THE DISHMASTER

Cindy Crawford rightfully decided not to whore-out her ten year old daughter to the fashion world. Though her daughter recently modeled Versace’s children’s line, Crawford said, “At this point, she’s too young to pursue a career. There aren’t even a handful of jobs for a 10-year-old girl.” This is good news. I was actually pretty disgusted by the photos from the Versace line, because no one wants to see a sexualized 10 year old. Perhaps Crawford should have a conversation with Kris Jenner.
 
 

Someone once told me that liars looks to the right when they answer a question. The best evidence of this theory is Kris Jenner’s response to Piers Morgan’s inquiry about Kim Kardashian’s short-lived marriage to Kris Humphries. Watch below.

When I first watched ‘The Talk,’ I knew almost immediately that the show would not survive with its panel of hosts. The women didn’t gel, and the only person that I thought had true talent was Julie Chen, who, similar to Barbara Walters’ role on ‘The View,’ is a real journalist (though there is only one Babs). So it’s no surprise that three of the original hosts have been given the axe. This includes: Leah Remini, Holly Robinson Peete, and Marissa Jaret Winokur. Leah Remini recently admitted to the firing (or “not having her option picked up” as it goes in Hollywood), which I appreciate. There’s no need to develop some elaborate excuse about not wanting to return (hear that Megan Fox?). Though I feel bad for them, this was a good decision on CBS’ part. First, Remini wasn’t funny. She’s an actress not a comedian. Unlike Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, and Sherri Shepherd, Remini not only lacks the timing necessary to navigate those segments, but she also is the rare breed of annoying, which includes thinking you’re funny when you’re not (at least Julie Chen never attempted jokes). As for Holly Robinson Peete, she just wasn’t particularly interesting or funny. I hate to be harsh, but I’m glad CBS got their act together. There are rumors swirling that Kris Jenner might be the new co-host, which is actually a good idea. Despite my love/hate relationship with the Kardashians, they are relevant — like it or not.

I love mindless television, and I love to point my finger and laugh at the superficial madness of Los Angeles. Having said that, I’ve had enough of the Kardashians. Kris Jenner has officially put me over the edge. On the new season of Keeping up With the Kardashians, she decides to get a face-lift in preparation for Kim’s wedding. So what’s my issues? It’s ridiculous! First, she doesn’t need one. Second, when you look at her old face, it actually has character, which is more than I can say for her new face. Furthermore, I’m fundamentally against all plastic surgery. That proclamation quite obviously excludes getting the fat sucked out of one’s neck — because that’s clearly necessary. Other than the double-chin-fat-suckage, I declare that all human beings look better with age. It’s better than looking like a plastic alien.

If you follow the Kardashians (don’t judge me), then you know that Khloe Kardashian is constantly blaming the media for her body image issues. Judging from a recent episode of Khloe & Lamar, the media is not to blame — her mother is. Kris Jenner told Khloe that she’s ruining their QuickTrim brand by being fat. First, if my mother said that to me I’d kill her. Second, I’ve actually seen Khloe Kardashian in person and I was seriously confused. The girl is skinny. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’s skinnier than the very curvy Kim Kardashian. It’s time for her to stop blaming the media for all her image issues and start blaming her family. Further Reading: Kris Jenner Cheated on Robert Kardashian — Let the Book Sales Begin!

Kendall Jenner, one of the many Kardashian sisters in the entertainment industry, models clothing, and she’s only fourteen years old.  Kris Jenner seems to think it’s fine, probably because she’s a “momager” that pockets ten percent of the proceeds.  But should prepubescent girls be modeling clothing?  It’s certainly an alternative to having anorexic adults do it.  And since the fashion industry is getting pressured to employ bigger models, they decided to employ toddlers instead.  Maybe I missed the opportunity to be on the cover of a magazine at the tender age of ten.  After all, my legs were pretty thin then.  Poor Kendall — it’s all downhill from here.