Pain & Gain — Movie Review

20130515-173258.jpgThe irony of this film is it’s about a kidnapping, and I felt kidnapped while watching it. I scoped the exit doors, made excessive trips to the restroom, and solved the mystery about how long it takes for a rasinette to melt into a raisin.

The film is based on a true story about a group of pumped-up dolts who make a fast quest for cash by kidnapping a member of their gym (Tony Shalhoub) who naively disclosed his wealth to his trainer (Mark Wahlberg). The trainer commissions his friends (The Rock, Anthony Mackie), and their idiocy makes for “comedy” when they botch the job time and time again. Call me crazy — but murder doesn’t make me laugh. Sure it had its moments, but the one-note joke about their stupidity isn’t worth a 2 hour film.

OVERALL RATING: 1.5 DISHES

Don Jeanes Interview — Transformers: Dark of the Moon

   

Photo By: Michael Rozman

When I saw the first trailer for ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon,’ I thought, “I wonder if that guy in the space-suit is hot?” Then I landed an interview with him and as it turns out — he is hot. There are days when being a blogger really pays off. Actually, I prefer to call myself an “online journalist,” but that’s neither here nor there. The hot guy in question is Don Jeanes, and he plays Neil Armstrong in one of the biggest blockbuster films in history. Jeanes grew up on a ranch in Texas, and he later moved to New York to pursue acting. After a few years in New York, he moved to Los Angeles, where, needless to say, he’s doing quite well for himself. Read my interview with the yummy actor below.

 

I think every kid fantasizes about being an astronaut. What was it like wearing the space suit?

It was really cool. Our costumes were inspired by the designs of actual NASA space suits. I couldn’t help but feel a little heroic just trying it on at the fitting. I will say though that once you put on the glass helmet it gets a little claustrophobic.

The 1984 animated Transformers film was Orson Wells’ last movie. Were you intimidated by the history of the Transformers franchise?

Yes and no. As an actor I was intimidated to play one of America’s most beloved heroes in front of such a large audience but not of the Transformers franchise; in that aspect it was an honor.

As a kid, I loved the transformers cartoon and used to watch it every morning before school. I went to see both ‘Transformers’ and ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ in the theater. I remember sitting there after ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ envisioning myself being a part of such an action thriller film.

Shia Labeouf has described Michael Bay as having an “aggressive personality.” What was your experience working with him?

From my personal experiences on set, I would say that Mr. Bay is straightforward when he is directing. I found him to be as personable as a man can be considering the millions of dollars invested in the film while orchestrating hundreds of people on set everyday. I was intrigued by his hands-on approach for each scene and his interactions with all of the actors and crew members. It was great knowing that I could have an open line of communication.

You’re starring in the Los Angeles play, ‘Jesus Hopped the “A” Train,’ this summer. I know your career began in New York. Do you favor theater or film?

That’s a hard question to answer. I really enjoy working in both mediums because they allow me to work as an actor and perform in different ways. A linear performance in front of a live audience on stage is what I love. On the other hand, I also love film because it reaches a broader audience in which I can impact more people.

I read in an interview that your cousin is a rodeo clown. For some reason I think his career might be just as entertaining as a Hollywood film. Any chance you might have stayed in Texas and gone that route?

(Laughs) Yes, there’s a slight chance that would have happened. I started riding bulls when I was fifteen with my older brother. We had only been riding for a short while when he broke his collarbone. I must admit, as a young kid, that scared me a little given that I could no longer get to the rodeos because I couldn’t even drive yet. I think if that accident hadn’t happen I might still be “Spurrin and Pickin Apples” in Texas today.

Tell the truth. Do you have a Megatron figurine from your childhood that you fight in your spare time?

(Laughs) No, but I do have a “Sonar” figurine that was given to me for my last birthday.

Did you get to steal anything from the set?

(Laughs) Does a pair of socks count? I drove my motorcycle to the set every day and one morning it was raining. My feet ended up being soaked. I ended up getting a pair from the costume department and they have been a memento ever since!

Michael Bay Confirms Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for ‘Transformers 3’

Michael Bay has officially replaced Megan Fox in ‘Transformers 3.’ He’s chosen Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley to play Shia Labeouf’s love interest in the film. Michael Bay loves to give himself credit for “discovering talent,” and I am sure this will be no exception. By “discovering talent,” I mean taking the hottest chick on the planet, putting her in his film in a very skimpy outfit, and giving her zero lines. Good job Bay. You sure know how to pick them.

Megan Fox v. Michael Bay: The Quote Showdown – A Timeline

In honor of Megan Fox’s departure from Transformers 3, I have listed all of the quotes from both Michael Bay and Megan Fox, to illustrate just how much these two hated each other.  Grab your popcorn and start reading!

Megan Fox on ‘Transformers’ in General – Entertainment Weekly Interview (June 2009):

“The humans are secondary to the robots because it’s a movie about robots… People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting. And once you realize that, it becomes almost fun because you can be in the moment and go, ‘All right, I know that when he calls Action! I’m either going to be running or screaming, or both.'”

Michael Bay Responds to Megan Fox’s Entertainment Weekly Interview – Wall Street Journal Interview (June 2009)

“Well, that’s Megan Fox for you. She says some very ridiculous things because she’s 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do. You roll your eyes when you see statements like that and think, “Okay Megan, you can do whatever you want. I got it.” But I 100% disagree with her. Nick Cage wasn’t a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in “Armageddon.” Shia LaBeouf wasn’t a big movie star before he did “Transformers”—and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from “Bad Boys.” Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in “Transformers.” I like to think that I’ve had some luck in building actors’ careers with my films.”

Megan Fox on what it’s like to work for Michael Bay – Wonderland Magazine interview (September 2009):

“God, I really wish I could go loose on this one. He’s like Napoleon and he wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he’s a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he’s not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he’s so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it’s endearing to watch him. He’s vulnerable and fragile in real life and then on set he’s a tyrant. Shia and I almost die when we make a Transformers movie. He has you do some really insane things that insurance would never let you do.”

Michael Bay’s Crew Responds to Megan Fox’s “Hitler” Comments – His Website (September 2009)

“When facing the press, Megan is the queen of talking trailer trash and posing like a porn star. And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it’s very cringe-able. So maybe, being a porn star in the future might be a good career option. But make-up beware, she has a paragraph tattooed to her backside (probably due her rotten childhood) — easily another 45 minutes in the chair!”
(Read the rest in full here)

Michael Bay Takes Down His Crew’s Nasty Letter and Posts a New Comment (September 2009):

“I don’t condone the crew letter to Megan. And I don’t condone Megan’s outlandish quotes. But her crazy quips are part of her crazy charm. The fact of the matter I still love working with her, and I know we still get along. I even expect more crazy quotes from her on Transformers 3.”

Michael Bay’s Letter to Megan Fox When he Announced the Date for Transformers 3 (October 2009):

“P.S. Megan Fox, welcome back. I promise no alien robots will harm you in any way during the production of this motion picture. Please consult your Physician when working under my direction because some side effects can occur, such as mild dizziness, intense nausea, suicidal tendencies, depression, minor chest hair growth, random internal hemorrhaging and inability to sleep. As some directors may be hazardous to your health, please consult your Doctor to determine if this is right for you”

Michael Bay Insists he Likes Megan Fox – Interview With USA Today (November 2009):

“I love her,” the man responsible for the blockbuster franchise told USA TODAY’s Andrea Mandell. “It’s just, she’s young. Everyone’s got to give her a break, she only…23? It’s just hard. I’ve traveled around the world with her and she’s just like this world symbol now, you know?”   So he brushes her diatribes under the carpet? “Absolutely,” he said. “She called me (after the Hitler comment) and goes, ‘It’s all bullsh—t, Mike.’ The press, they just like to prey, and stalk, and pounce and find a good little juicy thing. But she’s always wanted to do these crazy comments. That’s just her. She’s great.”  He also said, “She’s got a great part in Transformers 3,” and he said he’s currently working on the script. So Bay’s not planning on getting revenge by, say, killing her off? “No, no. no,” he said, dismissing it. “She gets enough of that already.”

Megan Fox on Michael Bay making her tan- Allure magazine interview (May 2010):

“I had been tanning a lot so that Michael would be happy with my skin tone. Every spare moment of sun that was outside, I had to be in it,” the 24-year-old actress lamented in Allure magazine. “It’s not going to happen again because of the damage and the possible skin cancer.”

Deadline Hollywood Reports that Megan Fox Got the Axe (yesterday):

Nikki Finke reports: “I’ve just learned that Paramount won’t be picking up Megan Fox’s option on Transformers 3 — and that it was “ultimately” director Michael Bay’s decision.”

Megan Fox Insists She Quit Transformers and Wasn’t Fired:

“It was her decision not to return. She wishes the franchise the best.”