It's Not Gossip, It's Commentary
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At what point will the Kardashians realize they have crossed the fame-whore line? Do they even understand their own “reality” at this point? As part of Kris Jenner’s book promotion, she disclosed having cheated on her late husband, Robert Kardashian. Of the affair, Jenner said, “his name was Ryan, and he was a producer. We had wild sex everywhere, all the time.” Wow — it sounds like she really regrets it. If Robert Kardashian were alive, I imagine he wouldn’t be pleased with such a public revelation of a painful time. And since her children are alive to see this morally-inept behavior, I wonder if they’re okay with their mother publicly admitting to having cheated on their father. I understand that when you write a book about your life, honesty is important. That being said, something tells me that when Kris Jenner sat down with her publisher, the conversation went something like this: “Hey, Kris. What juicy gossip can you disclose to sell more books?” “Oh! I cheated on my ex-husband! Isn’t that wonderful!? We have something great to write about!”
I love mindless television, and I love to point my finger and laugh at the superficial madness of Los Angeles. Having said that, I’ve had enough of the Kardashians. Kris Jenner has officially put me over the edge. On the new season of Keeping up With the Kardashians, she decides to get a face-lift in preparation for Kim’s wedding. So what’s my issues? It’s ridiculous! First, she doesn’t need one. Second, when you look at her old face, it actually has character, which is more than I can say for her new face. Furthermore, I’m fundamentally against all plastic surgery. That proclamation quite obviously excludes getting the fat sucked out of one’s neck — because that’s clearly necessary. Other than the double-chin-fat-suckage, I declare that all human beings look better with age. It’s better than looking like a plastic alien.
I just watched two episodes of ‘Gene Simmon’s Family Jewel’s’ (yes, you should feel sorry for me), and it’s safe to say it’s even faker than ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians.’ When I saw Shannon’s outburst on Joy Behar, I was convinced that they were actually having relationship issues. I must embarrassingly revoke my claim. Joaquin Phoenix once pretended to have a public meltdown, and he told Letterman he was trying to prove how easy it is to dupe people, because it’s shocking how easily people believe these reality shows, especially since reality stars are such terrible actors. The Simmons family is no exception. At one point Gene’s son confronts him about how he treated his mother, saying, “if someone hurt your mother what would you do?” It’s so histrionic that I actually looked away from the screen out of discomfort. I have to remind myself that Gene Simmons is a musician — not an actor.
My favorite part of the promo for season 6 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, is Kim Kardashian’s face during the end of the promo, which includes an open mouth while shaking her head to what I presume is a fan in the background. You’ll have to watch, because I simply cannot describe it properly. As an aside, is nothing sacred? Judging from the clip below, Kris Humphries proposed to Kim on camera. Have the Kardashians now converted some other innocent person to sell his soul for television? Watch the clip below.
If you follow the Kardashians (don’t judge me), then you know that Khloe Kardashian is constantly blaming the media for her body image issues. Judging from a recent episode of Khloe & Lamar, the media is not to blame — her mother is. Kris Jenner told Khloe that she’s ruining their QuickTrim brand by being fat. First, if my mother said that to me I’d kill her. Second, I’ve actually seen Khloe Kardashian in person and I was seriously confused. The girl is skinny. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’s skinnier than the very curvy Kim Kardashian. It’s time for her to stop blaming the media for all her image issues and start blaming her family. Further Reading: Kris Jenner Cheated on Robert Kardashian — Let the Book Sales Begin!
I’ve watched many episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and the clip below might be the only time I’ve ever seen “the real” Kim Kardashian. She’s constantly acting like a deer in the headlights, who is trying to navigate her crazy family. On the season finale of her reality show, she actually abandoned her ridiculous, soft-spoken baby voice to have a genuine conversation with her ex-boyfriend, Reggie Bush. Personally, I’m not sure it was appropriate to have the phone call aired on television, but if she chose not to air it, then she would just be adding to the list of fake episodes that she’s already filmed. Plus, Reggie Bush had to consent to having his phone call on television, which means I don’t exactly feel sorry for him. The biggest revelation in the video below, is that Reggie dumped Kim, despite her previous proclamation that it was “mutual.”
