THE DISHMASTER

For defamation cases, there’s only one way to get sued — if you lie. Sure there’s a few more elements they taught us in law school — but if I told you what they were I’d get post-law-school-PTSD and break out in hives. So when Jonathan Jaxson claimed to have it on personal authority that Kim Kardashian’s marriage was staged, I thought, “He’s gotta be telling the truth. No one is stupid enough to openly expose themselves to such an easy defamation case, right? Apparently, he was that stupid. He settled with Kardashian, and that settlement included a public apology. Might I add that Kim Kardashian has turned into quite the shark? I’m moderately impressed.

Khloe Kardashian is by far my favorite Kardashian. In fact, she might be the only one I like at all. If you watched Kim Kardashian’s wedding special, then you would have seen Khloe tell Kim about her dislike for Humphries, and she even directly addressed her feelings with Humphries himself. When Kim’s marriage fell apart, Khloe somehow refrained from saying, “I told you so.” Watch Jimmy Kimmel ask Khloe about Humphries below.
 

A small part of me (a very small part) actually feels bad for Kim Kardashian. I think she was somewhat manipulated into this marriage by the people around her, and she thought it was better to go through with it than to jump ship. The worst part is that she seemingly found comfort in choosing her career over her personal life. She’ll never meet a man that’s comfortable on a reality show, and any man that is comfortable will likely have tainted intentions. Money is great, but you can’t take it with you when you die. You can take love with you though. Watch her confess to her failed marriage below.
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I’m not posting this clip because of Kim Kardashian. I’m posting it to illustrate just how much I miss Regis Philbin. When you watch, pay close attention to how much work Kelly Ripa has to do to keep the conversation entertaining. Sure Kim Kardashian discussed her tumultuous personal life, but without the E! edit, she’s not quite so interesting to watch. Ripa is basically laying verbal brick for fourteen minutes straight.

All I can say about the most recent clip of Sunday’s Kourtney and Kim Take New York is that Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian successfully reminded me of all the reasons I hate being in relationships. Isn’t it wonderful when all the things you love about someone become the things you hate? Though they certainly set a record for the turnaround. Watch below Continue Reading

Kim Kardashian isn’t happy. Apparently, the tabloids have “tried to tarnish the motive behind [her Haiti] visit and have written completely ridiculous and untrue things.” The primary culprit in question is the National Enquirer, who claimed that she used the trip to “spend a fortune pampering herself.” Though I understand her frustration if the story is in fact false, that still doesn’t change the timing of this visit, or the transparent attempt to restore her image in the press. Most celebrities that do charity work send press releases to blogs to garner positive PR (I know this because I often get the press releases). My guess is that this visit was well-calculated. Having said that, I’m still supportive. Sometimes selfishness can still produce positive results.

There comes a point in almost every relationship when the things you loved about someone become the things you hate. Usually, that point happens after a few years together. But in Kim Kardashian’s case, it happened after a few months. The producers of Kourtney & Kim Take New York are editing Kris Humphries to look terrible, but both parties are clearly to blame. How do you marry someone without first deciding where to live? And also — who takes a bath in full makeup? Watch after the jump.
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Don’t think you can cross Kristin Cavallari and get away with it. When rumors circulated that Kristin had an affair with ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians” Scott Disick, Cavallari wasn’t pleased. Of the rumors, she said, “I just think, what convenient timing for them with their show premiering next week. With everything that’s going on for Kim, I feel like they’re trying to take the heat off her. When there’s a big story like that, they always call you and ask if you want to comment and clearly none of them denied it.” Ouch! The Kardashians wouldn’t dare do something so conniving for ratings. That would be equivalent to admitting to an affair just to sell books. And what kind of a person would do something like that?

Someone once told me that liars looks to the right when they answer a question. The best evidence of this theory is Kris Jenner’s response to Piers Morgan’s inquiry about Kim Kardashian’s short-lived marriage to Kris Humphries. Watch below.

It’s time for Kim Kardashian to cash-out of reality television. Her 72 day marriage ended after a ridiculous wedding special that clearly exposed the flaws in her relationship. There’s a clip of her crying on Bruce Jenner’s shoulder because she misses her late father, and she says, “I don’t want Kris to see me emotional because he didn’t know my dad.” Um — huh? If you can’t cry on your future husband’s shoulder — there’s a problem.

But there’s a bigger issue at play here. Why is Kim Kardashian continuing the reality television madness? Rumor has it she’s worth well over $100 million, which means she can move to an island and drink mojitos for the rest of her life. If you want that kind of fame, then don’t get married and don’t have children. No relationship can survive with cameras constantly around, and any man that’s okay with that is intrinsically flawed.

I feel sorry for Kim Kardashian. She seems like a nice enough girl that got caught up in a whirlwind that she can’t escape, and she’s sacrificed her personal life because of it. Get off the train, Kim — there’s still time. And if the rumors are true and this was an elaborate hoax meant for cash, then she might just rot in hell.

External Resource: It will take an experienced legal team, like those trained at online paralegal school, to help Kim Kardashian with her divorce.