THE DISHMASTER

I don’t know a lot about Jada Pinkett Smith — but one thing’s for sure. She’s incredibly annoying. In response the public’s reaction to her “open marriage” comments, Pinkett took to facebook to clarify in a statement that can only be described as bloated, confusing, and indulgent. Here’s my advice: If Pinkett doesn’t want to discuss the details of her marriage, then she should simply say, “My private life is private.” What she shouldn’t do is wax prophetic hymns about the meaning of life. Read the full statement below, and try not to vomit. And before you go, allow me to make one last point. I believe she has an open marriage. Enjoy her statement below.

Let me first say this, there are far more important things to talk about in regards to what is happening in the world than whether I have an open marriage or not. I am addressing this issue because a very important subject has been born from discussions about my statement that may be worthy of addressing.

The statement I made in regard to, “Will can do whatever he wants,” has illuminated the need to discuss the relationship between trust and love and how they co-exist.

Do we believe loving someone means owning them? Do we believe that ownership is the reason someone should “behave”? Do we believe that all the expectations, conditions, and underlying threats of “you better act right or else” keep one honest and true? Do we believe that we can have meaningful relationships with people who have not defined nor live by the integrity of his or her higher self? What of unconditional love? Or does love look like, feel like, and operate as enslavement? Do we believe that the more control we put on someone the safer we are? What of TRUST and LOVE?

Should we be married to individuals who can not be responsible for themselves and their families within their freedom? Should we be in relationships with individuals who we can not entrust to their own values, integrity, and LOVE…for us???

Here is how I will change my statement…Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to do so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one.

 

“Let me tell you this about The View: I take a paycheck every other week. That’s all I do. I could give a sh-t what comes. I do my job — I have a contract. That’s where I stand. I don’t give a f-ck.” Whoopi Godlberg, on her concerns about who will replace Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

You gotta love Rebel Wilson. Unlike most female comedians today, she doesn’t rely on male-oriented comedy to succeed. She’s original, likable, and hilarious. Watch her heart-warming story about the time she met Russell Crowe, and he told her to “fu*k off.”

I’m not completely caught up on this season of American Idol, but it appears I tuned in just in time. First, Mariah Carey has lost an astounding amount of weight since the show began. Second, she completely changed her judging style to accommodate “the powers that be,” who apparently lectured her on her boring backseat approach to the panel. Watch the very harsh (and well deserved) criticism of Lazaro Arbos, whose sweat-fest mid-song tells me he knew it was coming.

“At the end of the sketch, the guy goes up to Farley and says, ‘You’re fat and disgusting.’ A lot of Farley’s problems were connected to the fact that he felt . . . ugly. That sketch kind of fed into that shit. I like Danny Devito. You know why I like Danny Devito? They never mention he’s short in any fucking movie. He’s like, ‘Fuck you. I’ll do your movie. Take this short shit out.’ There’s eight hundred things to make fun of. Why go to the obvious thing?” Chris Rock to Howard Stern, on why he hated Chris Farley’s most famous Chip & Dale’s sketch on Saturday Night Live.

If Charlie Seen calls out your antics, things are bad. Sheen appeared on Leno and confirmed the rumors that Lindsay Lohan’s tardiness tanked their Anger Management taping. Sheen would know a thing or two about struggling with addiction, but since he’s notorious for his professionalism regardless of his private “indulgences,” I’m assuming his empathy is limited. Watch below.

When Dancing With the Stars debuted, I was certain it would be a hit. Why? Because unlike other reality competition shows of a different format, even bad dancing is fun to watch. After years of devoted fandom, I sat in the audience for last night’s results show, and the experience far exceeded my expectations. It was country night, and my southern roots (wait . . . does Florida count?) were met with extreme elation when I saw Brad Paisley and The Band Perry.

The most moving moment of the night came from Brilynn Rakes & Derek Hough, who executed a beautiful and elegant dance as part of AT&T’s spotlight performance (see below).

The evening ended with a farewell to Lisa Vanderpump, who was my personal favorite for her personality alone. And speaking of personality, I was fortunate enough to get a first-hand look at Vanderpump’s furry friend, Jiggy, who is a surprisingly well-behaved dog, making not a peep despite the ballroom’s raucous applause.

Lindsay Lohan might be troubled, but at least she can take a joke, which is a much appreciated standard here at The Dishmaster. Watch her indulge in Letterman’s interrogation below.

• ‘My Girl‘ had a baby. Us Magazine

• Rob Kardashian has a new girlfriend. Contact Music

• ‘Glee’s’ Heather Morris is pregnant. Huffington Post

• Holly Madison debuted her rainbow. Celebitchy

• Tom Hanks is gonna be a grandpa again. E! Online

• Katie Holmes has a new man. Crazy Days & Nights

• Amy Poehler has a guy-pal. Wet Paint

• Halle Berry has a bun in the oven. TMZ

• Tom Arnold is a first-time dad. People

• Ryan Gosling doesn’t want you calling Eva Mendes “baby.” Moviefone

WRITTEN BY DEVIN CARBAUGH, GUEST CONTRIBUTOR

Since its 2002 debut, American Idol has been a household name and a ratings juggernaut. I first learned of the show months before it aired because I was part of the production crew that handled the Dallas, Texas auditions. Back then, we actually had to convince people to try-out. In fact, I was fortunate to have Kelly Clarkson in my audition group. I pre-interviewed her before she sang for the producers, and I immediately knew that she had something special; she was quick-witted and sassy and we hit it off right away. She hilariously asked that I hold her purse and answer her phone if it rang while she auditioned. The rest, as you know, is history.

Eleven years later, another small-town girl from Woodville, Texas is a top seven “American Idol” contender. Her name is Kree Harrison. I was also raised in Woodville, which has a current population of 2,574. A few nights ago I got to see her sing live. The entire experience was amazing. It was Rock’n’ Roll night, so the remaining contestants belted out their favorite rock song from the past several decades, even singing duets and trios. My hometown girl sang a Janis Joplin number – “Piece of My Heart,” and Amber Holcomb gave a chilling performance reminiscent of Whitney Houston.

As I sat in the audience that night, I pinched myself at the thought of the show’s trajectory since I met Kelly Clarkson. And though there are many contestants who deserve to win, I’m certainly hoping for a two-time, Texas victory.

TAKE PART

If any fans would also like to take part in the show, now’s your chance! Submit your ideas for an upcoming musical theme, courtesy of AT&T. Just tweet your ideas using the hashtag #ATTIdolTheme. Click HERE for more information.