won’t return to Los Angeles for another 15 years.  Watch Beth Stern promote her book on Kimmel below.