The Dishmaster

Entertainment News With a Side of Dish

Wednesday

17

May 2017

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COMMENTS

How Gisele Bunchen Just Won the Game of Life By Exposing Tom Brady’s Concussions

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I admit that there’s a sexist man inside of me who rears his ugly head from time to time, so when Gisele Bundchen disclosed Tom Brady’s concussions during an interview on CBS This Morning, that man said something like, “Maybe athletes’ wives just shouldn’t talk so they don’t step in it.” “Perhaps Gisele just isn’t too smart,” I embarrassingly furthered. Then . . . it hit me. Gisele isn’t some dopey wife, she’s a shrewd business woman who carefully choreographed that concussion admission. She has children with Tom Brady, and there’s overwhelming evidence that the sport of football can cause permanent brain damage. Gisele’s job is to protect her family like the lioness that she is, and that includes pushing Brady’s retirement. They have enough money, he has enough wins, and he should get out while his faculties are still functioning. This was not an OOPS moment. This was beautifully strategized, and all the Tom Bradys of the world should be lucky enough to have a successful wife like Gisele. It’s time to retire.

Thursday

11

May 2017

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COMMENTS

Miley Cyrus Releases “Malibu” — A Beautiful New Direction

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It’s no secret that Miley Cyrus’ career has long-suffered from an identity crisis. Her barely-there ensemble beside Robin Thicke gained attention (for all the wrong reasons), and her subsequent antics, poor clothing choices, and attention-grabbing interviews felt more like an inauthentic cry for attention than an artist in their truest form. I have zero issues with women using their sexuality to sell records, and I also have zero issues with artistic statements that turn heads. But Miley Cyrus felt inauthentic, and her descent began with her breakup from Liam Hemsworth. It’s as if she felt boxed in, and in an effort to prove her individuality, what followed was train wreck rebellion. Now, she’s back with Liam, and judging from her beautiful recent release of “Malibu,” it’s become clear that Liam has brought her the kind of happiness that produces good music. I hate to suggest that a man is propelling her talent, so lets just say she seems to be in a better place. Also, the song is very clearly about the love they share.

Wednesday

10

May 2017

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COMMENTS

SNATCHED: A Full Review

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There are a few problems with SNATCHED, none of which involve the casting. With legendary Private Benjamin star Goldie Hawn beside Trainwreck’s Amy Schumer, you’ve got comedic gold. But the perfect comedic pairing is only as good as its script, and this effort falls just short of its potential. 
Amy Schumer plays Emily Middleton, a selfish dreamer whose boyfriend Michael (Randall Park) dumps her just before their exotic vacation. With two non-refundable tickets to paradise, she reluctantly turns to the one person who says yes, her mom Linda (Goldie Hawn). Emily and Linda’s relationship has become distant, but when Emily discovers her mother’s fun former life, she thinks its the perfect opportunity for Linda to loosen up. 

Once they arrive in paradise, Linda’s ultra-conscious, over protective nature clashes with Emily’s live-in-the-moment mentality, and their mother-daughter bonding gets derailed. Needing a break from the smothering, Emily heads to the hotel bar where she meets the very handsome James (Tom Bateman) who convinces the pair to come with him on a road trip to explore the local culture. Hypnotized by his charm, she ignores her mother’s warnings and they soon fall into a trap orchestrated by the treacherous Morgado (Oscar Jaenada). They escape due to a lucky accident, but when they call the US State Department, Morgan (Bashir Salahuddin) is hilariously unsympathetic to their situation.

They make one last call to Ruth (Wanda Sykes) and Barb (Joan Cusack), who they met at the resort. Barb is retired special ops who is always ready to return to action and Ruth is Barb’s hype man, since Barb can’t talk.They later meet Roger (Christopher Meloni), a guide who exhibits questionable abilities as an outdoorsman, but promises he will get them safely to Bogota.  

When Amy Schumer did the press tour for this movie, she told Howard Stern that she resented the endless questions about gender. If the press would simply stop asking the same questions, perhaps the sexism would go away faster. As for Hawn, she received the inevitable, offensive questions about ageism and where she’s been for the last 14 years. Though she’s been actively pursuing charitable endeavors, I can only imagine her exit from the spotlight also has to do with the limited roles in Hollywood. Hawn is a star, and she’s not going to take that small supporting role simply to remain in play. She has a rich personal life, and that is enough. Schumer has said time and time again that the studio did not want Hawn for the lead, and she fought for her. If that’s true, she should have kept it to herself, but that’s neither here nor there.

Despite all the proper elements for a hit film, this simply is not funny enough. Schumer and Hawn hit their lines out of the park, but they’re few and far between. Also, there’s little to no story here. Sure they get kidnapped and held for ransom, but . . . that’s it?! I began this review with a long plot, but in truth, the film can be summed up rather simply by saying, “A mother and daughter get kidnapped in a foreign country while on vacation and make a desperate attempt to escape.” That’s literally the entire movie. It’s a high-concept, unoriginal story that therefore lives and dies by the filler jokes. And if there are not enough filler jokes, it doesn’t work. Look at Hangover, for example. It’s just about a bachelor party, but the hilarity is in the details. Bachelor parties have been done a million times, but they offered a unique spin. That did not happen here, which is a shame, because I sure do love Goldie Hawn.

Wednesday

3

May 2017

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COMMENTS

Dakhabrakha Plays the Walt Disney Concert Hall to Stunning Success

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Music is my number one pastime, and I’m often invited to cover local, up-and-comers. On a good day, I’m amped for the opportunity to see earnest ambition in its raw form, whether the show is intrinsically good or not. On a bad day, everything blends together and you’ll hear me saying, “There’s just not a lot of true talent.” Seeing Dakhabrakha at the Walt Disney Hall yielded the entirely new feeling of, “What is this and how can I hear more of it . . . IMMEDIATELY?”

The world-music quartet originates from Kiev, Ukraine and they refer to their sound as “ethno-chaos.” They began as a live theater music crew in 2004 with the help of avant-garde theater director and now producer, Vladyslav Troitskyi, and their unforgettable, unexpected sound is the result of incorporating the surrounding world into their music, with Indian, Arabic, African, and Russian influence. The quartet includes, Marko Halanevych (Vocals, darbuka, tabla, didjeridoo, accordion, trombone), Iryna Kovalenko (Vocals, djembe, bass drums, accordion, percussion, bugay, zgaleyka, piano), Olena Tsybulska (Vocals, bass drums, percussion, garmoshka), and Nina Garenetska (Vocals, cello, bass drum).

With a fusion of the then and now, we get contemporary melodies couple with high-level instrumentation, and those riffs are rife with non-traditional elements, such as animal noises, bird whistles, and sounds of the wind. Eccentric yet accessible, their heavy percussion and on-point harmonies on top of their foot-high conical fur hats, make this the most memorable show I’ve seen in years. Dakhabrakha’s most recent success can be seen on the third season of Fargo, having had their song, “Sho z-pod duba” (From Under The Oak), play during the second episode called “Unfathomable Pinhead-ery.” That mesmerizing song can be heard below.

To see Dakhabrakha on tour, visit their website. They are a force.

Monday

1

May 2017

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COMMENTS

Kim Kardashian Slut-Shames Scott’s Lover on Keeping Up

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If you watched the most recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, you’d have seen Kim Kardashian slut-shame one of Scott’s trysts. This came AFTER Scott learn that Kourtney Kardashian had moved on with another man and acted out of retaliatory emotion. When Kim learned that Scott had a woman in his hotel, she confronted her inside the bathroom, as she was presumably hiding from the cameras . . . and the Kardashians. Kim called her a “slut,” a “whore,” and a “groupie,” and told her to leave. To give her the benefit of the doubt, it’s quite possible Kim knew this girl, because she seemed to immediately recognize her, and it’s also possible that Scott previously cheated on Kourtney with her. That’s an assumption weighed HEAVILY in Kim’s favor, given that calling a complete stranger a whore is the highest form of slut-shaming, especially since Scott is not technically a taken man. As for the word “groupie,” this girl did not sign the waiver, which means she DID NOT want to appear on camera. Isn’t that the opposite of a groupie? If she wanted her fifteen minutes, she’d be on camera. To be fair, perhaps Kim and the EPs of Keeping Up might have unilaterally decided to keep her off camera as punishment. Who knows. But OF ALL PEOPLE to slut-shame . . .

Monday

1

May 2017

0

COMMENTS

Kelly Ripa Chooses Ryan Seacrest As Co-Host: Laziest Decision Ever

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Kelly Ripa chose Ryan Seacrest as her new co-host, in a move that can only be described as lazy, boring, and entitled. For one solid year the producers of Live With Kelly snowed us into believing they were actually executing a legitimate, above board search for the new seat. Instead, they were negotiating Ryan Seacrest’s contract and no one else stood a chance. That “no one else” specifically refers to Jerry O’Connell who seemed a shoe-in for the coveted gig.

According to Kelly Ripa, Ryan Seacrest is “a seamless, seamless broadcaster. There is nobody better. There is nobody that understands what 30 seconds of conversation actually means in in real time like Ryan does, and so he makes everything easy — it’s like a vacation with him.” That quote perfectly captures why this is a lazy decision. First, had Ripa took a chance on a newbie, she’d have to carry the load during the learning curve, and perhaps she’s grown out of that task. Michael Strahan was a left-of-center pick, and it required Ripa to do work. With Seacrest, she can sit back, relax, and trust his broadcasting prowess. Is that a good thing? It’s clear she can carry the show on her own, so why not give someone else a real shot at the seat?

From a creative perspective, this is also the wrong decision. Live With Kelly demands that its co-hosts discuss their personal lives at the top of the show. As a self-admitted workaholic, Seacrest doesn’t really have a personal life. He’s secretive about who he dates, and doesn’t have a wife and children. This show is supposed to relate to the masses, and who can relate to Ryan Seacrest? Jerry O’Connell, though also a Los Angeles guy, does in fact have a family and kids, and he’s extremely funny when describing their antics. We can call Seacrest many things, but funny is not one of them.

So why would Ryan Seacrest, who has a million jobs, even accept this offer, which requires that he move to New York. Well, why not? Without his American Idol salary, it goes without saying he wanted a new influx of cash, and this is it.

It’s also worth noting that choosing a white, rich male as a host rubs me the wrong way, especially given today’s climate. She could have chosen a woman, or any minority for the role, and she instead went with the guy who’s got everything. And if you’re going to go that route, then pick the teacher who guest-hosted and garnered positive reviews. What a disappointing, terrible decision, and the quote below says it best.

Friday

28

April 2017

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COMMENTS

Caitlyn Jenner on Live With Kelly — Constantly Interrupts

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I’m guilty of a little too much Caitlyn Jenner coverage lately, but contempt often calls for a post, and her interview with Kelly Ripa takes the cake. Watch below as the former Olympian dominates the conversation, constantly interrupts, and makes a failed attempt at inserting an emotional stance for the LGBTQ community. If ever there was evidence of narcissism, this is it. To be fair, she might be nervous, but she simply needs to move from a public life to a private one. We’ve all accepted your transition Caitlyn, and if your personality doesn’t hold up on it’s own, the press circuit becomes a burden. Lastly, don’t condescend to Kelly Ripa. She’s a queen. The irony here is that Caitlyn seems like every other old-school man that lacks empathy and feels superior to women. Good luck.

Wednesday

26

April 2017

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COMMENTS

Grey’s Anatomy Sneak Peek: Meredith v. Maggie

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Grey’s Anatomy
is running on fumes in its casting department, and they desperately need an addition beyond its best players, which now only includes Ellen Pompeo, Justin Chambers, and Jesse Williams. I’ve long insisted that their casting crew needs a complete overhaul, as most of their additions don’t work, thus resulting in more than five untimely deaths. In fact, Jesse Williams was part of a much larger merger storyline, and he was the only cast members to make it. That’s a weak result. I’d like to also note that unlike Seinfeld, which was graced with the genius casting of Marc Hirschfeld, Grey’s has yet to find a guest star that has gone on to greatness. That’s odd. When watching the syndicated reruns of Seinfeld, nearly every guest star has become massive. That includes, Teri Hatcher (Desperate Housewives), Anna Gunn (Breaking Bad), Kristen Davis (Sex and the City), Jennifer Coolidge (American Pie, 2 Broke Girls), Debra Messing (Will & Grace), Lauren Graham (Girlmore Girls), and many more. There needs to be more power players on Grey’s Anatomy, and with the loss of Patrick Dempsey, we’re also missing Alpha dogs. The fight between Owen and Riggs could have gained steam, but the storyline just fizzled beyond repair. Need I also mention Amelia has to go? Watch a clip for the upcoming episode, which is more of a high-school fight than a storyline I can sink my teeth into. I think I was seventeen years old the last time I called dibs on a guy who wasn’t interested. Past that age, if you say anything other than “Next!” you’re a small child. Maggie could have at least had sex with Riggs to justify this type of immaturity.

Tuesday

25

April 2017

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COMMENTS

Diane Sawyer Interviews Caitlyn Jenner — Major #FAIL

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It might be unfair to call the new Diane Sawyer sit-down with Caitlyn Jenner an “interview,” given that it was more an informational voice-over than a Q&A. I’ve long insisted Caitlyn Jenner is not compelling without the Kardashians at her side, and I have also long insisted that Diane Sawyer is not a good interviewer. Gone are the days of Barbara Walters, where the purpose of her question was to actually gather information. Walters’ disarming nature allowed her to ask the hard-hitting, invasive questions that everyone wanted to know. In the interview below, Caitlyn Jenner likely talked for about ten minutes of the hour, and we did not learn much.

So what SHOULD she have asked? First, I want to know about Caitlyn’s feud with Kris Jenner and the current status of the relationship. I want to know why there is such a disconnect between what Kris says she knew about Caitlyn’s transition. I also want to know about Caitlyn’s sexual orientation and whether she was attracted to her ex-wives. In fact, Kim Kardashian asked Caitlyn this very question, as she also wanted to know. Additionally, does Caitlyn empathize with her family’s struggle to accept her transition? Can she understand the incredible shock of being married to a man for 23 years that then confesses this gender-identity struggle? And why did she abandon four children but then have the wherewithal to have two more and raise four step-children as her own? If it’s true that her gender struggle negatively impacted her ability to parent, then why was she able to effectively parent six children?

Caitlyn Jenner took the wrong path to her transitional process. Instead of getting to know the trans community which she conveniently was never interested in at all, she should have provided a stark lens into her physical transformation. I realize being a woman is more than one’s physical being, but never before has anyone of that magnitude provided such insight. She should have also discussed her sexual preference more heavily. But those are all the things she is vehemently opposed to exposing. Instead, she introduced herself to the world post-transition, as if we’re all just interested in Caitlyn’s boring personality. If the Kardashians can’t stand on their own with individual shows, Caitlyn Jenner certainly cannot.

Friday

21

April 2017

0

COMMENTS

David Crosby at The Wiltern — A Full Review

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David Crosby doesn’t need any promotion from The Dishmaster. The man is a legend, and even without Graham Nash, Stephen Stills, and Neil Young, he can carry a concert. Crosby graced the stage of The Wiltern for an intimate evening with his most devoted fans, and he delivered the goods. The iconic singer/songwriter hit the road to promote his new solo album, Sky Trails, which is a follow-up to the recently released Lighthouse. Before Lighthouse, Crosby released Croz, which was his first solo album in decades. Given the close proximity of his solo records since the release of Croz, I can only guess he got the bug and he’s on a roll. He now performs with session guitarist Jeff Pevar, and his pianist son James Raymond (“CPR”). He attributes his creative re-awakening to the demise of Crosby, Still, Nash, and Young, insisting that quitting the group “unleashed a tidal wave of new music,” because the band became solely about playing their greatest hits. They had, “No new songs, no growth, and [they] didn’t like each other. There was no reason to be there other than the money, and that’s not enough.”

So what exactly happened to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, and why don’t they like each other? It’s unclear, but the culprit seems to be Crosby himself, which isn’t surprising given that Crosby hilariously admitted during the show to being kicked out of The Byrds because “he was an asshole.” Here’s an elusive quote from Graham Nash about the matter:

I don’t like David Crosby right now. He’s been awful for me the last two years, just fucking awful. I’ve been there and saved his fucking ass for 45 years, and he treated me like shit. You can’t do that to me. You can do it for a day or so, until I think you’re going to come around. When it goes on longer, and I keep getting nasty emails from him, I’m done. Fuck you. David has ripped the heart out of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

Crosby apparently bad-mouthed Neil Young’s girlfriend, Daryl Hannah, calling her a “purely poisonous predator,” and though he later apologized, Young was not quick to accept, telling Howard Stern that a CSNY reunion is out of the question.

The irony here is that their mutual dislike likely propelled their creativity. Bands often enjoy songwriting with people that they like, but sometimes we are at our best in moments of discomfort. Though Crosby’s new venture, CPR, gives the audience those much-loved harmonies, his original music is missing the unforgettable melodies we’re so used to hearing from CSNY. But I appreciate an effort to produce original music throughout one’s life, and I agree with Crosby that playing a band’s greatest hits in perpetuity is painful. One thing is for sure — seeing David Crosby, in person, on stage, singing beautiful harmonies, is a true privilege.

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