Author: The Dishmaster

Today’s Question: Have Sequels Helped Anyone’s Career?

Hollywood is constantly cranking out sequels for dead movies, and actors often consent to them, in hopes of resurrecting their career.  It’s a paycheck with some attention for the actor, and it’s easy marketing for the studio.  But is it really a good idea?  All signs point to no.  The biggest flop that comes to mind is Sharon Stone’s sequel to Basic Instinct.  Michael Douglas turned it down, saying that he didn’t think anyone really wanted to see his aging, naked ass.  Apparently, Sharon Stone didn’t get Michael Douglas’ memo, and perhaps thought the film might help her career.  I’m embarrassed to admit I saw it in the theater, and the audience actually laughed during the murder scenes.  Yes, it was that bad.  Bruce Willis made Die Hard 4, which was actually a decent film.  Unfortunately, it didn’t help revive his action-star status, and he’s pretty much in the same position as he was before the film.  And don’t let me misguide you about Michael Douglas’ career choices.  He has Wall Street 2 coming out, and while I hope it’s great, my hatred for Oliver Stone leads me to believe it won’t be.  So what’s my advice?  If you need a paycheck, by all means do a sequel for the purpose of putting food on the table.  Other than that, it’s pretty useless — and it ruins some of my favorite films of all time.

Did Rihanna Rip-Off Pink’s Unitard?

I saw a recent picture from Rihanna’s concert, and I noticed that her unitard strangely resembles the often-seen unitard worn by Pink during her concerts. If you’ve paid attention to Pink’s tour, you would recognize the bandaid-style get-up from her ludicrous trapeze performances, where she fancies herself a pint-size contortionist from Cirque Du Soleil, and basically risks her life while singing upside down. Aside from my objection to the life-risk, if the girl is going to hang upside down, she might as well do it in a unique costume. So do all unitards look alike, or did Rihanna’s designer make a copy-cat blunder? I’m not quite sure. Perhaps it was “inspired?” See the pictures below and judge for yourself.

Pee Wee Herman Insists Innocence — Caught Masturbating With Wrong Hand

In a new interview, Paul Reubens discussed his 1991 arrest for waxing-his-dolphin in a public movie theater.  He insists that, had the case gone to trial, he would have been proven innocent, because the police report said he was masturbating with his left hand, and Pee Wee is a righty.  According to Reubens, he would have called an expert with “thirty years of experience,” to testify that no one masturbates with their non dominant hand.  Wow, that’s a pretty strong defense.  Had I been the prosecutor on this case, I would have called a very perverted college friend of mine, who constantly told me that he preferred masturbating with his non-dominant hand, as it made him feel like someone else was choking-his-chicken.  At this point, he might also have thirty years of experience.

The Daily Dish — Grab Your Popcorn

  • Neil Patrick Harris is expecting twins.  Celebrity Cafe
  • Hilary Duff got married.  Just Jared
  • Tila Tequila was attacked.  Gossip Cop
  • Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger calls off engagement.  Radar Online
  • Jesse James might be dating tattoo artist Kat Von D.  People
  • Jamie Lynn Spears might be back together with her baby daddy.  Pop Crunch
  • Thomas Jane and Patricia Arquette are getting divorced.  Dlisted
  • Jude Law’s ex-wife releases memoir.  It’s disturbing.  Reuters

Dear Playboy, I’d Like to See Cellulite

During my daily voyage to Egotastic, I noticed some pictures of Kelly Brook from her topless spread (pun intended) in Playboy magazine.  They are so heavily airbrushed, I’m not even sure what I’m looking at.  Don’t men feel like perverts when they masturbate to cartoon characters?  If you’re aroused by these Kelly Brook pictures, I’d like to refer you to Jessica Rabbit, who I believe is way hotter.  The pictures did get me thinking about her recent, non-airbrushed, pictures on The Superficial though, which I think are much more appealing.  After all, nothing says saucy-sex-vixen like a few dimples in your ass.

Lea Michele Loves her Jewish Nose — She’s My Hero


I’d like to officially welcome Lea Michele into my big-schnoz Jew club.  You only gain admittance if you like your shnoz, so I’m honored to grant her membership.  You might remember that I recently picked on Lea for her drastic weight loss, but after her recent quote, all is forgotten.  Lea told Us Weekly that she has no desire for a ridiculous, button-nose, as she’s always been proud of her “Jewish nose.”  In an industry where many actors have nose jobs, I find her attitude refreshing — plus, she’s gorgeous.  Maybe this is the beginning of a movement.  This also provides a perfect opportunity for me to feature women in the industry that have copped to nose jobs.  Enjoy!


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Lisa Kudrow admitted to Allure magazine that she had nose surgery at 16 to correct her “hook nose.” Kudrow was raised Jewish, and looked much different before entering the Hollywood beauty salon. To see a picture of what she used to look like, click here.


Like Lisa Kudrow, Dirty Dancing’s Jennifer Grey is a Jewish girl with a nose job. Grey attributes her career downswing to her “nose job from hell,” which she thinks left her unrecognizable. Unlike Kudrow, Grey got her nose job after having already made it in the industry, which was likely the problem. I’m not sure I would agree that the nose job alone is responsible for her career problems. Many actors only have two or three big roles in their career.  Go easy on yourself Grey.


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Ashley Tisdale should have had a sit-down with Jennifer Grey before getting her nose job. She already had an adorable nose, but for some reason craved the infamous and reprehensible button-nose. She later blamed it on a deviated septum, but it became immediately clear that it was a cosmetic procedure. To see a before and after, click here.


Ashlee Simpson makes my list, because her nose job was so drastic. Though she never fully confessed it, the transformation is so obvious, I call it an “implied admission.” Prior to her nose job, she went on the record saying how much she loved her nose, and was fine not looking like everyone else. I guess that didn’t last long. Let’s hope that unlike Simpson, Lea Michele is telling the truth when she says she loves her nose. To see a before and after of Simpson, click here.


The Biggest Loser’s Jillian Michaels is on my nose job shit-list. Not only did she admit to having one, but she said it was a great thing for her to do. Shes feels “much better about herself” now. Good job, Jillian. I’m glad plastic surgery solved your insecurity — I think everyone should do it.

Celebrity Look-Alikes: George Clooney and Carey Grant

I’ve often said that George Clooney is the Cary Grant of today’s generation. Not only do they look alike, but their careers as leading men are also similar. The only main difference between their resumes, is that Carey Grant wasn’t afraid of romantic comedies. Grant was owned by Paramount Pictures though (and later by Columbia Pictures), at a time when the big studios held the power in Hollywood. Now, the actors hold the power, and they get to decide what their next project will be.  That means that actors like Clooney can pick and choose as they please, and don’t have to act in every film produced by the studio, with whom they were under contract.  I cannot decide whether that’s good or bad, but I wonder if Clooney would have turned down a film like Bringing up Baby.  Perhaps Hollywood isn’t even making those films anymore — I certainly haven’t seen any.  If actors hold the power though, maybe they should start reading scripts to find the next His Girl Friday.  After all, someone has to do the studio’s job.

Ellen DeGeneres Wows With So You Think You Can Dance Performance (Video)

I hate to admit it, but I really like Ellen DeGeneres.  I suppose it’s a begrudging admission because the great Howard Stern loathes her, and I desperately want to agree with him.  But I just can’t.  I love her show, and I actually liked her as a judge on American Idol — though I know she was wrong for it.  She furthered my favor on last night’s So You Think You Can Dance, where she performed an easier version of Twitch and Alex Wong’s amazing hip-hop routine, and it was pretty funny.  I find it interesting that she can continue to expand her resume without watering down her image (even when her choices don’t necessarily work).  That’s contrary to Howard Stern, who exclusively stays with radio.  Not that I’m comparing the two, but I must defend someone when it’s necessary.  Watch the performance below, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.

Flight Attendant Steven Slater a Hero? — Is it the Raft?

For the life of me I cannot figure out why this story is such a big deal.  Steven Sanders, a flight attendant for JetBlue, had a fight with a passenger, cursed him out, grabbed a beer, and exited the plane via an emergency raft.  That’s the story in a nutshell, and he’s now being touted as a “hero.” I hate to piss-on the parade, but what exactly is heroic about telling someone to fuck-off?  If that’s the standard, I must be the world’s biggest hero, because I do that on a daily basis.  Where’s my 200,000 Facebook followers?  Had he cursed out his boss, instead of a passenger, I think the adulation would be justified.  Who doesn’t dream about telling-off an abusive boss?  But telling off some random asshole in no way falls within my fantasy log.  The only conclusion I have come to, is that he exited the plane via an emergency raft, while holding a beer.  Something about that image is very John Wayne like.  So the next time someone at work gives me attitude, I’m walking right over to the copy machine, pulling out all the paper, standing on my desk, and throwing it up in the air while screaming, “F-U-C-K Y-O-U!”  Get my medal ready.