THE DISHMASTER

When Kim Kardashian responded to Jon Hamm’s comment calling her “stupid,” I thought, “Wow. She’s not as dumb as I thought.” In an interview with Elle UK Hamm said, “Whether it’s Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a f—ing idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly.” In response, Kardashian said, “Calling someone who runs their own businesses, is a part of a successful TV show, produces, writes, designs, and creates, ‘stupid,’ is in my opinion careless. I respect Jon and I am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that not everyone takes the same path in life. We’re all working hard and we all have to respect one another.” To be fair, I never actually thought Kim Kardashian was stupid. She’s one of the only reality stars (aside from Bethenny Frankel) to launch a multi-million dollar empire, and you never see her showing her crotch while stepping out of a car (yes, my standards are low). And furthermore, we don’t seem to mind when our friends get their foot in the door because of connections, yet we point fingers at famous people who do the same. It’s not what gets your foot in the door — it’s what you do once you’re there that’s important.

Paris Hilton’s interview with ‘Good Morning America’ proves why celebrities need to hand-pick interviewers that they trust. I understand that Paris Hilton might be a faux celebrity whose fame came from her family’s empire, but so are a lot of other very respected individuals that don’t get the same level of criticism. Ever heard of Christian Slater? His mother was a Hollywood agent who gave her son a ticket into the business, and he’s been acting ever since. Sure he might be a good actor, but would you ever know his name if not for nepotism? So when Paris Hilton sits down for an interview, is it really fair for the jackass (also known as Dan Harris) asking her questions to inquire whether she’s “washed up?” It’s a rude sneak-attack, and don’t invite someone onto your network if your only intention is to embarrass and humiliate them. And furthermore, it’s extremely unfair to blast her in a voice-over, especially when she has no final approval over the segment. This brings me to my original point — only do an interview with Barbara Walters. Other than that — stay away.

You know when you go through a painful breakup and you spend most of your time bad-mouthing your ex to anyone who will listen?  Well, Paris Hilton is not in that club.  Though the press often picks on her for being famous for nothing,” I have to give her major kudos for the way she handles her breakups.  I imagine that if I was wronged on any level, I’d take great enjoyment from using the late-night circuit to bash my ex.  As a guilt-ridden Jew, though,  I’d certainly self-loathe shortly thereafter.  Hilton appeared on Lopez Tonight, and Lopez showed a disturbing fight between Hilton and her then boyfriend, Cy Waits, in which Waits’ consistent jealousy reaches a boiling point that results in Hilton slapping him in the face.  Clearly, these two were not meant to be.  But instead of lambasting him, Hilton was kind, saying, that “the relationship just ran its course.”  Who would think I’d ever call Paris Hilton classy? Watch the fight below.

For whatever reason, this blog has become very centered on Paris Hilton lately. Perhaps my brain is deteriorating. For those that don’t know, Hilton and Barbara Walters had a recent scuffle, which the press blamed on Barbara’s hard-hitting questions during their interview. Paris addressed the issue in an interview with E! below, and she handled it surprisingly well. Instead of firing back at the ladies of The View, she took the high road and said she respects Babs’ journalist skills, and the press blew the entire thing out of proportion. Who knew Paris could form actual sentences? Good job! Watch below.
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I might be the biggest fan of Paris Hilton’s new reality show. Though I picked on Paris Hilton in the first episode, I actually liked her more this time around, especially when I watched her concern over Brooke Mueller’s strange behavior. Throughout the course of the episode it becomes more and more clear that Brooke is struggling with her drug addiction, and the episode closes with a touching scene with Kathy Hilton. Watch below.
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Either Reese Witherspoon was drunk at the MTV Movie Awards, or she had someone else write her material. Her speech was great, but it certainly seemed out of character. She said “like” about fifty times, and she clearly insulted Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, saying, “it’s possible to make it in Hollywood without a reality show.” She also had a very good point about texting naked pictures, advising young girls everywhere to “hide their face.” Perhaps Blake Lively should take notes. Personally, I refrain from sending naked pictures altogether. No matter what the angle, my ass just looks to damn big. Watch Reese’s speech below.
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Paris Hilton’s new show is an absolute train wreck — and I loved every minute of it. While I usually try to keep this blog positive, I’ll make an exception for Hilton, who is such an enigma of horribleness — I can’t take my eyes off of her. In case you make the mistake of avoiding the attached episode below, I’ll give you some nutshell plot points. First, she is friends with Brooke Mueller, who I actually felt sorry for throughout the episode. Unlike Paris, Brooke might have a soul, as evidenced by her relationship with her personal assistant/best friend, who Paris hates and Brooke loves. In an attempt to squash their tension, Brooke asks her assistant to talk to Paris. Paris won’t engage, followed by a voice-over which says, “is this an episode of Gossip Girl? As if cornering me in the stairwell is going to make me like her more.” Later in the episode Paris has a fight with her boyfriend, Cy Waits, who discovered inappropriate text messages between Paris and another guy. And just when I thought her sadness over their fight provided evidence that she’s a human being, my hopes were squashed by another horrific voice-over comment, where Paris says, “[my] baby voice has always gotten me what I wanted. But I don’t know if it’s going to work this time.” Apparently, it did work. Cy forgives her just as the episode ends. Man — I sure can’t wait for next week (and no, I am not being sarcastic).
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When you watch the clip below, you’ll understand why there is not much to say about Paris Hilton’s new reality show. In short, she’s just as terrible as you might expect. But in an effort to avoid negativity on The Dishmaster, I will quote the great Howard Stern who recently discussed Paris Hilton on his show. Stern said, “She is a c*unt. She’s the worst human being on the planet. She’s not even a human. She’s just so heinous. She has no inner soul. It’s sickening. She’s a monster.” And there you have it. Watch below and judge for yourself.
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Fairly Legal star Sarah Shahi has a thing or two to learn about managing her Hollywood career. She used twitter (also known as the PR death-trap) to air her anger toward Paris Hilton, after Hilton cut her off while driving. She wrote, “Paris Hilton — worst driver ever. Almost hit me, then ran a stop sign. What if there was a kid around that corner, you dumb b-tch. Paris Hilton—horrible excuse for a human being. What an irresponsible person…what a lame existence.” First, the only reason Sarah Shahi’s name is in the paper today is because of Paris Hilton, and not Sarah Shahi, which means Shahi should probably send Hilton some flowers to thank her for Shahi’s much-needed attention. Third, if being a bad diver makes you a “horrible person,” then I’m going straight to hell. And lastly, someone is a “horrible human being” in this story, and I’m not sure it’s Paris Hilton.

According to the New York Post, Kathy Hilton was overheard telling friends at a party that Paris Hilton was the original reality television star and Kim Kardashian basically copied her entire life. I’m not sure why this is making headlines, especially since it’s already obvious. While it’s true that Kim Kardashian had some moderate notoriety as Robert Kardashian’s daughter, she only received press attention when she was photographed beside Paris Hilton at Hollywood parties. When Kim’s career took off, her friendship with Paris ended. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with following in someone’s footsteps, though. And Kim did a better job at sustaining her career than Paris. The only issue is that Kim never credited Paris with her success. Or the sex tape for that matter.