Tabloid Gossip: Breakups, Makeups, and Babies

  • Hugh Hefner has already moved on from his Runaway Bride, Crystal Harris. TMZ
  • Natalie Portman gave birth to a baby boy.  Pinkisthenewblog
  • Denise Richards will write a new memoir detailing her “love story” with Charlie SheeniVillage
  • Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green will renew their wedding vows.  Showbizspy
  • Paris Hilton and her longtime boyfriend, Cy Waits, are “reevaluating” their relationship.  E! Online
  • Mel Gibson is dating Greek gothic model, Stella Mouzi.  Etibits
  • Jennifer Aniston may have ended Justin Theroux’s 14 year relationship with Heidi Bivens.  New York Post
  • Lady Gaga is back together with Luc Carl. PopCrush
  • Vanessa Hudgens moved on from Zac Efron to Josh Hutcherson. Astrochicks

Jennifer Aniston’s Boyfriend is ‘Sex and the City’s’ Pre-Mature Ejaculator

Carrie Bradshaw had many famous boyfriends on ‘Sex and the City.’ Often times I’d find myself getting attached, only to be sadly disappointed when they were quickly written off the show. One such favorite was Vaughn Wysel, a character in the episode entitled, ‘Shortcomings.’ He was a writer with a great family, and Carrie liked him until finding out that he was a two-pump-chump (I’d like to apologize to my father for that description, but I simply could not think of a more eloquent way to say it. Either my writing needs work — or I’m simply too perverse to call myself a lady). As it turns out, Vaughn was played by Justin Theroux, who is currently Jennifer Aniston’s new squeeze. Let’s hope he’s more capable in real life. To see a clip of his episode, watch the video below, and fast-forward to the end.
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Hugh Hefner Alters Crystal Harris’ Playboy Cover — ‘Runaway Bride’ Sticker

Hugh Hefner isn’t just a smart business man — he also has a sense of humor. Instead of letting Crystal Harris’ Playboy Magazine cover run with a “Mrs. Hefner” title, he decided to alter the issue by slapping a “Runaway Bride” sticker on it. I find this especially funny because it actually ruins Harris’ dream cover, considering her well-toned body is now slightly covered with an ugly sticker. Good job, Hef!

Kim Kardashian’s Wedding Registry Revealed — Is She Too Rich for This?

Perhaps I’m a love-hating curmudgeon, but there’s nothing more materialistic than a wedding. Most people spend beyond their means, and some couples even go into debt to accommodate their childhood fantasy. So when you’re rich with limitless money, doesn’t it make the event even worse when you call upon your friends to contribute? Apparently, Kim Kardashian has no issues with this, considering she asked for a $1,250 spoon. Sure she has a right to presents if she wants them, but unless the presents have some semblance of sentimental value, wouldn’t it be better to just ask people to contribute to a charity — or not contribute at all?

Shannon Tweed Storms off Joy Behar’s Show in a Gene Simmons Huff

My Hollywood insiders tell me that 99% of reality television is fake. Because I’m a gullible dolt, I have trouble believing them. As a result, I think the clip below is real. In it, Shannon Tweed storms off the set of Joy Behar’s show, after her long-time partner, Gene Simmons, makes a joke about the many women he’s had sex with. There’s much speculation on the internet that it’s planned, but I just don’t think they are talented enough to pull off the spectacle. Plus, it’s entirely possible that they have already split up, and they are contractually obligated to promote the show, while also keeping the current status of their relationship a secret. Watch below and judge for yourself.
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Justin Timberlake is “Better High” — I Can Assure Him — He is Not

You know what’s worse than hanging out with a bunch of stoners? Hanging out with a bunch of stoners that discuss how great it is to be stoned. Justin Timberlake makes the annoy-the-Dishmaster list, with his recent interview where he discloses his affection for marijuana, followed by the proclamation that, “some people are just better high.” Because I’m the lucky alumni of a brain-numbing party college, I’ve had the good fortune of being around a plethora of high people. Like Timberlake, these people insist that they are “better” in their high state. I can assure him and and stoners everywhere — no one is better high. To be fair, I have met one person who becomes funnier while smoking weed, but I consider him to be an aberrant part of civilization that should be studied by doctors in a petri dish somewhere. Other than that, stoners may be the least entertaining people on the planet, and the idea that they want to make marijuana legal so that they can infect me with their horrible personality in a public forum — might be the scariest movement in history. Here’s the good news though — my celebrities-I’d-like-to-ba*g list just lost a member. No need to fantasize about Justin Timberlake anymore.

Quote of the Day — Brooke Shields on her Tony Flub

“I think it was the first time in my career I messed up that royally,” she said. “I was beyond embarrassed. I wanted to give up show business. I fucked up. They counted me in wrong; the Teleprompter was wrong. I felt like I was having an aneurysm.” Brooke Shields on her meltdown at the Tony Awards.

Married to Rock — The Worst Show on Earth

There’s no one more attracted to trashy reality television than myself. Having said that, I’d have to pull my eyelashes out lash-by-lash before watching more of ‘Married to Rock.’ It’s a shame when your wife can barely form actual sentences. Oh right — it’s fine if she’s hot. I’d tell you the names of the individuals in the clip below, but it’s simply not worth knowing. Enjoy!
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Are Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed Splitting Up?

Gene Simmons appeared on Cheslea Lately, and Chelsea represented women everywhere by asking why one woman isn’t enough. She also referred to his longtime partner, Shannon Tweed, as his “wife,” which clearly ruffled Gene’s feathers. Gene tried to evade her inquiry and Shannon then yelled out from the audience, “answer the lady!” Predictably, Gene did not have an answer. When Chelsea asked if it’s okay if Shannon sleeps with other men, he also shirked responding, which leads me to to believe that Gene Simmons is a misogynistic hypocrite. Plus, his hair is gross. It seems that Chelsea was on to something. While promoting the new season of their show on The Today Show, it appeared as if their marriage is ending. Watch both interviews below.
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