Madonna’s New Video is a MESS: Watch Now

Close your eyes and remember every horrible party in your youth, then imagine what’s it’s like to revisit those parties years later with a new group of sad people that are way too old to be there. That my friends . . . is Madonna’s new video. I realize there’s an obvious response here about my ageism, but after watching this monstrosity I’d say the same thing about anyone past the age of eighteen engaging in this nightmare. Madonna is far too cool for this crap. On top of that, she doesn’t need help from her younger peers or celebrity friends. She’s fu*king Madonna, and she can go it alone. Leave out Nicki Minaj (though she’s the only saving grace), ditch Miley Cyrus, and let Chris Rock spend this lost time preparing his new comedy tour. There’s just nothing creative coming from a woman whose entire career was predicated on creativity. And can’t she dance? Is there any ounce of choreography? Watch this mess below.

Editor’s Note: I actually LOVE her new album. So don’t accuse me of bias.

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