The Dishmaster

While I am certainly no Chris Brown fan, I also believe that people can reform — and constantly reminding someone of his past will in no way help his future. So when “comedian” Jenny Johnson took an unprompted swipe at Brown on twitter, calling him a “worthless piece of shit,” it occurred to me that the only worthless party in the exchange was her. Why do it? Why continue to bash someone who’s clearly in need of help. I’m aware that Chris Brown has continued to engage in public behavior worthy of questioning his reformation. That being said, as a society, we have to believe in change. And her actions didn’t help. She recently responded to the criticism, saying “it was not [her] finest hour.” But Jenny Johnson will have to do better than that to get on The Dishmaster’s good side.

This dancing duo is getting on my last nerve. The are-they-or-aren’t-they questions are tired, and their cheeky denials are yawn-worthy. I actually don’t think they’re doing it, and they’re simply capitalizing on playing coy. It’s gross.

Word on the street is Kelly Monaco has a boyfriend and kept it under wraps to protect the sanctity of her precious showmance with Val Chmerkovskiy. If you ask me, Kelly’s illusive boyfriend should probably dump her for what seems like a fu*k-worthy attraction between the two dancers. Didn’t Val kiss her on the mouth numerous times throughout the competition? Either way, even the real romances never last. Good luck to these two. Watch their reaction to the question below.

Alright — I admit my title is a tricky ploy, but it’s not an altogether lie considering Tony Dovolani’s elated response to winning the coveted mirror ball trophy. You’d think he negotiated peace in the Middle East. I’m happy for the guy though. He’s never won, and inside sources tell me he’s very kind. Watch below.

The best matchmaking show is back with a vengeance, and judging by the clip below, this season will be better than ever. Who cares if Patti rarely ever actually makes a match when she coins brilliant terms like, “your picker is broken.” Watch below.

Who says religion and entertainment can’t co-exist? Angus T. Jones’ rambling lecture on how God doesn’t love Two and a Half Men is worthy of a Kirk Cameron inspired Oscar. If this snot-nosed kid doesn’t like the show he’s contractually tied to, then perhaps he should give every cent of his salary to the church? Here’s hoping CBS sues him.

How does Elisabeth Hasselbeck get away with spewing such ignorant nonsense? She actually coined the term “verbal rape,” and kept her job. If you’re going to employ a token republican on your panel, at least pick someone that can rub two brain cells together. In fact, they should just add another democrat instead of choosing someone so cartoonishly awful. Watch her use this ridiculous term below. And though I too have issues with Chris Brown, I don’t get my rocks off from inciting the aggression of an abuser, unlike Jenny Johnson.