Dear Celebrities Everywhere — Fire Your “People”
There’s a big secret in Hollywood that many outside Tinseltown don’t know. When you hear about a celebrity being an asshole, it’s usually their handlers that are assholes, and the celebrity gets blamed. I went to a party last night and I tried to score a picture with an A-lister (whose name I won’t mention). This is something I never do, but because the event warranted picture-taking, it seemed fine to ask. He was surrounded by his handlers, who told me that he wasn’t taking any pictures. I found that suspicious, and I told them that I’ve heard through the Hollywood grapevine that he’s the nicest guy in the business, and I’m certain he wouldn’t mind. They still said no, until I dropped some names, which peaked their interest. They assured me they’d ask. I then noticed that they were instead escorting him out of the event altogether. I was snowed. I’m less annoyed that I didn’t get my coveted picture, and more annoyed by his handlers. Unfortunately, this isn’t my first experience with this type of thing. I once tried to get Brad Pitt to speak at an event I was hosting. Without getting into details, I was certain he’d be interested. I went through the proper protocol by first contacting his publicist. She wrote me back “no” within seconds, making it clear that she never even asked him. I was therefore forced to call in reinforcements, and I used connections to actually get the invitation to Pitt. It turns out he would have said yes, but his shooting schedule overlapped. And there you have it. I’m sure Pitt still has that publicist. George Clooney once discussed this issue, admitting in an interview that he’s had to fire people in his camp, because they act like assholes while throwing his name around. That’s probably why Clooney has managed to uphold his nice-guy reputation. I’m told through the rumor mill that Christopher Walken is the only celebrity that specifically instructs his “people” to extend every single offer his way (which includes student films). I’m sure that’s how he ended up in that Fat Boy Slim video. As a tribute to Christopher Walken, who I think consistently gets it right, I’ve posted the Fat Boy Slim video below.