Can actresses everywhere stop pretending that they can eat burgers and stay a size two? In a recent interview, the very in shape Jessica Biel discussed her workout routine, and added that she often messes up and eats burgers, french fries, and turkey chili. To be a leading lady in the industry, you have to appeal to both men and women, so it certainly doesn’t help to do interviews about how you eat burgers while running on the treadmill. Because we are very high-brow here at The Dishmaster, I’d like to ask an expert if it’s possible to eat such disgusting foods, and still look like Jessica Biel. So I turned to my gigantic ass, and it has confirmed that this is not possible. There you have it. My ass has spoken.
Author: The Dishmaster
Bristol & Levi Got 100K From Us Weekly — SO WHAT
There has been a lot of criticism thrown at Us Weekly for paying for Bristol and Levi’s recent interview. Personally, I’ve never understood the problem with “checkbook journalism.” First, is an interview with Bristol and Levi really considered journalism? Second, if Us Weekly is going to make a pretty penny from an interview, shouldn’t the subject of that interview get a cut? The notion that tabloids have any level of integrity to uphold is also ridiculous. I think we should instead shift our attention to the publishing of invasive paparazzi pictures that endanger lives. At least Bristol and Levi got to control the pictures and the interview.
Best Looking Bald Actors
The news that Bruce Willis is being sued over returning a stained rug, got me thinking about beautiful bald men. I often see men holding onto the two remaining hairs on their head, and I think to myself — you look so ridiculous. Why not just shave it all off? So in an effort to convince all those men out there to go the distance, I am posting pictures of all the baldies-but-goodies in the industry. Enjoy!
Bruce Willis — Bruce is an excellent choice. He started shaving his head years ago, and he owns it. He once said on Letterman that he was nervous about the shape of his head, for fear that he’d discover upon shaving it that he’s actually a cone-head. Luckily for us, he looks great.
Jason Statham — He started in the industry with hair, and I think his bald head helps with the bad guy roles. I once saw Statham while shopping with my mother in a mall. My mother had no idea who he was, and said (in her very heavy Long Island accent), “Well, I don’t care who he is, he isn’t carrying his girlfriend’s bags. That poor girl is carrying all of his shopping bags and he is not holding anything.” And there you have it. He may be a great looking guy, but my mother doesn’t approve.
Taye Diggs — I’ve loved Taye Diggs ever since he starred in ‘How Stella Got her Groove Back.’ He also appeared on Broadway in ‘Rent,’ and he’s now on ‘Private Practice.’ Let’s hope we see him next on ‘Glee.’
Ed Harris — He is the quintessential bald man that everyone cites as an example of sexiness. Remember when Charlotte described Stanford to Marcus as an “Ed Harris lookalike” on ‘Sex and the City’? It’s like he was born to be bald.
Joey Lawrence — I debated choosing Joey Lawrence because something about his demeanor reeks of arrogance. He made the cut though, because his baldness is by choice. He shaved his head for a role and then decided he liked it. Plus, he was on ‘Blossom,’ which is one of my all-time favorite shows.
Michael Chiklis — I’ve chosen Chiklis not only because he’s sexy, but also because he’s a nice guy. You would never guess that the guy from ‘The Commish’ is the same guy from ‘The Shield.’ It’s the bald head that did the trick.
Where Is Pippi Longstocking Now?
For some reason the Punky Brewster theme song in my previous post got me wondering what happened to Tami Erin, from ‘The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking.’ I confess that I’m pretty superficial, so my biggest concern in looking her up, was how she aged. Pippi Longstocking still has to be a cute girl, right? I have good news and bad news. The good news is, as you can see from the picture on the right, Pippi still looks great. The bad news is, I found an interview with her, and she is pretty darn annoying. I often get perturbed when actors ignore the roles that made them famous (hear that Jan Brady?). But I’ve amended my complaint to account for actors that get excessively amped about the roles that made them famous. In just about every Tami Erin interview that I saw, she mentions her Pippi role about five hundred times. She even launched a “Pippi inspired” clothing line. Watch an interview below to see the very humble Pippi spout a twenty page resume in just under three minutes. It’s pretty impressive.
Update: It turns out TMZ was also interested in Pippi’s whereabouts. While most people try to escape TMZ, if you watched the first interview, I think you can guess how she reacted.
Best Television Show Theme Songs
I was watching re-runs of Mary Tyler Moore, and it made me realize that they just don’t make television theme songs the way they used to. In fact, most shows today forgo a theme song altogether. As a tribute to the good-old-days of television, I’m posting the best theme songs of all time. Prepare yourself for a nostalgia overload.
Growing Pains — Steve Dorff & John Bettis — “As Long as We Got Each Other”
Cheers — Gary Portnoy & Judy Hart Angelo — “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”
The Golden Girls — Written by Andrew Gold, Covered by Cindy Fee — “Thank You For Being a Friend”
Welcome Back Kotter — John Sebastian
The Wonder Years — Joe Cocker Cover of Beatles Song — “With a Little Help From My Friends”
Laverne & Shirley — Norman Gimbel & Charles Fox — “Making Our Dreams Come True”
Mr. Ed — Jay Livingston & Ray Evans
Fresh Prince of Bel Air — Will Smith and Quincy Jones III
Charles in Charge — David Kurtz, Michael Jacobs, Al Burton & performed by Shandi Sinnamon
The Jeffersons — Ja’net Du Bois & Jeff Barry — “Movin’ On Up”
Punky Brewster — Gary Portnoy & Judy Hart Angelo — “Every Time I Turn Around”
Mary Tyler Moore — Paul Williams — “Love is All Around”
For more that I did not cover, go to Paste Magazine
Mel Gibson is Done — Put a Fork in Him
I notice that just about every news outlet in America is asking the same question — is Mel Gibson’s career over? Gosh, that is so thought provoking. I think we can all safely say the guy is done. He was done after ‘Passion of the Christ,’ and the Malibu rant sealed the deal. It’s certainly unfortunate that so many great movies in my Netflix queue have to be removed, because it just is not the same to watch a movie knowing that the heroic main character is so personally tortured. Dammit Mel! How am I going to watch ‘What Women Want’ again? Anyways, in honor of asking-obvious-questions day, I have attached some personal favorites. Enjoy!
- Has Mel Gibson become a pariah in Hollywood? Or just for the time being? Los Angeles Times
- Can Mel Gibson’s career survive the latest ugliness? CBS News
- How Much more PR damage can one career take and still survive? Entertainment Weekly
- Can Mel Gibson salvage his career? USA Today
- Mel Gibson’s career comeback appears unlikely New York Daily News
- Can Mel Gibson’s career survive this scandal? Extra TV
- Mel Gibson’s rant may sink his career. Associated Content
- The death of Mel Gibson’s career has been greatly exaggerated. Reuters
- It would seem like the career of the erstwhile Mad Max is toast . . . Or is it? Popeater
Leonardo DiCaprio Could have Been Spiderman — Should He Have Kept Mum?
Movieline asked Leonardo DiCaprio about the roles he turned down, and there are quite a few. Most notable, was that of Spiderman, which eventually went to Tobey Maguire. DiCaprio said that he, “didn’t feel ready to put on that suit yet.” As much as I love knowing the back-story behind great movies, I don’t think that actors should talk about it. When you admit to having turned something down, you make the guy that got the part look like a second-rate leftover. I’m sure DiCaprio meant nothing by his admission, given that he and Tobey Maguire are friends, but it still does not sit well with me. Remember that whole Scarlett Johansson/Christina Hendricks debacle?
Aaron Sorkin Will Direct John Edwards Biopic — YAWN
Am I the only person on the planet that is no longer interested in John Edwards’ life? The great Aaron Sorkin will direct a movie based on Edwards life, and I’m not sure I care. At the time the Enquirer exposed Edwards’ affair I was certainly enthralled. I remember thinking that there was something awry with his character while he was running for President, but I could not pinpoint it. So when the tabloids exposed his insane affair, I was on the edge of my seat. Not just because I wanted confirmation that I was right, but because I wanted to know whether the Enquirer was credible. So now we know, and I’m officially over it. What more is there to know other than that he’s a complete scumbag with bad taste in mistresses. Perhaps the movie is about why men cheat on their wives with unattractive women? Now that’s a question I want an answer to.
Pink is not a Trapeze Artist — Who Knew?
Pink was injured during her concert, when she fell through a barricade while suspended in the air. She was rushed to the hospital, and subsequently let her fans know that she’s okay. I know that Pink prides herself on doing her own stunts and never lip-syncing, but enough is enough. She is not a trapeze artist, and I’m sure she could put on just as good of a show with professionals doing the dirty work. I also think that she has taken this anti-Britney stance way too far. I’ve seen her perform, and she is so exhausted, that she can be heard panting into the microphone at times, while she is trying to catch her breath. Would it kill her to lip-sync even part of the concert if she’s upside down for most of it? I seriously don’t mind, nor do I think it would sacrifice her creative integrity to do so.
Mel Gibson Outrage — But What About Sean Connery?
Much of the outrage about Mel Gibson surrounds whether he actually punched his girlfriend in the face, knocking out two of her teeth. But then how did Sean Connery get off scot-free (no pun intended)? In an interview with Barbara Walters, Sean Connery admitted to occasionally hitting his wife — when the situation “merited it,” of course. He said that women often relentlessly try to get the last word, and it “depends entirely on the circumstances” whether they deserve a good slap in the face. Come to think of it, I often fantasize about returning to the good old days, where I could maybe say to a condescending boss or two, “why don’t we just take this outside.” That way I could conserve all of my overflowing wit for theDishmaster.com instead. But not everyone is a Taekwondo master, and so it’s probably best that office fisticuffs are prohibited. Seriously though, if you didn’t know that Sean Connery is a wife-beater, watch the interview below. It’s mind-blowing.