THE DISHMASTER

This group astounded me, and I hate boy bands. You can see Simon Cowell smirking during their performance at all the money he’s about to make while simultaneously patting himself on the back for being a genius. As for Marc Anthony’s disinterest, all I can say is he’s a performer and not an A&R executive — and it shows. Watch their performance below.

I like Khloe Kardashian, so I can’t figure out why the possibility of her hosting X Factor is so bothersome. In short, it feels desperate, and it’s extremely unsettling to associate Simon Cowell with the word “desperate.” It’s as if he sat around and methodically tried to hit his ratings mark in every genre. Young person demographic? Check (Demi Lovato)! Huge pop-star on a career down-slide? Check (Britney Spears)! Reality star that people love to hate? Check (Khloe Kardashian)! There was a time when Simon Cowell felt authentic, when he stood for an unwavering favor of quality, when he acknowledged the public’s desire, but didn’t pander to it. Has the guy gone soft?

Simon Cowell won’t go down without a fight. He got the best in the business to sit on his panel, and he brutally fired the previous panel because they didn’t bring the goods. With the addition of Britney Spears’ fan-base and Demi Lovato’s young audience, it’s a guaranteed ratings win. Good job, Simon, and may ‘The Voice‘ go down in flames.

I think the sound guy messed up when he forgot to turn off Samantha Ronson’s mic during her painful performance on Live! With Kelly. Why is it that everyone has an aspiration outside their best skill? To quote Simon Cowell, “If you give this up, you can take that time to focus on something you might actually be successful at.” And Kelly Ripa needs to tone down the lies. She’s not doing anyone any favors.

I had the pleasure of attending a live taping of The Voice tonight, and it’s now unequivocally clear that this show won’t survive without a major overhaul. Though it has an intriguing gimmick, there’s some glaring issues that need to be addressed. First, there’s absolutely no emotional connection with the contestants. Sure American Idol gets attacked for pulling on America’s heartstrings with cheesy video packages, but those packages serve an important purpose. They make you root for a contestant, and you become invested in that contestant’s success. With The Voice, I found myself struggling to remember the contestants for anything other than what they wore on a previous show. Second, the judges are choosing people based on who is most similar to their own style. For example, Christina Aguilera predictably chose Ashley De La Rosa, because Ashley’s performance is the most similar to the way Christina performs. She’s not an inside A&R person like Simon Cowell, and if she was, she’d know right away that Moses has more potential for a sustainable career in the industry. And lastly, whoever styles the contestants needs to make some serious changes. These kids don’t look like stars. And they should. Don’t believe my criticism? Then just look to the Season 1 winner, Javier Colon, who has yet to hit it big. If they can’t make their winner a star, then they lose all credibility.

I had the pleasure last night of putting on my “real reporter” hat to attend Taylor Armstrong & Dana Wilkey’s fundraiser to support the 1736 Family Crisis Center. Aside from the obvious points about their philanthropy, I’d like to take this moment to point out how good these Real Housewives look in person. I realize that’s a superficial take on an important evening, but The Dishmaster is admittedly superficial — and I simply couldn’t help myself. Seriously though — it was a great night with some very kind ladies. Armstrong gave a brief speech at the event, joking that the tabloids have done a good job of explaining why she’s involved. Because I’m music-obsessed, my favorite part of the evening came from X Factor finalist Drew Ryniewicz, who sang two original songs. I officially understand why Simon Cowell took such a liking to her. She’s got the kind of potential that will flourish with the right team behind her. I’ve posted one of her X Factor performances below.

“She’s like Jessica Rabbit. Unfortunately we’ve put Daffy Duck’s brain in. But I love Daffy Duck. She’s ditzy and she’s adorable. She’s gonna kill me for the Daffy Duck.” Simon Cowell, on Nicole Scherzinger’s beauty and “intelligence.”

 
 
 

The real king in Elton John’s Super Bowl commercial is Simon Cowell, who somehow managed to hook up X Factor winner Melanie Amaro with a Super Bowl commercial. The man is a genius. The success of X Factor is dependent on his winners becoming stars in the real world, so this choice was brilliant. Plus, the commercial is funny. Watch below.

To be fair, Paula Abdul was not technically “fired” from X Factor. Her option was not renewed, which in Hollywood is a fancy way of saying that the network doesn’t want someone’s services for the following year. To be “fired,” you’d probably have to bad-mouth a producer (see Charlie Sheen). But the sad fact remains the same — Paula Abdul, whom I love, won’t be returning. And to prove why my love for her is valid, here’s what she said about her departure:

Yes, it’s true; I won’t be returning to The X Factor next season. I’ve learned through my longevity in this industry that business decisions often times override personal considerations. Simon and I, along with Fox and Fremantle, have been communicating about this for a while now, and I have absolute understanding of the situation.

Simon is, and will remain a dear friend of mine and I’ve treasured my experience working this past season with my extended family at Fox and Fremantle. I want nothing more than for The X Factor to exceed ALL of their wildest dreams. This truly has been a blessing and I am most grateful.

Goodbye for now, Paula. It’s the end of the Simon/Paula era and it’s mighty sad. But I’m certain she’ll be fine.

Well, folks — it’s the time of year when The Dishmaster says, “I told you so.” According to reports, Paula Abdul, Nicole Scherzinger, & Steve Jones have all been fired from X Factor (or as Hollywood puts it — their options were not picked up). Though I love to pat myself on my back, this prediction was an easy one. Jones received criticism for months and Scherzinger was not only a terrible host, but she also caused outrage for eliminating Rachel Crow. Also, Simon took a legitimate swipe at her on the air, which proved true the rumors of animosity. As for Paula Abdul, I’m sad to see her go, but it had to happen. Choosing her made the panel look like a poor man’s American Idol.