Kim Kardashian Settles Blogger Lawsuit For Claiming Marriage Was Staged

For defamation cases, there’s only one way to get sued — if you lie. Sure there’s a few more elements they taught us in law school — but if I told you what they were I’d get post-law-school-PTSD and break out in hives. So when Jonathan Jaxson claimed to have it on personal authority that Kim Kardashian’s marriage was staged, I thought, “He’s gotta be telling the truth. No one is stupid enough to openly expose themselves to such an easy defamation case, right? Apparently, he was that stupid. He settled with Kardashian, and that settlement included a public apology. Might I add that Kim Kardashian has turned into quite the shark? I’m moderately impressed.

What is Defamation & Why Didn’t Ashton Kutcher Sue?

At the time Star Magazine published their story about how Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore, Kutcher tweeted that Star Magazine defamed his character and he threatened to sue. This isn’t the first time celebrities have sued or threatened to sue tabloids for defamation of character. So what is defamation, and why doesn’t every celebrity sue?

The first thing to understand about defamation is that celebrities can’t sue anyone who airs their dirty laundry if it’s true. When celebrities and other public figures sue for defamation, they can only win if they prove that the defamatory statement is false.

Oh what’s that you say? What is a defamatory statement? Great question. It is a statement about the celebrity which hurts his reputation. The statement must also be communicated to a person other than the celebrity himself. (So if Star Magazine called Ashton at his house and accused him of cheating, they’d be in the clear — because no one else heard it).

Given the above explanation, it doesn’t seem like it should be so hard for Ashton to prove his case against Star Magazine, right? They published the story — “Ashton Kutcher Caught Cheating…” — to the world and it makes Ashton sound like an unfaithful jerk. And of course it’s false – that Jamie Madrox look-alike would never cheat on G.I. Jane, right?

But there’s one more catch — as a public figure, Ashton must prove that Star Magazine published the statement with full knowledge that the statement was false or with reckless disregard for whether it was true or false. Sure, they probably knew they were lying and they probably do it all the time. But how is Ashton going to prove it in court?

It is hard for him to come up with photos of him NOT kissing girls. He would have to get someone from Star to blow up their own journalistic spot and say, “yeah, I knew it wasn’t true and I wrote it anyway.”

If you’ve been following my analysis, you might have come to one of two conclusions to the title of this post. Either the case is just too hard to win, or Ashton really did cheat and can’t sue a tabloid for reporting the truth.  So which one is it?  I have no idea, but you’re free to draw your own conclusions.

In closing, I’d like to proclaim that everything I didn’t already know, I learned from The Dishmaster.

Ashton Kutcher Sues Vivid Over Sex Tape Claim? — Something Smells Fishy, Ashton

Ashton Kutcher’s alleged mistress is selling a sex tape and it’s being promoted as “the girl who had sex with Ashton Kutcher.” Kutcher is suing, claiming that this “infringes on his celebrity value.” Allow me to put this lawyer thing to use and explain why Ashton Kutcher’s handling of this has become mighty suspicious. First, when he was initially accused of having an affair with this woman by Star Magazine, he threatened to sue for defamation — but he never did. The problem with suing for defamation is that in order for Kutcher to have a case, the accusation has to be false. So the fact that Kutcher never sued leads me to believe that the information is true, and he therefore knew he wouldn’t win. Got it? That brings me to my next point. A small part of me thought Kutcher didn’t sue because, despite his oodles of cash, he simply didn’t feel like it. After all, does anyone believe Star Magazine anyways? Why waste money on a frivolous lawsuit, right? But here’s where it gets suspicious. As soon as this girl released a sex tape claiming that she’s the person who had sex with Kutcher, he decided to sue. Why? I suspect it’s because he finally found a case he can win. He’s not suing for defamation, he’s suing for “using his celebrity name” to promote a product. It’s sort of a smart move that I don’t think anyone but myself would catch. He can win the lawsuit, and the suit lets the public think he’s finally standing up for himself.  Just a theory though.  I’ve asked my friend to write a guest post on defamation to explain this further, so we’ll see if I ever get it.  Are you reading this, mystery friend?

Dina Lohan Needs to Lighten Up — Pissed at Glee

The first thing Lindsay Lohan needs to do when she exits rehab is fire her mother, Dina Lohan, as her manager.  She perpetuates Lindsay’s negative image in the press, by continually discussing her daughter’s issues.  Lindsay would have a much better chance of rehabilitating (no pun intended) her career if her mother would zip-it.  On this week’s Glee, Gwyneth Paltrow’s character discussed Lindsay’s rehab stints while teaching her Spanish class.  The bit was funny, and Lohan’s camp should laugh it off.  Unfortunately for Lindsay, her camp includes her horrendous mother, who is threatening to sue Glee for defamation.  Allow me to put this esquire thing to use for just one second — it’s not defamation to call someone “loca.”  So get over it Dina. Watch the clip below to see what all the fuss is about.

Kim Kardashian Parties With Perez for Her Birthday — Did she Forgive Him?

There’s something very interesting about the photos from Kim Kardashian’s 30th birthday party — Perez Hilton is there.  Perez Hilton has often bashed the Kardashian sisters on his blog, once going so far as to call Khloe Kardashian an “ugly amazon.”  So does she have a forgiving heart, or is she hoping to stay close to Perez to keep her name on his website?  I surmise it’s the latter.  And the Kardashians aren’t alone.  Demi Moore once threatened to sue Perez for child pornography when he posted pictures of her young daughter’s ass on his website.  Perez then countered with a defamation threat.  You wouldn’t guess that by the twitter love between the two.  Demi posted a twit-pic of herself in a bikini, and Perez responded with a pic of himself a speedo.  Demi playfully retweeted his pic, saying, “I think I started a trend.”  Did she forgive him too?  And what about Lindsay Lohan?  Perez often attacks her on his site, yet Lohan had no problem attending his birthday bash, and getting her picture taken with him.  Nothing says forgiveness like getting your name mentioned on a high-traffic blog.

Broadway Star Sues Over Crabs Allegation — At Least It’s Not Herpes

Broadway star Marty Thomas is trying to locate the evil tweeter that wrongfully divulged his case of crabs on the social networking site.  According to Thomas, he has never had a sexually transmitted disease, and the allegation has a negative effect on his career.  First of all, since crabs isn’t permanent, is this reaction really warranted?  When I first read the story I thought, wow, that really sucks for him, I guess he’ll have to shave all his pubes off.  I’m not sure that’s the kind of thought process that warrants a defamation law suit.  At least the evil tweeter had the courtesy to think of a curable disease.