THE DISHMASTER

My favorite part of the promo for season 6 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, is Kim Kardashian’s face during the end of the promo, which includes an open mouth while shaking her head to what I presume is a fan in the background. You’ll have to watch, because I simply cannot describe it properly.  As an aside, is nothing sacred? Judging from the clip below, Kris Humphries proposed to Kim on camera.  Have the Kardashians now converted some other innocent person to sell his soul for television? Watch the clip below.
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Far be it for me to poo all over someone else’s happiness, but is it really necessary to get a 20.5 carat engagement ring? According to the newly engaged Kim Kardashian and her fiance Kris Humphries — there’s no limit when love and wealth are involved. Can we chop that ring up into little pieces and send it to a homeless shelter somewhere? Let’s just hope she has security guards around her 24/7, because nothing says “mug me” like a gigantic and accessible diamond with a publicized worth.

According to the New York Post, Kathy Hilton was overheard telling friends at a party that Paris Hilton was the original reality television star and Kim Kardashian basically copied her entire life. I’m not sure why this is making headlines, especially since it’s already obvious. While it’s true that Kim Kardashian had some moderate notoriety as Robert Kardashian’s daughter, she only received press attention when she was photographed beside Paris Hilton at Hollywood parties. When Kim’s career took off, her friendship with Paris ended. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with following in someone’s footsteps, though. And Kim did a better job at sustaining her career than Paris. The only issue is that Kim never credited Paris with her success. Or the sex tape for that matter.

I recently went to a friend’s recording studio, where an upcoming artist was recording tracks for her new album.  I was shocked to hear her terrible voice, at which point my friend assured me that auto-tune would save the day.  When I heard the final version, I was shocked.  We’ve all heard about artists using auto-tune, but I suppose I never fully understood the extend to which it corrects a voice.  But before you start dreaming about becoming the next pop-star, I would encourage you to listen to Kim Kardashian’s new single below.  Apparently, auto-tune doesn’t work for everyone.

When Kim Kardashian posed naked for W Magazine, I, along with many other bloggers, called her a hypocrite.  She previously said she regretted her Playboy shoot, so I found it ridiculous that she would pose naked again, in an even more revealing shoot.  In the tearful video below, you’ll see that Kim actually thought the pictures would be covered with artwork, and she didn’t anticipate that her ass-crack or nipples would be shown.  If it’s true that W Magazine lied to her, I have no idea why she didn’t openly denounce the magazine at the time, given the bad press surrounding the shoot.  So is W Magazine really just a shady man that lies to a woman to get her clothes off?  The short answer is yes.  In a recent statement, the magazine called the shoot an “artistic collaboration,” which is a “meditation on the influence reality TV has on contemporary culture.”   I have no idea what that means, but I’ll try to translate.  Here goes — “W Magazine wanted to sell more issues, and there’s no better way to achieve that than to get Kim Kardashian completely naked while covered with silver body paint.  Sure she said she wanted her ass-crack covered, so we lied and said we’d do it.  Isn’t it hysterical that she fell for it?”

You have to admire the chutzpah of Tim Gunn.  The man has no fear, and the vintage interview below is no exception.  Joy Behar asked him what he thought of the Kardashian “look,” and he said that their style is “vulgar, cheap, and tawdry.”  When Behar said they are “sweet girls,” and they have appeared on her show, Gunn asked how they were dressed.  Behar said Kim looked pretty and Tim said, “she’s pretty but she’s a poser.  As soon as she moves it’s all over.”  I’m not sure what he means exactly, but it sounds pretty funny.  Does he mean that her ass is so large, he becomes distracted when she begins to walk?  I’m not sure, but I love Tim Gunn more and more every day.

Kim Kardashian and many other celebrities have shut down their twitter accounts in an effort to raise money for World Aids Day, and they promise not to return to the social networking medium until they raise one million dollars.  The stupidity of this is shocking — even for celebrities.  Doesn’t it make more sense to use your social networking platform for your cause  — instead of silencing your voice until money is raised?  I’d also like to ask if we can change the rules so that these celebrities promise to stay off twitter forever if they raise the money?  I’ll definitely donate under those parameters.  The egotism of this is also astonishing.  Does Kim Kardashian really think that people would miss her tweets so much that they would actually donate money to bring back her 140 words of wisdom?  And by the way — if the money is actually raised, please refrain from sending me I-told-you-so emails.  It won’t be raised because they abandoned twitter, it will be raised because they went on talk shows asking for donations, which only proves my point about the squeaky wheel.

Kim Kardashian is launching a credit card for teens, which gives them a small amount of credit so they learn to spend responsibly.  This might be the best celebrity business decision in history.  If there’s anything I know about my useless teenage education, it’s that those worthless teachers left the most important lesson out of their lectures — DON’T FUCK UP YOUR CREDIT!  My adult life has never involved a fraction, but it’s certainly involved buying a car.  I’m officially going to stop picking on Kim Kardashian.  Not only because she launched a credit card instead of a dumb fragrance, but also because I’ve recently been tipped off by a reliable source that she’s a very kind person.  So there you have it.  Congratulations, Kim.

I’ve watched many episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and the clip below might be the only time I’ve ever seen “the real” Kim Kardashian.  She’s constantly acting like a deer in the headlights, who is trying to navigate her crazy family.  On the season finale of her reality show, she actually abandoned her ridiculous, soft-spoken baby voice to have a genuine conversation with her ex-boyfriend, Reggie Bush.  Personally, I’m not sure it was appropriate to have the phone call aired on television, but if she chose not to air it, then she would just be adding to the list of fake episodes that she’s already filmed.  Plus, Reggie Bush had to consent to having his phone call on television, which means I don’t exactly feel sorry for him.  The biggest revelation  in the video below, is that Reggie dumped Kim, despite her previous proclamation that it was “mutual.”

There’s something very interesting about the photos from Kim Kardashian’s 30th birthday party — Perez Hilton is there.  Perez Hilton has often bashed the Kardashian sisters on his blog, once going so far as to call Khloe Kardashian an “ugly amazon.”  So does she have a forgiving heart, or is she hoping to stay close to Perez to keep her name on his website?  I surmise it’s the latter.  And the Kardashians aren’t alone.  Demi Moore once threatened to sue Perez for child pornography when he posted pictures of her young daughter’s ass on his website.  Perez then countered with a defamation threat.  You wouldn’t guess that by the twitter love between the two.  Demi posted a twit-pic of herself in a bikini, and Perez responded with a pic of himself a speedo.  Demi playfully retweeted his pic, saying, “I think I started a trend.”  Did she forgive him too?  And what about Lindsay Lohan?  Perez often attacks her on his site, yet Lohan had no problem attending his birthday bash, and getting her picture taken with him.  Nothing says forgiveness like getting your name mentioned on a high-traffic blog.