Kathy Hilton Says Kim Kardashian Copied Paris’ Life — DUH

According to the New York Post, Kathy Hilton was overheard telling friends at a party that Paris Hilton was the original reality television star and Kim Kardashian basically copied her entire life. I’m not sure why this is making headlines, especially since it’s already obvious. While it’s true that Kim Kardashian had some moderate notoriety as Robert Kardashian’s daughter, she only received press attention when she was photographed beside Paris Hilton at Hollywood parties. When Kim’s career took off, her friendship with Paris ended. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with following in someone’s footsteps, though. And Kim did a better job at sustaining her career than Paris. The only issue is that Kim never credited Paris with her success. Or the sex tape for that matter.

Ashton Kutcher Sues Vivid Over Sex Tape Claim? — Something Smells Fishy, Ashton

Ashton Kutcher’s alleged mistress is selling a sex tape and it’s being promoted as “the girl who had sex with Ashton Kutcher.” Kutcher is suing, claiming that this “infringes on his celebrity value.” Allow me to put this lawyer thing to use and explain why Ashton Kutcher’s handling of this has become mighty suspicious. First, when he was initially accused of having an affair with this woman by Star Magazine, he threatened to sue for defamation — but he never did. The problem with suing for defamation is that in order for Kutcher to have a case, the accusation has to be false. So the fact that Kutcher never sued leads me to believe that the information is true, and he therefore knew he wouldn’t win. Got it? That brings me to my next point. A small part of me thought Kutcher didn’t sue because, despite his oodles of cash, he simply didn’t feel like it. After all, does anyone believe Star Magazine anyways? Why waste money on a frivolous lawsuit, right? But here’s where it gets suspicious. As soon as this girl released a sex tape claiming that she’s the person who had sex with Kutcher, he decided to sue. Why? I suspect it’s because he finally found a case he can win. He’s not suing for defamation, he’s suing for “using his celebrity name” to promote a product. It’s sort of a smart move that I don’t think anyone but myself would catch. He can win the lawsuit, and the suit lets the public think he’s finally standing up for himself.  Just a theory though.  I’ve asked my friend to write a guest post on defamation to explain this further, so we’ll see if I ever get it.  Are you reading this, mystery friend?

Today’s Question: Why Do Celebrities Take Naked Cell Phone Pictures?

A close friend of mine told me that he didn’t realize how bad he was in bed until he taped himself and his girlfriend having sex.  “I thought it would be hot,” he said, “but it was really depressing.”  Because of my nameless friend, I’ve decided to never tape myself having sex.  Oh yeah — and I don’t want to see my gigantic ass on camera.  Does anyone?  Apparently, celebrities love making sex tapes, and they love taking naked cell phone pictures even more.  So are they raging narcissists that are also too dumb to realize the possibility of either losing their phone, or pissing a man off enough to sell those pictures one day?  You might want to ask Miley Cyrus next time you see her, because she’s the newest celebrity involved in a naked picture scandal.  And this isn’t the first time.  Not too long ago she took racy photographs of herself in the shower, which made its way on the internet for the entire world to see.  What’s that quote?  “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, I’m an asshole.”

How Kim Kardashian Stole Paris Hilton’s Life

While some might think that Kim Kardashian catapulted to the spotlight from her sex tape, the truth is that Paris Hilton is to blame.  The two were best friends, and because the papparazi were constantly photographing Paris, Kim got attention as a bystander.  When people started asking about Paris’ sidekick, it was revealed that Kardashian was actually the daughter of OJ Simpson’s lawyer, Robert Kardashian.  With the Kardashian name and the Paris friendship, she only needed one more thing to solidify her Hollywood status — a sex tape.  To this day, Kim says that the sex tape leaking was “humiliating.”  Despite her attestations, I’m convinced she planned the entire thing.  Why?  Because if you saw her sex tape (yes, I saw it), you might notice how well-lit it is.  That’s contrary to Paris Hilton, whose sex tape (yes, I saw that one too) is almost barely visible, indicating that it was never intended for the public to see.  When Kim told Howard Stern that she “learned a lot” from Paris, I wonder if she meant, “I learned how to properly light the room for a sex tape.”  But a sex tape isn’t the only thing Kim copied.  Paris used the media attention to land a reality show, The Simple Life, and immediately became a household name.  Like Paris, Kim also landed a reality show, only hers was a shrewder move, given that Kim’s show is not about how incompetent she is.  She instantly became more likable, and avoided the media scrutiny that Paris received about being “famous for nothing.”  On top of that, she makes uber-bucks off club promoting, which was also Paris’ territory.  Paris and Kim no longer speak, and according to Kim, Paris cut her off for reasons she has yet to understand, though she has hinted at Paris’ jealously.  My guess?  Paris feels used.  Sure there’s room for everyone, but Kim bascially carbon-copied Paris’ life.