It's Not Gossip, It's Commentary
Something tells me Scout spends far too much time on social media, and is in desperate need of a more profound cause of which to bring attention. Instagram is a private entity, and they are perfectly entitled to have personal standards about what they promote. For instance, when I have a dinner party in my PRIVATE home, I ask that my guests show up clothed. Sure the naked body is beautiful, but I’d like to keep my chairs clean.
UPDATE: In an effort to change the world, I’ve joined the movement, and posted a picture of Scout Willis’ TATAS. Next stop — WORLD PEACE.
Here at The Dishmaster I like to preach morality. So you can imagine my rage at TMZ’s airing of Demi Moore’s 911 call. These 911 calls need to remain private. It’s deplorable to think that a celebrity cannot ask for help in private. Sure she put her marriage on display thereby inviting the public’s reaction to her divorce. But this is different. Until there’s a law against public access to 911 calls, TMZ needs to maintain their last shred of human decency.
Want to know how to get the press off your back? — Release a statement which explicitly denies a tabloid report. In the case of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher — neither party has taken this mature route, and they have instead released cryptic messages on twitter that border on annoying. Ashton linked to a song entitled, ‘Don’t believe The Hype,’ Demi Moore posted a strange picture of herself with her eyes closed, and a the words, “I see through you,” and then later quoted some Greek philosopher who said, “When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.” These two should either deny the report or count to ten before tweeting. To be fair though, I have to put my judgmental hat aside and admit that I often use Facebook to take digs at my exes, especially a certain man I recently dated who ripped my heart out and ate it for breakfast. Having said that, I will dodge the hypocrisy accusations with one simple fact — I’m not famous — and I don’t have a publicist that should be monitoring my electronic behavior.
Call me a curmudgeon, but I find it extremely irritating when celebrity couples discuss how happy they are. Despite being a love-hater, I’m also superstitious, which means I wouldn’t dare publicly declare my love for someone on national television (or on facebook for that matter) for fear that the relationship will end, and those statements will be etched in time forever. That doesn’t stop Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher though, who have been on a love parade since they got married. Watch a clip of their appearance on Piers Morgan below. Try not to get a cavity from the sugar.
When Annie Leibovitz photographed Demi Moore’s naked and pregnant body for the cover of the 1991 Vanity Fair magazine, it was considered an artistic masterpiece. It was a feminist statement, which told women everywhere that they could be both beautiful and pregnant at the same time. Plus, it was original. Annie Leibovitz is a fantastic photographer because of her unique creative vision. Since that shot, photographers and celebrities everywhere have copied the idea, and every woman under the sun poses naked while pregnant. It’s not that I don’t love a naked, pregnant body –it’s that I don’t love copycats, and it’s time to retire the idea. To see what I mean, click the links below.
At the time Star Magazine published their story about how Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore, Kutcher tweeted that Star Magazine defamed his character and he threatened to sue. This isn’t the first time celebrities have sued or threatened to sue tabloids for defamation of character. So what is defamation, and why doesn’t every celebrity sue?
The first thing to understand about defamation is that celebrities can’t sue anyone who airs their dirty laundry if it’s true. When celebrities and other public figures sue for defamation, they can only win if they prove that the defamatory statement is false.
Oh what’s that you say? What is a defamatory statement? Great question. It is a statement about the celebrity which hurts his reputation. The statement must also be communicated to a person other than the celebrity himself. (So if Star Magazine called Ashton at his house and accused him of cheating, they’d be in the clear — because no one else heard it).
Given the above explanation, it doesn’t seem like it should be so hard for Ashton to prove his case against Star Magazine, right? They published the story — “Ashton Kutcher Caught Cheating…” — to the world and it makes Ashton sound like an unfaithful jerk. And of course it’s false – that Jamie Madrox look-alike would never cheat on G.I. Jane, right?
But there’s one more catch — as a public figure, Ashton must prove that Star Magazine published the statement with full knowledge that the statement was false or with reckless disregard for whether it was true or false. Sure, they probably knew they were lying and they probably do it all the time. But how is Ashton going to prove it in court?
It is hard for him to come up with photos of him NOT kissing girls. He would have to get someone from Star to blow up their own journalistic spot and say, “yeah, I knew it wasn’t true and I wrote it anyway.”
If you’ve been following my analysis, you might have come to one of two conclusions to the title of this post. Either the case is just too hard to win, or Ashton really did cheat and can’t sue a tabloid for reporting the truth. So which one is it? I have no idea, but you’re free to draw your own conclusions.
In closing, I’d like to proclaim that everything I didn’t already know, I learned from The Dishmaster.
Ashton Kutcher’s alleged mistress is selling a sex tape and it’s being promoted as “the girl who had sex with Ashton Kutcher.” Kutcher is suing, claiming that this “infringes on his celebrity value.” Allow me to put this lawyer thing to use and explain why Ashton Kutcher’s handling of this has become mighty suspicious. First, when he was initially accused of having an affair with this woman by Star Magazine, he threatened to sue for defamation — but he never did. The problem with suing for defamation is that in order for Kutcher to have a case, the accusation has to be false. So the fact that Kutcher never sued leads me to believe that the information is true, and he therefore knew he wouldn’t win. Got it? That brings me to my next point. A small part of me thought Kutcher didn’t sue because, despite his oodles of cash, he simply didn’t feel like it. After all, does anyone believe Star Magazine anyways? Why waste money on a frivolous lawsuit, right? But here’s where it gets suspicious. As soon as this girl released a sex tape claiming that she’s the person who had sex with Kutcher, he decided to sue. Why? I suspect it’s because he finally found a case he can win. He’s not suing for defamation, he’s suing for “using his celebrity name” to promote a product. It’s sort of a smart move that I don’t think anyone but myself would catch. He can win the lawsuit, and the suit lets the public think he’s finally standing up for himself. Just a theory though. I’ve asked my friend to write a guest post on defamation to explain this further, so we’ll see if I ever get it. Are you reading this, mystery friend?
There’s something very interesting about the photos from Kim Kardashian’s 30th birthday party — Perez Hilton is there. Perez Hilton has often bashed the Kardashian sisters on his blog, once going so far as to call Khloe Kardashian an “ugly amazon.” So does she have a forgiving heart, or is she hoping to stay close to Perez to keep her name on his website? I surmise it’s the latter. And the Kardashians aren’t alone. Demi Moore once threatened to sue Perez for child pornography when he posted pictures of her young daughter’s ass on his website. Perez then countered with a defamation threat. You wouldn’t guess that by the twitter love between the two. Demi posted a twit-pic of herself in a bikini, and Perez responded with a pic of himself a speedo. Demi playfully retweeted his pic, saying, “I think I started a trend.” Did she forgive him too? And what about Lindsay Lohan? Perez often attacks her on his site, yet Lohan had no problem attending his birthday bash, and getting her picture taken with him. Nothing says forgiveness like getting your name mentioned on a high-traffic blog.
Howard Stern spent the weekend in Los Angeles while promoting his wife’s book (‘Oh My Dog’), and Jimmy Kimmel decided to throw him a welcome party. Kimmel appeared on Stern today to discuss the party, and it was some of Stern’s most hilarious radio yet. My favorite detail involved an argument between John Stamos and Mark McGrath, where Stamos got angry with “musician” McGrath for his inability to play any songs for their shitty house band ensemble. Stern insists that Stamos’ anger was unfounded, because at least everyone could play the song ‘Louie Louie’. Stamos also gave both Kimmel and Stern shit for not inviting Don Rickles, who was peeved at both Kimmel and Stern for the oversight. Oh yeah – Jeff Probst left in a tizzy because of Stern’s inappropriate attempt to interview him about his new girlfriend at the party. Other celebrity guests included: Ben Stiller; Christine Taylor; Natalie Maines; Ryan Phillipe; Will Arnett; Amy Poehler; Christa Miller; Bill Lawrence; Bob Iger; Ashton Kutcher; and Demi Moore. I’ve got to become friends with Jimmy Kimmel in time for the next Howard Stern party. Knowing Stern though, he probably won’t return to Los Angeles for another 15 years. Watch Beth Stern promote her book on Kimmel below.
