THE DISHMASTER

Khloe Kardashian is by far my favorite Kardashian. In fact, she might be the only one I like at all. If you watched Kim Kardashian’s wedding special, then you would have seen Khloe tell Kim about her dislike for Humphries, and she even directly addressed her feelings with Humphries himself. When Kim’s marriage fell apart, Khloe somehow refrained from saying, “I told you so.” Watch Jimmy Kimmel ask Khloe about Humphries below.
 

A small part of me (a very small part) actually feels bad for Kim Kardashian. I think she was somewhat manipulated into this marriage by the people around her, and she thought it was better to go through with it than to jump ship. The worst part is that she seemingly found comfort in choosing her career over her personal life. She’ll never meet a man that’s comfortable on a reality show, and any man that is comfortable will likely have tainted intentions. Money is great, but you can’t take it with you when you die. You can take love with you though. Watch her confess to her failed marriage below.
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All I can say about the most recent clip of Sunday’s Kourtney and Kim Take New York is that Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian successfully reminded me of all the reasons I hate being in relationships. Isn’t it wonderful when all the things you love about someone become the things you hate? Though they certainly set a record for the turnaround. Watch below Continue Reading

There comes a point in almost every relationship when the things you loved about someone become the things you hate. Usually, that point happens after a few years together. But in Kim Kardashian’s case, it happened after a few months. The producers of Kourtney & Kim Take New York are editing Kris Humphries to look terrible, but both parties are clearly to blame. How do you marry someone without first deciding where to live? And also — who takes a bath in full makeup? Watch after the jump.
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Someone once told me that liars looks to the right when they answer a question. The best evidence of this theory is Kris Jenner’s response to Piers Morgan’s inquiry about Kim Kardashian’s short-lived marriage to Kris Humphries. Watch below.

It’s time for Kim Kardashian to cash-out of reality television. Her 72 day marriage ended after a ridiculous wedding special that clearly exposed the flaws in her relationship. There’s a clip of her crying on Bruce Jenner’s shoulder because she misses her late father, and she says, “I don’t want Kris to see me emotional because he didn’t know my dad.” Um — huh? If you can’t cry on your future husband’s shoulder — there’s a problem.

But there’s a bigger issue at play here. Why is Kim Kardashian continuing the reality television madness? Rumor has it she’s worth well over $100 million, which means she can move to an island and drink mojitos for the rest of her life. If you want that kind of fame, then don’t get married and don’t have children. No relationship can survive with cameras constantly around, and any man that’s okay with that is intrinsically flawed.

I feel sorry for Kim Kardashian. She seems like a nice enough girl that got caught up in a whirlwind that she can’t escape, and she’s sacrificed her personal life because of it. Get off the train, Kim — there’s still time. And if the rumors are true and this was an elaborate hoax meant for cash, then she might just rot in hell.

External Resource: It will take an experienced legal team, like those trained at online paralegal school, to help Kim Kardashian with her divorce.

I don’t often fantasize about a proposal, but if ever I do — allow me to say that video cameras are not involved.  I’m not sure why the Kardashian family lacks all sense of boundaries when it comes to their personal life, but they are somehow able to recruit other boundary-less individuals to join their clan.  Kris Humphries proposed to Kim Kardashian on television, and I can only assume he’s gone to the dark side.  Sure it’s nice to have “home videos” (as the Kardashians justify it), but home videos are usually meaningful because they are filmed by other close ones, not an entire camera crew.  

At times in my life I’ve been accused of being “high maintenance.” Though I’m certainly a plant that needs constant watering, I can assure you — I am not as high maintenance as Kim Kardashian. During a trip to Bora Bora with her then boyfriend Kris Humphries, Humphries threw her in the ocean, which caused her to lose a $75,000 earring. As a result, she cried hysterically while Humphries looked puzzled. Perhaps she shouldn’t wear diamonds to the ocean? Maybe next time she’ll wear a full gown too. At least she makes her man a ton of money — that probably makes up for the headache he received later that day. As an aside, Kim’s face disturbingly doesn’t move when she cries. Too much botox?

My favorite part of the promo for season 6 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, is Kim Kardashian’s face during the end of the promo, which includes an open mouth while shaking her head to what I presume is a fan in the background. You’ll have to watch, because I simply cannot describe it properly.  As an aside, is nothing sacred? Judging from the clip below, Kris Humphries proposed to Kim on camera.  Have the Kardashians now converted some other innocent person to sell his soul for television? Watch the clip below.
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Far be it for me to poo all over someone else’s happiness, but is it really necessary to get a 20.5 carat engagement ring? According to the newly engaged Kim Kardashian and her fiance Kris Humphries — there’s no limit when love and wealth are involved. Can we chop that ring up into little pieces and send it to a homeless shelter somewhere? Let’s just hope she has security guards around her 24/7, because nothing says “mug me” like a gigantic and accessible diamond with a publicized worth.