The Dishmaster

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Tabloid review Archive

Wednesday

12

May 2010

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The Dish – Tabloid Review

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Mel Gibson denies that he cheated on Oksana Grigorieva with porn star Violet Kowal while Grigorieva was pregnant.  Grigorieva has yet to confirm the reports, but she originally told the press that they split “suddenly and recently,” and the “truth will come out.”  Gibson is such a stand up guy, I can’t possibly believe he’d be a cheater.
Anne Hathaway’s new boyfriend Adam Shulman, is being accused of theft.  He allegedly walked off with a mural painted by street artist Mr. Brainwash.  The mural was on a building in Manhattan’s Meatpacking district.  If this story is true, she sure knows how to pick them.    
Larry King and his wife Shawn King have reconciled.  To quote the great Howard Stern, “why get half of Larry’s money when you could have all of it.”
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt may not film the series finale of ‘The Hills.’  I suppose if you want to stay on a television show, you should refrain from accusing the Executive Producer of sexual harassment.
Britney Spears and her boyfriend/manager Jason Trawick have “split professionally.”  They are officially no longer mixing business with pleasure.  He’s just her boyfriend now.
Former Bachelorette Jen Schefft is pregnant.  Love really does exist outside of television. 
Matt Lauer and his wife, Annette Roque, have split amidst reports that he cheated.  Lauer reminds me of that dorky kid in high school that never got the girl and now that he’s famous he wants as much pussy as humanly possible. 

Tuesday

4

May 2010

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The Dish – Tabloid Review

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David Boreanaz’s admitted to cheating on his wife while she was pregnant, in an attempt to diffuse the upcoming mistress press conference.  Boreanaz needs to call Charlie Sheen and ask him for advice on how to fuck women that don’t talk to the press. 

Halle Berry’s ex-boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry is pissed off that the press is labeling him a dead-beat loser, and he blames Halle’s camp for the story.  Since she has yet to defend him, I think he’s probably right.  It’s a good thing that Halle Berry stars in such fantastic movies, otherwise it would be pretty ridiculous to point fingers at Aubry’s stalled career.  Right?

Bret Michaels was released from the hospital and is expected to make a full recovery.  I’m not only thrilled for his family, but I’m also thrilled that Donald Trump will stop playing doctor with the press.

Lindsay Lohan is facing jail time for violating probation.  As a sidenote, Lohan is looking a lot like Britney Spears during Spears’ downward spiral.  Let’s hope she can get it together like Spears did before it’s too late.  There is a big difference though.  Spears’ parents never justified her behavior the way Dina Lohan does.  Instead, they told the press they were trying to help her.

David Letterman’s extortionist is going to prison.  I just realized that Letterman’s mistresses didn’t hold a press conference either.  Perhaps that is because Letterman didn’t fuck fame mongering whores. 

Rachel Uchitel lands my title as star-fucking home-wrecker of the year.  That’s just my opinion though.  After all, you can’t break up a marriage that isn’t already broken right?  Either that – or when you jump on a guy’s penis he just might have sex with you. 

 

Monday

26

April 2010

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The Dish – Tabloid Review

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Jesse James completed sex rehab, and was spotted without his wedding ring.  After reading this story, it occurred to me that my parents haven’t worn wedding rings for twenty years.  Since the absence of wedding rings is such big news in the tabloids, I called them to ask why.  They both said the same thing: “I find it annoying.”  Well, there you have it.

Brooke Mueller allegedly left Charlie Sheen and moved out of the house, amidst reports that he cheated on her with Angelina Tracy.  Luckily the kids can’t read yet.  If you find yourself cheating on everyone you’ve been with, maybe you should just be single.  It’s much less of a headache and you can still pay for hookers.

Jenna Jameson’s boyfriend, Tito Ortiz, was arrested for domestic violence.  Jameson told TMZ that even though the incident “wasn’t minor,” she hopes to work things out.  This is a pretty scary story.  Tito Ortiz is an ultimate fighter, so I imagine she was terrified.  This is why I only date men that I can take down if need be.  Hear that honey?

Larry King and Shawn King are possibly working things out.  Good for them.  

Donald Trump has an explanation for Brett Michaels’ tragic brain hemorrhage.  He thinks it has something to do with the head injury that Michaels sustained while performing at the 2009 Tonys.  Is Donald Trump a doctor now?  

Kate Gosselin’s children received the work permits necessary for them to appear on ‘Kate Plus 8.’  Shouldn’t she be paying Jon Gosselin alimony?