Madonna is a Late Hypocrite

As someone who used to cover multiple concerts a week (on school nights), I’m in a unique position to articulate the rage associated with a late start time. At the end of the day, I’m a paying consumer, and that comes with the expectation that I’m getting what I’ve paid for. Apparently, Madonna does not agree. When addressing her notorious late arrivals, she told her audience, “Here’s something you all need to understand. And that is, that the queen is never late.”

While Madonna is indeed a queen, I find her attitude to be especially ironic given her infamous quest for excellence when working with other artists. She demands exhaustive rehearsals, and she won’t take no for an answer. If you’re going to demand that level of professionalism, then practice what you preach. I don’t care how good your show is, if I’m paying for it to start at a certain time, then I expect you to be there at that time.

Madonna is currently being sued by Florida-resident Nate Hollander, who claims to have lost the $1,024.95 on three tickets for Madonna’s Miami Beach show because the start time was changed from 8:30 p.m. to 10:30 p.m in an effort to manage her late arrival and inform attendees. That’s too late for Mr. Hollander, and he was unable to re-sell the tickets at its new time. Though his lawsuit is likely going to get thrown out, it certainly has generated press enough press to prove the worth of its filing.

Shark Tank’s Lori Grenier Calls Contestant a Chauvanist

I onced joked to Mark Cuban that the chairs on Shark Tank should be rearranged according to the most successful investors/sharks, and he replied, “Then the women would be sitting dead center.” The clip below brought me back to that moment, as Lori Grenier suggested (in one of the first moments in the history of the show) that the contestant was a “chauvanist.” Though the men didn’t seem to bite on her observation, I think she’s onto something. Furthermore, the contestant’s reaction is telling, as it’s more condescending than contrite.

It’s not easy to be the lone female on a panel of dudes, especially when making an assertion based on nuance only another woman might understand. In fact, any woman whose been to a car dealership (let alone a board meeting) beside a man would know what she’s saying 3.5 seconds into the clip below. Watch and judge for yourself.

Selena Gomez Takes Aim at Justin Bieber With New Tune

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are poster children for toxic relationships, but like most of America, I always rooted for their reconciliation and was baffled by his quick rebound with Hailey Baldwin. As for Gomez herself, she was equally baffled, especially given her new song, “Lose You to Love Me,” which will no doubt generate some confusion and cantankerous conversation in Casa Bieber. Gomez’s tune is equal parts prosaic and beautiful. She somehow seemlessly ebbs in and out of the public eye with grace. Listen below.

The Affair Season 5 Needs Serious Help – A Full Review

When Ruth Wilson abruptly exited Showtime’s The Affair, I knew there was trouble. Joshua Jackson followed quickly behind, sending the show into an almost certain death. But since most shows need five seasons to be profitable, the powers that be decided to keep it moving, and they did their very best to make it appear as if the departures were more about the characters running their course and less about the alleged on-set sexual harassment. I don’t know the truth, but I do how television works, and Joshua Jackson and Ruth Wilson were both under contract. They had to be let out of that contract, and since they were so creatively essential to the series, I can only imagine something serious happened.

Now for season five. In short, it’s terrible. To quote one Twitter user, “it feels more like a spin off and not a very good one.” In place of Alison and Cole is the adult Joanie, played by Anna Paquin, who is doing the best she can with a bad role. Because she’s set in the future, what we get is some silly technological advances (including what your toilet might look like in 2020), and a preachy portrayal of an earth that has been ruined by humans. While I agree humans are ruining the planet, this is so far removed from the original tone of the show it feels cartoonish. Her scene partners also don’t help. Her on-screen husband has no depth, and when she’s met with a overly-chatty journalist (EJ) who has an unexplainable interest in her family, it feels more like a cheap excuse for plot explanation than an actual conversation. I’d have loved a far less on-the-nose Joanie. A sweet, loving Joanie who has empathy for her mother’s suicide and doesn’t want to confront the idea that she was murdered because she lives in a utopian bubble about humanity being decent. Instead, I get Alison x 50 minus all the nuance of Ruth Wilson’s acting chops. In defense of Anna Paquin, you can’t polish a turd.

As for Maura Tierney and Dominic West, they are laying brick. They are phenomonel actors who deserve credit for doing their best with a bad situation. Maura might have the only compelling storyline on season five, and she’s carrying the show. Dominic West is still great as Noah, but I simply don’t buy the realization that he wants his family back. While it can be done, the writing is far too one-dimensional and his character has always been extremely complex. Placing sex toys in Helen’s bedroom is so basic I wanted to throw something at the screen.

I realize this review sounds angry, and that’s because it is. I found it appalling when the show’s creator said that Ruth Wilson’s character had run its coarse, instead of praising what she had done with it thus far. She’s one of the best actresses I’ve seen in decades and without her, the show would not have succeeded. Show some respect. Furthermore, the idea that the series could have been ressurrected without its two leads reeks of arrogance. I know people have jobs to keep, but sometimes it’s time to close up shop.

Taylor Swift Goes for Kanye . . . Again

RS1332 Taylor Swift Photograph by by Erik Madigan Heck for Rolling Stone

As long as Taylor Swift is going to parse out her Kanye West feud point-for-point, so is The Dishmaster, because as a current lawyer and former debater, I know how to read between the lines — and Taylor Swift’s lines are actually circles. 

Let’s review. Swift and West’s feud began at the MTV Video Music Awards when West interrupted her speech to boldly proclaim that Beyonce should have won. They briefly reconciled, but their new love took a left turn when West wrote a song about Swift, with the lyrics, “I made that bitch famous” and “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex.” When West’s wife, Kim Kardashian, came to her husband’s defense, Swift’s team attempted to demoralize her with a cutting, sexist quote, saying:

“Taylor does not hold anything against Kim Kardashian as she recognizes the pressure Kim must be under and that she is only repeating what she has been told by Kanye West. However, that does not change the fact that much of what Kim is saying is incorrect. Kanye West and Taylor only spoke once on the phone while she was on vacation with her family in January of 2016 and they have never spoken since. Taylor has never denied that conversation took place. It was on that phone call that Kanye West also asked her to release the song on her Twitter account, which she declined to do. Kanye West never told Taylor he was going to use the term ‘that bitch’ in referencing her. A song cannot be approved if it was never heard. Kanye West never played the song for Taylor Swift. Taylor heard it for the first time when everyone else did and was humiliated. Kim Kardashian’s claim that Taylor and her team were aware of being recorded is not true, and Taylor cannot understand why Kanye West, and now Kim Kardashian, will not just leave her alone.”  

Swift doubled down when she accepted the GRAMMY Award saying, “There are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame.” Team West/Kardashian finally had enough and released the actual footage of Swift gleefully consenting to West’s use of the song. In the leaked footage, Swift can be heard calling West “awesome” for being “outspoken” in declaring that the VMA incident “made her famous.”

I suspect Swift was not aware she was being recorded, as there’s no way in hell her team would release the above quote if they had knowledge that it could be disproved in an instant. Furthermore, it’s illegal. California is a two-party state, which means that it is illegal for West to record anything without Swift’s permission or knowledge. West/Kardashian obviously knew that a lawsuit would serve to further soil Swift’s reputation, so they took the risk in releasing it. 

When Swift got word of the release, her entire argument hinged on West NOT asking to use the words “that bitch,” saying ” You don’t get to control someone’s emotional response to being called ‘that bitch’ in front of the entire world.” Though we don’t get to “control” her emotional response, we do get to judge whether its genuine. And the evidence suggests it is not genuine. She did not object to West declaring that he made her famous (yet Swift took aim at this line during her GRAMMY speech) and she did not object to a line involving the two having sex. On the leaked footage she is heard saying that the sex lyric is actually “tongue in cheek.” If she didn’t object to both those lines, it stands to reason she would also not object to being called “that bitch.” But a busted person gets desperate — and she did the best she could to remove the red paint from her hands.

In a new interview with Rolling Stone, Swift resurrected the feud, claiming Kanye is two-faced. Swift recounts being asked by West to present him with the Vanguard Award only to say on stage, “MTV got Taylor Swift up here to present me this award for ratings!” But Rolling Stone fact-checked her claim, and West’s EXACT quote is, “You know how many times they announced Taylor was going to give me the award ’cause it got them more ratings?” The difference between those two sentences is MASSIVE. Swift’s claim implies West baited her to present the award and then made it look like it was solely MTV’s decision. His actual quote implies that HE wanted her to present the award but it was MTV who capitalized on the kind gesture between friends for ratings. While it’s possible she does not understand the difference between those two quotes, it’s also possible that this is once again a desperate attempt to revive her reputation. 

For the life of me I do not understand why Swift won’t let this die. Part of me wants to believe she thinks she’s right and doesn’t understand the facts. But then I remember her sexist quote about Kim Kardashian and her deplorable GRAMMY speech and it hit me — she doesn’t think she’s right, she wants to win.

Kim v. Kourtney: “Your Style is Nasty”

KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS — Season: 16 — Pictured: “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” Key Art — (Photo by: Miller Mobley/ E! Entertainment)

There are so many layers to the greatness of the Keeping Up with the Kardashians clip below, I’ve decided to explain it in bullet form to ensure I cover all the key points. Note that the sisterly spat began when Kim accused Kourtney of trying to copy her style.

  • A Humanitarian hoe: Kim Kardashian calls Kourtney Kardashian a “fake humanitarian hoe,” because Kim is actually doing things for the world and Kourtney is just pretending. Kim might be a real humanitarian, but she’s also a humanitarian that called her sister a “hoe.”
  • Kris Jenner’s reaction: Kris Jenner is clearly the favorite Kardashian, as the matriarch has an unprecedented hustle. Her zen-like response to her kids’ fights is priceless. Plus, she couldn’t help but crack a smile at the ridiculousness.
  • Khloe doesn’t give a f*ck: Khloe Kardashian is the queen of bypassing drama with a dazed phone scroll, and this clip is no exception.
  • Kourtney’s response: Kourtney has always dominated the savage insults, and her “people-are-dying-Kim” response to Kim losing her $75,000 diamond earring in the ocean has gone down in history as one of the show’s all time best quotes. The fact that this clip gives that quote a callback makes me very happy.
  • Kim is a style snob: While Kim might have the best style of the Kardashian clan (excluding mamma Kris), that doesn’t say a lot. Plus, Kanye plays a large role in it and Kim hoards the credit. That being said, she’s taken over Kourtney’s savage insults by calling Kourtney’s stylist’s picks “nasty.”

Watch the glorious clip below. Keeping Up With the Kardashians airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on E!.

Lala Kent Tries to Wiggle Out of 50 Cent Feud

WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE WITH ANDY COHEN — Episode 16140 — Pictured: Lala Kent — (Photo by: Charles Sykes/Bravo)

Vanderpump Rules star Lala Kent’s warped sense of self worth is an always entertaining addition to the intoxicating Bravo reality series, but when it comes to her feud with 50 Cent, I simply can’t let it slide. In the clip below, you’ll see Kent claim that she has receipts to prove that she “bruised 50 Cent’s ego,” which is laughable considering the extent to which “Fofty” humiliating her husband/Power producer Randall Emmett over outstanding debt owed to the rapper/producer. Watch below to see her wiggle out of one of the best feuds of all time.

Miley Cyrus & Kaitlynn Carter – Why Are Same-Sex Affairs, “Fake”?

When Miley Cyrus surfaced on the beach smooching Foray co-founder/Brody Jenner’s ex Kaitlynn Carter, most people thought it was fake, including The Hills star/Tommy Lee’s and Pamela Anderson’s son, Brandon Lee. Personally, I thought it was more disrespectful than fake. In fact, it’s just as disrespectful as Brody’s recent rendezvous with Josie Canseco, but because society is way harder on women, Brody’s actions seemed to get a pass. He rightfully came to his ex-“wife’s” defense, but the damage is done.

Here’s my issue. Why is it “fake” when two women kiss on the heels of a divorce, but it’s “scandalous” when a woman and a man run off together? Is a lesbian love affair less believable? Though men might not place the same weight on girl/girl infidelity, it’s just as tacky to rub your new relationship in your ex’s face, regardless of the gender. I have zero idea about the timeline here, so I can only go by their announcement. But judging by Liam Hemsworth’s reaction, he’s still grieving the loss of his marriage – which makes this worse.

Taylor Swift’s “Lover” v. Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You”

It’s no secret I’ve been riding the Taylor Swift hate train for quite some time, but that doesn’t make me a “hater.” I’m just simply a longtime fan gone rogue after a series of unforgivable missteps. Aside from the usual complaints about her whoa-is-me/I’m-a-victim behavior, she’s released a new tune entitled “Lover” and it’s so clearly a rip-off off of Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You” my head might explode. Will she receive legal push-back? Probably not. To quote my friend, “It’s close, but it’s not close enough.” Listen below and judge for yourself.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion: Part 2 – Hypocrisy Galore

It’s hard to believe the ladies of RHOBH think the show can survive sans Lisa Vanderpump, especially given that 80% of the season was about Lisa Vanderpump — even AFTER she quit the reality series. Fans of LVP have been quick to point out the leading ladies are hypocrities for attacking the WEHO Queen, a tactic used to deflect attention from their own personal lives — specifically the multi-million dollar lawsuits they’re facing. Those lawsuits are against the husbands of Erika Jayne, Kyle Richards, and Dorit Kemsley.

On last night’s reunion, Andy Cohen served the tea, and rightfully brought those lawsuits to light. The ladies conveniently all agred they should be kept private, with Kyle Richards leading the charge. Kyle insisted that the husbands are not fair game for the show, which is an interesting assertion given that Kyle uses the show to promote her husband’s business. In fact, she threw a party for his company ON THE SHOW. Furthermore, Kyle has consistenly brought up the actions of LVP’s husband, Ken Todd.

The lawsuits are fair game. If you sign up for a reality show, then that show should reflect the reality of your life. At the very least, you could use it to deny the accusations against you, instead of completely ignoring a monstrous life event. And besides, even if LVP leaked that story — who actually cares?