THE DISHMASTER

Sure it’s fun to take swipes at your ex, but experience tells me that if you feel the need to take a dig, then you’re still in the ditch. Selena Gomez appeared on Letterman, who set her up for a well-timed joke when Letterman informed Selena that he made Justin Bieber cry. Selena’s response? “That makes two of us.” She also gave a Cheshire Cat smile, and said, “I’m so good,” which also leads me to believe the opposite. She’s clearly not over it, and her public put-down only served to take herself down a peg. WATCH BELOW.

Here at The Dishmaster, I make lots of predictions and then link to those posts at a later date to brag. So get ready for another one, because here goes: I predict Justin Bieber will spend himself into bankruptcy by the time he turns forty. Why? When asked about Prince William for the U.K.’s Rollercoaster magazine, Bieber commented on his hair loss, saying, “I mean, there are things to prevent that nowadays, like Propecia . . . . I don’t know why he doesn’t just get those things, those products. You just take Propecia and your hair grows back. Have you not got it over here?” Though I don’t wish him harm, he’s reeking of washed-up-child-star-syndrome. And we know how that story ends.

How dare the ladies of ‘The View’ insult Barbara Walters’ question-asking. She’s a genius — so when she asked whether Justin Bieber is a virgin, I thought: “That’s Brilliant!!! I want to know too! Why didn’t I think of that?!” Too bad she was shot down by her co-hosts. Watch below.

In case you’re wondering whether Justin Bieber will be the next MC Hammer, the video below will answer your question. He appeared on Chelsea Lately while drenched in Usher’s ego. Did those two clowns sit down and discuss how to ooze douchebag during interviews? Sure the kid is 17, but I predict a full-on waterfall mansion followed by bankruptcy. Click below to see the interview.
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In a recent interview, Miley Cyrus complained about You Tube stars, such as Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black, saying, “It should be harder to be an artist. You shouldn’t just be able to put a song on YouTube and go out on tour.” Really Miley? You don’t want musicians to have a short cut into the music business? So what about your career? Do you think having Billy Ray Cyrus as a dad perhaps helped speed up your success a bit? Would you have had scored the same high-profile Disney audition otherwise? For years, Hollywood has been an impenetrable members-only club that excludes great talent because of limited opportunity for exposure. You Tube breaks that barrier. At least those guys did it on their own, without the nepotism.

Update: Miley Cyrus insists she was misquoted and she “loves Rebecca Black.” Yeah — sure she was.

Rolling Stone was forced to release Justin Bieber’s original quote from his recent interview, after much public outrage and pressure from the Bieber camp.  The fiasco started when Rolling Stone asked Justin Bieber about his stance on abortion.  Here’s the quote with the omitted item in bold:  “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don’t know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”  First of all, I don’t even think Justin Bieber knows his stance on abortion.  Isn’t he ten years old?   Second, I think it’s completely ridiculous to ask this question at all.  Clearly they wanted media attention, and they knew that asking one of the most popular kids in America about abortion would cause the controversy necessary to get Rolling Stone some much-needed press.  And lastly, the omitted part of the quote is incredibly damaging to the magazine, as it completely changes the connotation of what he said. I’ve seen shady “journalism,” but this is completely disgusting.

Is there some sort of journalism school that critics go to, where they teach them how to be incessantly negative, regardless of quality? Chelsea Handler hosted the Video Music Awards, and to be expected, the critics bashed her. Almost every single host for the Video Music Awards has been bashed by critics, including the great Russell Brand, who was initially slaughtered in the press, and then invited back the following year, once Mtv saw its ratings jump. Similar to Brand, Chelsea Handler’s hosting stint brought huge ratings, despite the criticism.  To prove my point, I’ve compiled a list of the arbitrarily harsh critics that insulted Handler, and pulled their very same critiques of Russell Brand.  Enjoy!

New York Times

Chelsea Handler: “And then there was the awkward plight of the night’s host, Chelsea Handler. She was among the worst in the show’s history — purposefully out-of-touch, with brief, alarming flashes of off-color racial humor.”

Russell Brand: “He was the host of last year’s MTV Video Music Awards, where he was mischievous but seemed slightly pale and lost, a potty-mouth Ziggy Stardust brought down to earth. That’s about all, though.”

Headline Planet — Brian Cantor

Chelsea Handler: “Humor was also much appreciated, given how intently host Chelsea Handler tried to murder comedy over the course of the broadcast.”

Russell Brand: “Though host Russell Brand’s opening monologue was sexually charged, it did not feature the edgy content necessary to rival last year’s controversy.”

Alan Sepinwall — Hitfix

Chelsea Handler: “It pains me to say it, but Chelsea Handler was in over her head with hosting duties. The stage was just too big for her and the audience too distant. She boringly oscillated between jokes about sleeping with rappers and jokes about partying hard, sometimes with a dash of absurdist bad behavior (like trying to steal Justin Bieber’s ‘wig’).”

Russell Brand: “Perhaps it was the fervor and speed at which every joke needed to be delivered, but Russell Brand’s humor seemed to fall flat left and right.”

Nekesa Mumbi Moody– Associated Press

Chelsea Handler: “Host Chelsea Handler gave the show its traditional bawdiness, though her jokes often fell flat.”

Russell Brand: “There were a few more laughs during comedian Russell Brand’s opening monologue, but the celeb audience seemed more nervous than amused, as the frenetic Brit took aim at Madonna, the virginity of teen sensations the Jonas Brothers and President Bush, whom he called “a retarded cowboy fellow.”