THE DISHMASTER

Divorce is hard enough, but public divorces are presumably even harder. That being said, they do provide for some timeless zingers that are worth reliving. Aside from Jennifer Aniston’s claim that Brad Pitt was missing his “sensitivity chip,” this one takes the cake. Watch Nicole Kidman tell David Letterman that she can “wear heels now.”

Despite the endless speculation about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes being under some kind of contractual arrangement, I actually believed in them. I thought, “Maybe they are really in love, and Tom Cruise is just a victim of the Hollywood-rumor-mill. But just when I got comfortable with the couple, they’re done. That’s not to say it was ever fake, but let this be a lesson to everyone doing interviews about their relationship — be careful what you say and how you say it, because no one wants youtube-couch-jumping evidence of the way it used to be. As an aside, this will likely help both of their careers. Holmes lived in his shadow, and Cruise never quite recovered from his Oprah interview. As a unit, they professionally suffered, and this brings them back to reality in a more relatable fashion.

It’s okay to love Tom Cruise. Sure he’s a little nuts, but so are all actors. And if you judge him for his Scientology beliefs, then don’t you also have to judge every other actor with a religious affiliation that thinks there’s an imaginary, bearded man in the sky waiting at heaven’s gate? Plus, he’s still super hot, and here at The Dishmaster, looks are most important. So watch the trailer below for ‘Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol‘ and start to get excited about the best action-movie franchise in recent history.

I just saw the trailer for Kate Hudson and Ginnifer Goodwin’s new film, Something Borrowed, and the leading man looks so much like Tom Cruise I actually found it distracting.  I realize I’m terrible with the look alike game, but watch below and tell me if you agree.

Can anyone guess what my favorite movie genre is? You got it — romantic comedies. Why? Because I go to movies as an escape, and I generally like to turn my brain off for the entire two hours. Every so often I’ll make an exception for a Tom Cruise action flick, but overall, the schmaltzier the better. So you can imagine my angst when I went to see Country Strong, and I saw an extremely disturbing trailer for a horror film. I was traumatized, and I found it very difficult to reset my mind in time for the cheesiness I desired. I thought trailers were supposed to match the genre of the movie. Are there just too few movies now to meet my interests?

There’s a rumor floating around that Katie Holmes is pissed about Anne Hathaway’s Saturday Night Live impersonation of her.  TomKat’s camp denies this, but since they didn’t publicly say it was funny, I’m guessing they hated it.  The impression is so dead-on accurate, I think Anne Hathaway actually did Katie Holmes a major favor.  Pehaps she should take the time to study the impression so she can figure out why she comes off so strange in interviews.  Watch below.  It starts around the three minute mark.

It’s no secret how much I love Tom Cruise. He’s one of my favorite actors in history, and he makes for a great interview. Because I also love David Letterman, you can imagine my happiness when I first watched the interview below. It was taped years ago, and Tom Cruise describes a very funny event when he was piloting an airplane with two friends. He laughs to hard he can barely get through the story. Enjoy!

Hollywood gets a lot of negative press for constantly remaking movies. The creative executives at movie studios enjoy the remakes because the promotion is easy, and the risks are limited. But no matter how you spin it — a remake is usually a creative cop-out, and because there are so many, the movie industry has begun to dig its grave. So how do you solve the problem? Well, you remake a movie, and then you release statements to the press about how your film is not actually a remake. Confused? Allow me to provide an example. Tony Scott, the director of Tom Cruise’s Top Gun, is looking to make another Top Gun without Tom Cruise. It’s being painted as a “sequel.” When asked about the project, Scott said, I don’t want to do a remake. I don’t want to do a reinvention. I want to do a new movie.” And that’s not the first time I’ve heard this spin. A new Jason Bourne movie is in the works, and Matt Damon won’t star in it. Tony Gilroy will direct the new film, saying, “this is not a reboot or a recast or a prequel.” Wow, Tony — perhaps you can define what this is then, considering its mighty confusing to make a Bourne movie without Jason Bourne. As for Matt Damon, he isn’t pleased with the news. Damon told Parade that he’s not in it, but “Universal just wants to call everything the ‘Bourne’ something. So I guess they are trying to make another franchise.”  Perhaps I have to start coming up with more creative terms for this type of thing.  How about . . . ripoff?

Every so often I will post about an actor that needs a ‘fall-from-grace’ recovery.  Per my good friend’s request, I’ve selected Val Kilmer this time.  For me, Kilmer’s most memorable role was that of ‘Iceman’ in ‘Top Gun.’  But who can forget ‘Willow’ and ‘Tombstone’?  So what happened to his career?  Val Kilmer was rumored to have a tyrant-like reputation.  While filming ‘Top Gun,’ reports surfaced that Cruise and Kilmer’s mutual hatred for one another turned into a fist-fight.  And it doesn’t stop there.  On the set of ‘The Island of Dr. Moreau’, it’s alleged that Kilmer deliberately burned a cameraman’s face with his lit cigarette.  In fact, the director of that film, John Frankenheimer, said “‘there are two things [he] would never do again in [his] life.  [He] will never climb Mount Everest, and [he] will never work with Val Kilmer again.” Yikes!  Frankenheimer wasn’t the only director with Kilmer issues.  ”Batman Forever’ director, Joel Schumacher, once said that Kilmer was the “most psychologically troubled human being [he's] ever worked with.”  Alright.  I don’t think I’m properly pleading my case for a Kilmer comeback.  I might have even convinced myself while writing this article that it’s not such a good idea.  Perhaps he’s changed and learned his lesson?  I thought he was great in ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,’ alongside Robert Downey Jr., though he has to salvage his hotness factor by losing the weight.  It’s possible isn’t it?  Sigh . . . when I think of another comeback kid I’ll let you know.