Jessica Simpson Reveals Magical Weight Loss — Sort of

I’m confused. When Jessica Simpson says, “It’s not about the numbers,” did she mistakenly think she was talking about her shoes or something? This is a weight watchers reveal. Exactly what is it about if it’s not about losing weight? I get it. It’s hard to lose weight, and she spent the entirety of her emerging career as the hot, skinny chick, which she now has to compete with. That being said, if you’re going to get four million dollars to lose weight, then I’d suggest you lose weight.

Tabloid Gossip — Week-End-Rundown

  • Amanda Bynes was charged with two separate hit-and-runs. Wet Paint
  • John Mayer and Katy Perry rekindled their romance. ICYDK
  • Kris Humphries still believes in love. She Knows
  • Chad Johnson really wants his ex to forgive him. Starcasm
  • Shia LaBeouf is happy for ex-girlfriend Carey Mulligan. Radar Online
  • Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are getting serious. Contact Music
  • Elisha Cuthbert is engaged. Yahoo UK
  • Lisa Loeb debuted her adorable baby boy. People
  • One of the Dixie Chicks had a chicklet. E! Online
  • Ryan Lochte has a crush on Blake Lively. Celebuzz
  • LeAnn Rimes left treatment for her concert. Zap2It
  • Jared Leto & Scarlett Johansson held hands. Us Magazine
  • Usher & his ex-wife still hate each other. TMZ
  • Kanye West has been leaving Kim Kardashian clues in his songs for years. Gawker

 

 

 

Pink Rocks Out the VMAs — Wants You to Blow Her

Pink represents every cool chick in high school that I idolized from afar. If only I had the guts to shave my head like that and wear suspenders to hold up my leotard. And the most amazing thing of all? You can be cool and write catchy pop songs at the same time. Who knew? Watch below.

Get More: P!nk, Blow Me (One Last Kiss) (Live), Music, More Music Videos

Taylor Swfit Performs at the VMAS — Dresses Like High-Schooler

Perhaps my readers can explain to me the age demographic of Taylor Swift’s target audience. Because it sure looks like she’s regressing. When she was a teenager she wore a dress to sing ‘White Horse,’ and now that she’s actually an adult she’s dressing like a teenager. Did I mention this song is terrible? Watch below to see her sing ‘Never Getting Back Together.’

Get More: Taylor Swift, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Live), Music, More Music Videos

President Clinton Kills It at the Democratic National Convention — WATCH

After a powerful warm-up act from Massachusetts Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren (who may or may not owe American Indian delegates some answers about her prior claims of Native ancestry) and a brief introduction from Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, Bill Clinton took the stage. He was looking particularly lean and mean — that is, in his exceedingly kind and charming way — as he addressed the packed house at the Time Warner Cable Arena in Charlotte, N.C.

“We are here, to nominate a president, and I’ve got one in mind,” said Clinton. He went on to explain that, for our President, he wants “to nominate a man who’s cool on the outside, but who burns for America on the inside.” Shortly thereafter, he nominated President Barack Obama to be the standard bearer of the Democratic Party.

After a lengthy round of exuberant applause, Bill wasted no time picking apart and deftly challenging the “alternative universe” spun by Republicans at their National Convention last week. It was incredible. He astutely, and diplomatically, shifted his focus at various points from Republicans in general to the far-right folks who are controlling that Party. He called them out for lacking facts. He called them out for being too hateful. And then he eschewed trickle-down economics.

As expected, he also articulately broke down the extent of Obama’s accomplishments and explained why he should have four more years. He acknowledged that we still have many problems with the economy, but explained that President Obama stopped the slide into recession and put the country on the long road to recovery. He emphasized that Obama “started with a much weaker economy than I did,” explaining that no one could have repaired all the damage that he found when he came into office in just four years.

President Clinton then hammered on the jobs issue with numbers, analogies to his own presidency, and hope. One of his major themes was “broadly shared prosperity.” He advised, if you renew the President’s contract, you will feel it.

Clinton pushed back against the Republican right’s unrealistic anthem that every single person made it all on their own — by the bootstraps and with no help from anyone. He said that “we are all in this together” is a far better philosophy than “you are on your own.” Brilliantly simple, and very true!

After 48 and a half minutes, Bill wrapped it up by encouraging people to go out and vote, and to vote for President Obama.

Then Obama walked to meet Clinton; he gave him a very real handshake and an authentic hug. Those two dudes look great together. This was an amazing night.

Today was the second to last day of the Democratic National Convention. Tomorrow night is Obama!

Barbara Walters Grills Kim Kardashian: “Is Kanye The One?”

Poor Kim Kardashian. She spent years exposing her personal life, and now she’s forced to do a terrible job of evading the public’s inquiry. Don’t feel too sorry for her, though. She can afford to buy her boyfriend a Lamborghini. He better be very good in bed. Watch the interrogation below.

Bill Maher v. Dinesh D’Souza: “Why Didn’t You Defend Me?”

Though most media outlets are focused on Bill Maher’s issues with Dinesh’s anti-Obama film, I’m focused on Bill’s bad-ass attack on Dinesh “[slipping] away like a rat” after Bill got fired from ‘Politically Incorrect’ for his heated post-9/11 comments in response to Dinesh’s original point. Bill took issue with Dinesh’s failure to defend him in the wake of the backlash, especially considering Dinesh originated the controversial statement. Watch Dinesh squirm around the seven minute mark.

Taylor Swift Debuts New Video — Wears Scrunchie

To quote my very funny friend, Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriend is probably thinking, “Thank God we are never getting back together.” Sure that sounds mean, but it’s really a knock on her horrific new song than it is an attack on her character. Watch the video below. Unless you’re twelve, I’d say you probably won’t like it.