As a writer, I’m often commissioned to write copy for high-powered entities. Though ABC doesn’t make that list, the upcoming season of The Bachelorette with JoJo Fletcher has me feeling generous, so the next time you hear “I wonder if he’s here for the right reasons,” in a confessional, there will officially be more colorful options. Here goes:
- Does he have a secret agenda for being here?
- Is he a fame whore searching for camera time?
- Is he here to promote his personal business?
- Does he have an actual job, and what kind of job would let him take this much time off?
- When he says he loves me, does he really mean, ‘I want to win.’
- Why would anyone subject themselves to this?
- If I get him really drunk, will he tell me the truth about his intentions?
- I’m way better looking than that dude. Does JoJo have bad taste?
- Will I catch a cold if I kiss ten guys?
- If I sleep with this guy, will he tell the world about it after I dump him?
The Bachelorette airs on ABC Monday, May 23.