Dear World, Leave Jennifer Aniston Alone
I’m forced to defend Jennifer Aniston. Though her incessant throat-clearing on Friends still peeves me in syndication, I’ve often made a habit to defend underdogs. You might be asking yourself how Jennifer Aniston is an underdog. I’d like to point you to a review of The Switch by Mr. Wesley Morris of the Boston Globe. It begins with the line, “the romantic comedy has never had a star as depressing as Jennifer Aniston.” Seriously? Usually I would ignore this and file it away in my prick-dom archives, but a summary of negative reviews for The Switch, provided by the Los Angeles times, exposed many other needless Jennifer Aniston insults. Many of these critics like to list almost every one of her movies, as examples of how consistently terrible she is. In response, I am going to do the same — only I am going to use money to justify her success — unlike these male critics that solely use their menopausal temperament as a barometer. Here goes: Marley and Me grossed over $200 million worldwide; Along Came Polly grossed over $150 million; The Break-Up grossed over $200 million; and Bruce Almighty grossed over $450 million. Translation? She’s a successful film actress. So why the Aniston backlash, and the constant jabs at her being single and childless? I don’t know. All I know is that George Clooney is perpetually single as well. Like Aniston, he was married once, has dated around, and never married again. Does anyone say that he “can’t find a woman?” Or that he is “desperate and childless?” In summation, I would encourage Mr. Morris and all other critics to take the she-hating stick out of his ass.