Justin Timberlake is “Better High” — I Can Assure Him — He is Not

You know what’s worse than hanging out with a bunch of stoners? Hanging out with a bunch of stoners that discuss how great it is to be stoned. Justin Timberlake makes the annoy-the-Dishmaster list, with his recent interview where he discloses his affection for marijuana, followed by the proclamation that, “some people are just better high.” Because I’m the lucky alumni of a brain-numbing party college, I’ve had the good fortune of being around a plethora of high people. Like Timberlake, these people insist that they are “better” in their high state. I can assure him and and stoners everywhere — no one is better high. To be fair, I have met one person who becomes funnier while smoking weed, but I consider him to be an aberrant part of civilization that should be studied by doctors in a petri dish somewhere. Other than that, stoners may be the least entertaining people on the planet, and the idea that they want to make marijuana legal so that they can infect me with their horrible personality in a public forum — might be the scariest movement in history. Here’s the good news though — my celebrities-I’d-like-to-ba*g list just lost a member. No need to fantasize about Justin Timberlake anymore.

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